Sunday, August 31, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Sunday

I hate weigh in days. 153.5, which is down 2 pounds from last week (which was actually up 2 pounds from the week before). So, no net loss in the last 2 weeks. Frustrating, to say the least. I'm big on the instant gratification and don't do well with things that require patience. It's tempting to really cut my calories but I have to keep reminding myself that these things take time. I know the body is a funny thing and the weight will come off eventually, but there's still that part of me that wants to be thin RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

And of course, tonight is the big dinner at the seafood buffet with my father-in-law. I want to just enjoy myself and stuff my face. It's been over a month since I've had a binge. I can overindulge a little tonight, can't I? That's the stupid part of me talking. The rational, wants-to-be-healthy party of me says, "NO! Just eat small portions of foods that are fairly decent and skip the desserts." Then yet another part of me tells me that I have to learn how to deal with those forbidden foods in moderation. I don't think I'm ready for moderation yet. I know I'm not ready for it! But still, the lure of fudge and ice cream and cookies makes me angry. Heck, even seeing a block of pepper jack cheese in the refrigerator makes me mad! I can't just break off a chunk and eat it. Cheese is something I physically cannot eat a lot of anyway. But still, I try to limit it to one ounce, on occasion.

8:45 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

10:35 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, Cheerios w/ skim milk; eaten at desk; I actually made pumpkin pancakes to begin with, but took one bite and didn't like them.

2:00 PM - baby carrots, walnuts; eaten at the movie theater; I went to the movies all by myself and finally saw The Dark Knight. It was a wonderful 3 hours to myself with good-for-me foods.

5:45 PM - sea food buffet; I won't list everything I ate but I am quite full; none of the food was stellar quality but I didn't overeat on any one thing; I had a salad and two plates of seafood - the plates weren't even full; I did sneak a bite of fudge while I was getting my son's dessert - I felt guilty and did not go get more dessert when I finished my meal; I did consider getting some ice cream or cheesecake, but since I would only allow myself one or the other and couldn't decide, I got nothing

These numbers are for everything except the buffet. I won't even try to guess the numbers for my dinner.

Calories - 759
Carbs - 61 (11 fiber)
Protein - 17
Fat - 54
C/P/F Ratio - 30.7/8.7/60.6

Binge No More by Joyce Nash (Pt 2)

The second part of this book begins with a chapter full of blank logs and questions for monitoring and analyzing your eating behavior. I won't be putting them here, but the log is very similar to Fairburn's.

Nash introduces the ABC Model of Behavior, to help identify when binges are likely.

Antecedents - the events and feelings that lead up to a binge
Behavior - the binge itself
Consequences - what happens after the binge

So, when monitoring your eating in the log, you would look for patterns in the A and C areas that will point out when and why your binges are likely to happen.

On this log, you include:

time of day
foods eaten
indicate whether you feel it was a binge
degree of hunger you felt before eating
where you were/what you were doing while eating

Nash provides a 21 item questionnaire for analyzing your logs. It looks at how often you binge, what may have triggered the binges, your thoughts and decisions made leading up to and during the binge. You're asked about consequences (both positive and negative), the types of foods you eat during the binge, and when and where you binge. Using your records and the questionnaire (do the analysis every week or two), you can determine which of the following is causing your binges:

seeking gratification
problem thinking
lack of consciousness
poor nutrition

So, now it's time to take action and change how you eat. Most of us bingers are also dieters, through not eating, restricting calories, or avoiding certain kinds of foods. In more extreme cases, some may use laxatives, diuretics, OTC diet pills, or exercise excessively to compensate for the caloric intake. This is the part of the self-help where we stop doing these things and start taking control over the forbidden foods.

Nash suggests introducing the forbidden foods a little at a time. Rather than having an all-or-nothing viewpoint, look at the foods on a continuum that allows you to make some not so great choices now and then. As often as possible, choose better foods, but don't ever consider something off limits.

This is where I run into problems, as a low carber. Nash recommends using the Food Pyramid to guide your choices, but this is so hotly debated among the different camps that I'm not even going to touch it here. I am not qualified in any way to say "do follow the food pyramid" or "don't follow the food pyramid" because it all depends on your own viewpoint regarding carbs, protein, and fat. There are the obvious things I agree with: occasional sweets and baked goods. But there are others on the list provided that I disagree with, just because I have history with lower carb diets. Should we stuff ourselves with peanut butter or ground pork or bacon or hot dogs? No, I don't think so, but I don't think they belong in the "Seldom" category. I eat bacon quite often. Sure, it's turkey bacon, but it's still bacon. I occasionally have peanut butter and pork. I do prefer to focus on some of the leaner diary and protein sources, but that doesn't mean I think we should all live on egg whites, skim milk, and spinach.

