I don't even know what to say. I am so tired of this roller coaster. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I've been actively fighting this binge monster for almost three years and I'm getting nowhere. I'm not giving up, not by a long shot, but I am extremely frustrated. It's clear that I can't handle this bullshit on my own. I don't have enough accountability. I'm too lazy to things right. I know how to eat. I know how to exercise. I've researched this shit to death and I can apply it 70% of the time, but that 30% is what's messing me up.
I don't know what I need to get control of this. Therapy? What the hell could I possibly have to say to a therapist that will help? Talk about my childhood? I had it far better than a lot of kids. Self esteem issues? If you're my Facebook friend, you know there's no lack of self esteem anymore. Self sabotage? I can't think of a single reason for that. I'm really good at self-analyzing. And I can honestly say I have found no psychological reason for my lack of control. I can blame it on lack of planning and being lazy sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. But even that doesn't account for times like this weekend.
I don't know what to do. I'm tired of not knowing what to do. It makes me angry. And I'm an angry eater.