I also disagree with the number of servings given on the food pyramid - really, 6 to 11 servings of grains and cereals? I'd love to eat 11 cups of Cheerios a day, but I don't think that will help me at all. Vegetables, you can never go wrong with those, so I have no problem with the 3 to 5 servings recommended. Fruits, 2 to 4 servings, I'm not a big fan of fruit, but I suppose the quantity of fruit I eat in one or two sittings would fit (or maybe even exceed that some days). Dairy, 2 to 3 servings, sure. Protein, 2 to 3 servings, I don't agree with that one. Body for Life and Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle, and all the other muscle-centric stuff I've read suggest protein with every meal, especially if it has a starchy component. Something about slowing the absorption or whatever - I can never remember details. Fats, oils, and sugars used sparingly, okay, I am mixed on this one. I prefer moderate use of good fats and oils. Sugar, I definitely try to avoid that!

Enough of my commentary - back on topic. Here are Nash's suggestions for normal eating. They sound a lot like Fairburn's suggestions.

Eat 3 meals and 2-3 snacks per day, preferably at a set time.
Eat every 3-4 hours.
At first, focus on eating at the right times, rather than what you eat.
Never skip a meal.
Only eat when planned.
If you do mess up, get back on track as soon as you can.
Once you establish your time pattern, begin to intodroduce healthier foods.
Don't diet by not eating, restricting calories too much, or restricting food groups or specific foods.

It might seem counter-intuitive to not restrict when you're trying to lose weight, but like Fairburn, Nash suggests that structured eating with healthy choices can actually lead to weight loss. Eating regularly will decrease hunger, and you'll be less likely to binge on the foods that actually do make you gain weight. Having set times to eat reduces the opportunity for grazing. Keeping a schedule of 3-4 hours also keeps your metabolism up and stabilizes you mood, reducing the negative feelings that often trigger binges.

What about cravings? I remember earlier this summer, I wanted ice cream so badly. Nothing I did made that desire go away. It persisted all day long. I can't remember now if I actually had ice cream, but I think I managed to stay away. To deal with cravings, Nash suggests following your schedule, don't think of something as a bad food - think of it as something you should limit, and try to catch the craving early (leave the area of temptation if you're around the food that you're craving, focus your attention elsewhere, or disrupt your senses by brushing your teeth, chewing gum or a mint, or smelling something strong). Have a list of alternatives to eating available. Remember the list of activities Fairburn suggested keeping with you at all times? Apparently a good strategy. If you really can't resist, go ahead and have just a little. (Of course, if you don't have issues with portion control, this is just fine. But I can never stop at just a little bit, so it's a big issue for me.) If you do indulge, do it without guilt. Guilty feelings lead to self-loathing, which leads to more binges. When you want something, give yourself 10-15 minutes to see if the desire passes. If it doesn't, try one of the alternatives mentioned above. Determine how important giving in to your craving is and decide how much you should eat. Then eat it and stick with your plan.

If you've been sticking to your plan, reward yourself. Use a star/sticker chart to illustrate your ups and downs. Set up a reward system. For example, no binges in 2 weeks, buy yourself a CD or a DVD. Don't punish yourself for not meeting a goal though! You don't need to be perfect. Be consistent instead, with the number of binges decreasing over time.

In order to change your behavior, you have to change how you think. We often make mistakes with our thought processes. We adopt all-or-nothing mentalities, or rely only on our emotions that are often negative. We overgeneralize the way we eat and/or look. We see doom and gloom in the future, or think we know how others view us. All of this negativity sabotages our efforts not to binge, and we all have these voices in our heads:

The Critic - the judgmental voice that chips away at our self-esteem
The Excuse-Maker - the coping voice that justifies your behaviors (boy, this is a big one for me!)
The Worrier - the voice that predicts disaster, that you'll get fat if you eat that potato chip
The Caretaker - the voice that puts our own needs on the back burner in favor of the needs of others
The Victim - the voice that says it's unfair to be afflicted with these problems (yeah, another one I'm guilty of - I've noted my resentment often, that I can't just eat what and when I want)
The Enforcer - the voice that cracks the whip and demands perfection in our eating and exercising
The Voice of Negativity - the voice that points out all your flaws
The Voice of an Eating Disorder - the voice that tells you "this is who you are and how it is" when it doesn't need to be that way

Nash provides a work sheet for identifying what your voices are telling you. You use this work sheet to reprogram your brain to become a more positive thinker. Nash suggests using index cards to write out positive thoughts. You could use anything - Post-It Notes, a computer program to send daily reminders, whatever. Post something positive in your blog every day. Find something every day, or as often as you need it, to remind yourself that you are not all of those things the negative voices say.

Nash also has a chapter dealing with body image, including a bunch of questions about how you perceive your body during various periods of your life. I'm not going to review specifics here because, quite frankly, it's hard for me to relate to any of it. I think my view of my body shape and size is very realistic, and it's not that I'm ashamed of my body in any way. Yes, I tend to keep it covered because really, no one should see that ghost white skin and stretch marks. I think my body size and shape goals are also realistic - I don't want to be thin. I want to be curvy and muscular. I think here are some parts of my body that look pretty darn good (I love my legs - they may be short, but I can see muscle and I think they curve in an appealing way. My husband loves my legs and never hesitates to tell me!)

Coping with disordered eating is an entirely different beast for me. Nash talks about problem-focused coping and emotion-focused coping. Problem-focused coping uses problem-solving strategies and other active methods of change that can influence a situation. I suck at problem solving. I'm not an outside-of-the-box thinker at all. In fact, even obvious solutions are often a mystery to me. Emotion-focused coping occurs when there isn't much about a situation that can be influenced, including negative feelings. For the disordered eater, this results in avoidance and escape.

Nash's strategy problem-focused coping looks a lot like Fairburn's:

Define the problem
Generate a list of alternative activities
Choose a solution and execute it

Fairburn's strategy is a little more complicated (off the top of my head, I recall a step that requires we consider the consequences of each possible alternative), but I think either one can be a good starting point.

Nash's strategy for emotion-focused coping involves relaxation and deep breathing:

Imagine a relaxing scene
When you're relaxed, end the imagery
If you want, pre-plan your imagery (even write it down) - I do this!! Well, I pre-plan the dreams I'd like to have when I fall asleep. Same concept. Yes, I'm weird.
Practice imagery. I do this too. I pre-plan the dreams several times a day. This is probably why I get so little done around the house.

There's more in the book's remaining chapter and a half that I just cannot properly summarize. There's a bit of psychology involved and I could just not do justice to any kind of write-up. I've covered the bare bones of both books here in my blog anyway, and if you think you may have binge eating disorder, I highly recommend either (or both) books. I'd start with the Joyce Nash book (Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating) and if you feel you need more, get the Christopher Fairburn Book (Overcoming Binge Eating).

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Binge No More by Joyce Nash (Pt 1)

Like the Fairburn book, I could identify with a lot of the stuff in here immediately. In the preface, the opening statement is really important, and it made me feel a lot better about myself:

Binge eating is a not a moral failure.

We're not bad people because we binge. We're not weak. We're not less of woman/man/parent/friend/human being because we binge. I know it's hard not to hate ourselves when we're in the middle of a binge, and even after one. But we need to remember that were are not failures because of it.

Nash sums up binge eating rather nicely:
The eating binge is often the paradoxical consequence of attempts to restrict caloric intake with the intention of losing weight or maintaining weight loss. Unable to cope with hunger or deprivation, the eating disordered person succumbs to the overwhelming urge to eat. For many, stress and associated negative emotions trigger the binge. Many failures at weight management occur because bouts of excessive dieting cancel out efforts at caloric restriction.

Every single word of this paragraph applies to me. Whenever I diet, I try to avoid certain things. Sometimes it's fat, sometimes it's carbs, always it's junk. And after a few successful weeks, I begin to obsess about that which I "can't" have. The dam bursts and I eat everything I shouldn't, which leads to more unhealthy eating, and before I know it, I've gained back everything I managed to lose.

According to Nash, binge eating disorder (BED) - also called compulsive eating or emotional eating - affects 2% of the population. BED sufferers may also be overweight, and the more overweight someone is, the more severely affected they are by the disorder. A binge eating disorder is defined as:

persistent and frequent binge eating that is not accompanies by the regular use of the kinds of compensatory behaviors (for example, vomiting, abuse of laxatives) that characterize bulimia nervosa.

Nash cites the American Psychiatric Association for an official definition of binge eating disorder, which is pretty much the same as the one Fairburn provided:

An episode of binge-eating is characterized by both of the following: (1) eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any two hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time and under similar circumstances, and, (2) a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating).

In layman's terms: a loss of control over eating! Binges can occur in a definitive period of time or over several days. The latter is called a grazing binge. That's me. I'm a grazer most of the time. Sometimes my binges are short, but more often than not, I'll eat junk for days. The triggers are the same - anxiety, depression, loneliness, and boredom. For those with eating disorders, eating shuts us off from these things.

I think anorexia and bulimia are the eating disorders that come to most minds when the subject is brought up. I know I didn't realize that binge eating was a disorder all its own until very, very recently. I knew bulimics binged but that didn't apply to me because I never purged. It's nice to belong to a category!

Speaking of categories, Nash introduces the concept of subclinical eating disorders. Basically, if all the conditions for any of the eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating) aren't met, one may still have a sub-disorder. People who binge, but not often, are thought to have subclinical binge eating disorder. I'm not sure how I feel about this "sub" component. I haven't really seen anything in this book or the Fairburn book that describes the frequency of binges, so where is the line between frequent and infrequent binging?

Nash also talks about night eating and sleep-related disorders. Neither applies to me, but they are worth mentioning. With night-eating syndrome, people skip breakfast and lunch and consume the bulk of their calories during the evening and night, sometimes even during the night when they can't sleep. I used to skip breakfast and sometimes lunch and definitely eat most of my calories at dinner and after, but I never woke up in the middle of the night to eat. Nocturnal sleep-related eating disorder is when someone (usually a woman) wakes in the morning to find evidence of having eaten, but no memory of it.

So, who is at risk to binge? Young women, particularly those who diet. Overweight & obese people who go through repeated cycles of dieting and regaining weight. Homosexual men are more likely to binge than heterosexual men. Certain athletes, such as gymnasts, figure skaters, jockeys, and wrestlers, who need to keep weight down or within a certain class for competition. Military personnel and people with high profile occupations, such as those in the fashion industry, are also at risk.

Binge eating disorder may occur with other problems, such as substance abuse, depression, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders. I don't have any experience with substance abuse, fortunately. Depression - I've never been officially diagnosed with it, but I know that when I experience the regular (as in, not chronic) depression, I tend to want to binge. I don't think I suffer from anxiety disorders, or OCD. Of course, I do experience those phenomena, but not nearly enough to be classified psychologically. I also do not suffer from any of the personality disorders discussed in the book.

Borderline personality disorder: unstable, intense, or chaotic relationships in which they vacillate between idealizing and devaluing the other person. They are extremely sensitive, which can result in anger-triggered binges.

Histrionic personality organization: persistent need for attention, acceptance, and approval by others. They are also sensitive, but to the moods of others, and often manipulate others, sustaining superficial relationships. In addition, they are moody and become easily bored and frustrated, which can trigger binges.

Avoidant personality organization: shy individuals who want to have relationships, but their fear of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection by others keeps them from reaching out. They keep to themselves and often have low self-esteem and avoid social situations. Hmmm, this sounds like me, a little bit.

Dependent personality organization: have a pervasive sense of inferiority and helplessness. They can't make decisions for themselves and have a need to be taken care of. In order to keep their relationships intact, they often keep feelings to themselves, remaining passive, and sometimes becoming victims of abuse.

Obsessive-compulsive personality organization: overly concerned with orderliness and logic (which is different from obsessive-compulsive disorder - characterized by intrusive and unwanted thoughts or images). This might be me. I like things "just so" and it makes me crazy when things are not in their place, physically and logically.

So, what does binge eating do to the body? I don't recall this being covered in too much detail in the Fairburn book, but there is an entire chapter here devoted to the discussion. I'll just briefly outline it here:

Gastrointestinal Disturbances
* bloating, constipation, and abdominal pain because food stays in the stomach longer when restrictive dieting occurs (I had no idea!!)
* stomach dilation, perforation, or bleeding due to rapid overeating

Fluids and Electrolytes
* certain minerals (such as sodium and potassium) are necessary for our nerves and muscles to function properly, and when binge eaters purge, they lose these electrolytes, resulting in muscle cramps, spasms, and in extreme cases, cardiac arrest

Cardiovascular System
* irregular heartbeat, cardiac arrest, slowed heart rate, low blood pressure are all common
* high cholesterol and high blood pressure are often seen in obese bingers

Bones and Metabolism
* low estrogen levels lead to loss of bone mass and osteoporosis
* problems with mineral absorption
* low blood sugar
* loss of muscle mass when dieting slows metabolism

Skin and Hair
* loss of hair on head while soft body hair develops
* dry skin of unhealthy color
* brittle nails

* vomiting of purgers leads to enamel loss

Menstrual/Reproductive System
* with anorexia, loss of menstrual cycle
* with obesity, less frequent ovulation and pregnancy complications (I couldn't get pregnant until I lost 50 pounds back in 2003)

Other Problems
* kidney and liver damage
* weakened immune system
* cold intolerance
* fainting
* sleep disruption

Nash's chapter on the causes of disordered eating offers a lot of information. From cultural factors (such as the popularity of super-thin models) to biological and psychological influences, it's packed full of discussion that I cannot possibly convey here properly.

Family Influences:
* bulimic and BED - controlling parents, families are conflicted and disorganized, seldom express feelings
* anorexic - controlling, overprotective parents, rigid, avoid conflict
* mother/daughter relationships - if the mother exhibits disordered eating, the daughter is likely to
* father/daughter relationships - father's attitude towards food/weight influence daughter's perception of food/weight

* abusive/unsafe environments lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, desire to please at any cost

Self Concept (role one plays in family)
* Worthless Self - unsupportive families lead to using food as a way to cope
* People Pleaser - self-worth is related to how others see them and will do whatever necessary to gain approval, including giving in to pressures related to food and weight
* High Achiever - pressure to be perfect leads to stress and need to be in total control

Environmental Influences
* School - peer pressure, adolescent vulnerabilities affect self-esteem
* Peers - teasing and sharing of diet related information make dieting more likely

Psychological Factors
* Comparing oneself to others
* Calorie restriction
* Low self-esteem and stress
* Desire to escape negative feelings

Biological Influences
* Hormone changes
* Carbohydrate craving (like Fairburn, Nash thinks there are problems with the theory:)

When carbohydrate cravers consume carbohydrates such as chocolate, they experience improved mood and less fatigue, whereas non-cravers report feeling more depressed and more fatigued after eating carbohydrates.

So what is wrong with the theory that eating carbs increases serotonin levels in the brain? The research did not involve human subjects - though, I would sure sign up to eat chocolate!! Nash also questions whether binge eaters really have low levels of serotonin. I say, do some darn studies!! I know eating chocolate makes me feel good (at least at first) and I still can't wrap my head around the "myth" of carbohydrate craving. I feel like I experience it - how can it be a myth?

Other Influences
* Genetics - possibly, but more studies are needed
* Hunger and Starvation - obsession with food, mood swings, irritability, loss of control lead to binge eating

Chemical Dependency - like Fairburn, Nash doesn't think there's a complete parallel between binge eating and alcoholism/drug addiction
* primarily because no studies show direct biochemical influences of consuming a forbidden food
* "cravings" for foods, like sweets, are more like learned responses - the increased serotonin from consuming sweets "trains" us to want those foods when we're experiencing negative feelings
* the addiction model encourages "all-or-nothing" thinking, which can lead to more binges

Types of Binges

* The hunger binge is triggered by physical deprivation. Restricting food can cause mood swings, obsessive thoughts about food, suppression of hunger (especially when endorphins are released from exercise). Eventually, something is going to give, and it will most likely be your control. The best thing to do? Eat regularly - most of the recommendations I've seen say 3 meals and 2-3 snacks. I try to do it that way, and eat every 3-4 hours.

* The deprivation binge begins with a sense of wanting or needing something but not knowing just what it is that is wanted. This is most often seen when the dieter has forbidden foods. For me, it's the chocolate and other sweets. Sometimes, it's all I think about and I focus more and more on what I can't have. Then I lose it.

* The stress binge, sometimes called "emotional eating," serves to alter moods and can produce dissociation - a state in which emotion is split off from reality - allowing the person to feel less overwhelmed. Eating is a way to escape from whatever we're experiencing. I know there are times when I'm stressed and all I want is to stuff my face. My son's first day of preschool is a good example. I was so upset when I bough that ice cream for him that I really just wanted to eat it all up right there in the grocery line. (Though, I am proud to say that I have not touched that ice cream at all!)

* The opportunity binge occurs because of the combination of boredom and unstructured time. When I have nothing to do, I tend to want to eat, but if I am constructively occupied, I barely think of food!

* The vengeful binge is a way of venting hostility. Oh, this is definitely me! When I get mad, I eat. It's probably the one emotion most likely to trigger a binge for me. Then I get angrier, of course, and binge some more.

* The pleasure binge is triggered by the desire for stimulation and entertainment. Eating as a reward. I'll admit, I do this on occasion. When I was doing Body For Life, I had a "free" day every Sunday as part of the plan, and I could eat whatever I wanted. I quickly learned that I cannot handle a free day because it would be a binge and not just overeating or a small cheat. I found Mondays extremely difficult for getting back on plan.

*The habit binge is the binge that is on automatic pilot. Also called a grazing binge, it involves almost non-stop eating without effort to control of feel guilty about it. I've done this many times. Overeating at a restaurant, I'd have excessive dessert. Then I would buy more junk food on the way home and eat all of it. Then I'd raid my freezer or pantry for whatever else I could get my teeth into.

Stages of a Binge
* Tension Buildup - whatever factors lead up to the binge
* Tension Release - the eating itself, and any behaviors (such as purging) that bring the binge to an end
* Recovery - a low energy phase with symptoms that may include headache, nausea, fatigue
* New Beginning - often just a short period of time when the individual attempts to stop binging and lose weight, and usually leads to another binge cycle

Triggers of a Binge - Nash lists an entire page of triggers, which I won't copy here. The usual suspects are there: stress, anxiety, hunger, obsessions, boredom, low self-esteem.

NROL - Week 4 - Saturday

Another miserable night. I took Tylenol PM last night and just as I fell asleep, my son threw up all over the bed, so I was wide awake cleaning that up. The poor little guy was up on and off with the sniffles, and of course that means I am up on and off all night. I did sleep in a little this morning and I seriously considered pushing my workout to tomorrow. But as soon as he got up, my son seemed fine. He still has a runny nose and sniffles, but he's acting normal. Which means I can do my routine. So, I did. I did the NROL Break In B workout, same parameters as Tuesday:

deadlifts 2x15x57

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15x10
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x15

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x62
reverse crunch 2x20xbw

I'm thinking of buying a few sessions with a personal trainer. A new sports club opened up down the road - I actually pass it on the way to my son's school - and I think it would be good for me to get some professional input on my form. Of course, I could always do a video and upload it and have one of the boards I'm on critique my form, but they can't physically guide any adjustments I'd need. So, I am going to keep that in the back of my head.

Food has been really weird lately. I've been eating too many not-so-good carbs and not enough green vegetables (as I mentioned yesterday). And of course, the thought of all the foods I "can't" have is always there. One of my big problems is preparation and storage of food. Take the cantaloupe, for example. I eat it half a melon at a time. This is a bit excessive, but I just don't feel like storing it differently than I do (I just toss on a reusable stretchy cover). But if I cut back to a quarter melon and included, say, a hard-boiled egg, I think I'd better meet my goals to keep carbs down a little and fats up a bit. Of course, that would mean I'd have to make hard-boiled eggs, which is always a challenge because I never know when I'm going to get a good peel. I can't eat an egg that's been butchered during peeling. I've tried a million different methods of cooking and peeling the eggs. Sometimes they work, sometimes not. And then, sometimes I don't eat all the eggs before they go bad - even if I only make a few! Of course, these are just excuses for my laziness.

8:40 AM - cantaloupe; eaten on couch before workout

10:30 AM - Cheerios w/ skim milk; eaten on couch shortly after workout; I was wiped out and starving; I should have had some protein but I just desperately wanted Cheerios. Then I wanted more. I could live on them. But I stuck to one serving!

12:05 PM - chicken breast, baby carrots, colby cheese; eaten on couch; I ate slowly while reading a book and actually felt quite full by the time I finished

12:30 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

3:00 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, pumpkin carrot muffins; eaten at desk; I made banana bread for my husband and the pumpkin muffins were my reward for not licking the bowl.

6:35 PM - scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, broccoli, mozzarella cheese; eaten at desk; I didn't really want to cook and I seriously considered skipping dinner

Calories - 1517
Carbs - 147 (21 fiber)
Protein - 98
Fat - 63
C/P/F Ratio - 38.1/25.3/36.6

Friday, August 29, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Friday

No cardio today. I slept horribly last night and didn't even fall asleep until after 1 AM, then I was up before 6 AM. I'm pretty useless and I have a headache. And I'm hungry. I'll have to go back and look at my menu the last time I had trouble sleeping.

I need to start eating more vegetables.

6:40 AM - cantaloupe; eaten on couch; this stuff was so refreshing!!

9:30 AM - turkey bacon, eggs, coffee w/ cream & Splenda, pumpkin carrot muffins; eaten on couch; good stuff! I felt guilty for eating 2 muffins, especially after eating half a cantaloupe earlier, but what the heck?

1:00 PM - brown rice & top round steak; eaten on couch; this was the last of my burned steak

6:00 PM - roasted chicken breast, homemade bread stuffing; eaten at dining table; not overly satisfying, as it was my first time making the stuffing and it was really salty

Calories - 1455
Carbs - 157 (22 fiber)
Protein - 102
Fat - 51
C/P/F Ratio - 42/27.3/30.7

Thursday, August 28, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Thursday

Today was the NROL Break In A workout:

squats 2x15x32

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15x7.5
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x15

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

I am beginning to warm up to this program. I hated it in earlier weeks, but I really feel like I'm working hard. I know how much one sweats is not a good indicator of how hard one is working, but I sweat a lot, my heart rate gets elevated a bit, and I feel good. Well, as good as I can be with quivery arms and legs.

I have to admit, I am getting very nervous about this holiday weekend. My father-in-law is coming to visit, and when he is down here, he takes us to a very expensive seafood buffet. The food itself is not the problem for me. I can limit myself on that because, quite frankly, I'm not a fan of the food. However, the desserts are to die for, and that is where I run into problems. But alas, that's not the only issue. Tomorrow, I promised my son we'd take him to his favorite buffet to celebrate his first week of school. Again, it's not the food, but the desserts. I don't know if I should try to have a dessert or not. I do worry that it will trigger something in me. I am fairly certain I will eat a bit more regular food than I should. I'm always happy when the selection sucks, because then I stick to the salad bar. But that dessert bar gets me most of the time. I think I've managed to escape it once. So I'm not sure what to do here. Maybe if I skip dessert there, I can come home and treat myself to some pumpkin carrot muffins!

6:40 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch

9:00 AM - pumpkin carrot muffin, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten on couch; this was the last muffin, but I thought there were two left. Guess what I'm making today?

12:40 PM - brown rice & steak w/ steak sauce; eaten at desk; leftover burnt meat - yummy!! I also licked the bowl from the batch of muffins I made. Don't worry - I scraped most of it into the muffin cups.

1:35 PM - pumpkin carrot muffins; I gobbled it down as I walked out of the kitchen; these things are so good, I could just weep!

5:00 PM - Well, okay, we went out to dinner tonight, last minute change of plans. I had a salad (lettuce, onion, hard boiled egg, baby corn, pepperoni) with ranch dressing, wild rice and vegetables, and a 9 oz sirloin steak, medium rare! And NO DESSERT!!!!

Since I couldn't track what I ate at the restaurant, these numbers only reflect what I ate before dinner.

Calories - 1026
Carbs - 128 (10 fiber)
Protein - 61
Fat - 32
C/P/F Ratio - 49.2/23.4/27.5

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Wednesday

I am an emotional wreck today. My four year old, who has never spent more than a few hours away from me and only two hours away from a parent, started preschool today. After I dropped him off, I went to the store to buy him a treat for after school. He loves Dibs (the ice cream) and Food Lion had them on sale. I bought 2 cartons. I was so tempted to just eat them all in my car, right there in the parking lot. But I didn't. I drove home, and divided the Dibs into little snack cups. I wanted to eat them all right there in the kitchen. But I didn't. I stuck all the snack cups in the freezer. Then, I couldnt' decide whether or not I was going to do some cardio. I really planned on not doing it, because I wanted to wallow in my sorrow. Then I was going to do it. Then I was just going to use the Wii. Then I figured I would be mad at myself if I didn't do real exercise. (Not that the Wii Fit/Sports isn't real exercise - you get out what you put in with that, and some of the activities, I just can't really get into, and I certainly never feel as active as I do when I'm doing other things.) Then I decided not to work out at all. But I did! I did the Tae Bo Cardio Circuit 1 again. I actually practiced those moves a bit that were giving me trouble last time. I think if I just keep practicing, I'll get them all down. When all was said and done, I was glad I worked out. It distracted me from missing my baby and, of course, I got some exercise.

It's going to take me a while to get used to a new schedule. Unless I get up at 5 AM, I have to save my workouts until after I drop my son off at school. I should be getting home by 8 AM, which isn't bad. I wanted to have my days free to do whatever, but I really don't have anything to do anyway. So, I guess there won't be any getting up at 5 AM.

Today is rough. I want to eat - not necessarily junk food, but I want to eat. There are 3 pumpkin muffins left. There's a big bowl of brown rice. I could easily eat all that. I wouldn't consider that a binge - just overeating. But I worry that overeating will trigger a binge. There is ice cream in the freezer, after all. What if I eat that rice and think, "Screw it! I've already blown it, might as well eat all this ice cream." That's the kind of thing I worry about if I just eat too much of something decent. Of course, that is something I'm going to need to learn to handle.

Ok, I burned dinner and I'm really freaking mad. In all the after school excitement, I wasn't paying attention. I cut up some beef to make a chili and it burned. It's something I can eat some other time, but not something I'm willing to serve to anyone else. So now I'm angry and hungry as hell because I forgot to have a snack with my son.

6:45 AM - homemade protein shake

10:45 AM - tuna fish on whole wheat roll; eaten on couch; not satisfying at all

11:30 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

2:00 PM - apple w/ peanut butter; eaten at desk; I didn't want a full meal because I want to have a snack with my son when he gets home from school

5:45 PM - mozzarella sticks; I scarfed these down in the kitchen while trying to figure out what the heck to eat for dinner

6:00 PM - brown rice, top round steak, cheese hot dog, carrot; eaten at desk; I ate some of the meat I burned earlier as well as the rest of my son's dinner - I didn't want it to go to waste but I still feel guilty for eating it. I could have put it in a bowl for him to eat later but I'm just too cranky to deal with that.

8:30 PM - pumpkin carrot muffin

Calories - 1728
Carbs - 135 (15 fiber)
Protein - 129
Fat - 75
C/P/F Ratio - 31.1/29.9/38.9

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Tuesday

I did the NROL Break In B workout:

deadlifts 2x15x57 (up 5 pounds)

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15x10 (up 5 pounds)
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x15 (up 3 pounds)

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x62 (up 6 pounds)
reverse crunch 2x20xbw

I have to say, I really love those presses. This workout was the hardest I've done so far. It felt great!

I am exhausted today. I was up half the night because my son actually stayed in his own bed all night and I kept waking up to consider checking on him. I never did, but each time I woke up, it took me a while to get back to sleep. He starts pre-school tomorrow, so we're going to bed early tonight.

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

8:45 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten at table while reading a book

9:30 AM - South Beach Tide Me Over water packet

11:15 AM - grilled chicken salad w/ ranch dressing from McDonald's

3:00 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten in kitchen

6:15 PM - chicken patties (chicken breast, egg, mozzarella cheese) wrapped in turkey bacon; eaten at desk; I probably ate too much bacon, but I was hungry

Calories - 1777
Carbs - 121 (16 fiber)
Protein - 143
Fat - 79
C/P/F Ratio - 27.4/32.3/40.3

Monday, August 25, 2008

NROL - Week 4 - Monday

I did the Tae Bo Cardio Circuit 1 again today. I had to keep stopping and rewinding during the total body circuit because I cannot get 2 of the moves down!! It was incredibly frustrating because he doesn't really do it in slow motion or at a learning pace. I'll just have to keep working at it. And the overall pace of the workout is a lot faster than I can keep up with. And my balance sucks.

I'm obviously in a pissy mood today. Bah! I know my numbers are skimpy but I just don't feel like dealing with food preparation today.

7:15 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

10:30 AM - bacon, cheese, onion, tomato & mustard on whole wheat roll, coffee w/ cream and Splenda; eaten on couch; I ate slowly and savored it! It was good

6:30 PM - roasted chicken breast, broccoli & cauliflower; eaten at dining table; I went way too long without eating but I didn't go overboard when I finally did eat dinner

Calories - 1191
Carbs - 106 (27 fiber)
Protein - 110
Fat - 40
C/P/F Ratio - 34.6/36/29.4

Sunday, August 24, 2008

SparkPeople article on disordered eating!

I just wanted to link this while I was on the page, rather than save it for my summary of the Joyce Nash book. posted a blog entry about a recent study on disordered eating.

NROL - Week 3 - Sunday

Weigh in day. 155.5 - that's up 2 pounds since last week. I realize this is the nature of the beast but it's still incredibly frustrating. I was tempted to skimp on my meals today, but I didn't. I did go through everything I've been eating, trying to figure out where I went "wrong" and concluded that I'm being ridiculous. My eating has been fine. I could probably stand to ingest a few more vegetables but I can't point to anything severely amiss in my diet.

I haven't been that great about writing down the diet pop I drink. Always assume I drink a lot, okay?

I'm still working on the Nash summary. It's difficult because a lot of it is similar to the Fairburn book. I don't want to be redundant, but at the same time, I want the summary to actually summarize the book. But it's hard for me to differentiate what is new and what I already know from reading the other book.

And as far as my weekly binge summary goes, I think I've done well. I've eaten a bit more than I should have at times and there's certainly room for improvements, but the fact that I've had no binges is good, and I am satisfied with my progress in that area.

9:10 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, turkey bacon, tomato, cheese, onion & mustard on whole wheat roll; eaten on couch while watching tv; I ate slowly and was still hungry but didn't eat anything immediately

10:30 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, whole wheat pumpkin muffins; eaten on couch; have I mentioned how much I love these things?

2:00 PM - chicken breast, baby carrots & bleu cheese dressing; eaten on couch; I'd just gotten home from running errands and I was starving! Fortunately, I did not buy any junk food while I was out

6:00 PM - stuffed peppers (green peppers, ground beef, brown rice, tomato sauce); eaten at dining table

Calories - 1652
Carbs - 140 (18 fiber)
Protein - 97
Fat - 79
C/P/F Ratio - 33.8/23.4/42.8

Saturday, August 23, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Saturday

I think my brain is going to fry. I'm trying to read the No Binge book by Joyce Nash and Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes at the same time. The Taubes book is a library book I put on hold and wasn't expecting to soon, so this is my only window of opportunity.

Today was the NROL Break In A workout:

squats 2x15x32 (up 5 pounds)

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15x7.5 (up 2.5 pounds)
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x15 (up 3 pounds)

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

I am getting used to the 15 rep sets, I think. I wasn't nearly as angry as I normally am today. Progress! Three more weeks of Break In!

I seem to do a lot of eating on the couch. Seriously, I don't spend the day there! It's just nice to take a break and sit somewhere comfortable! Our dining table is in the living room anyway (it's a big-ish room).

I also ate a small bite of my son's banana (it was mushy and he wouldn't eat it) and 2 pieces of popcorn.

8:55 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

10:05 AM - honey puff cereal w/ milk; eaten on couch; My son insisted I buy these for him but then wouldn't eat them. I didn't want them to go to waste, but I didn't care for them - I'd rather have Cheerios.

10:30 AM - South Beach Tide Me Over protein water (hey, I remembered to log it this time!!)

12:00 PM - chicken breast, red beans, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten on couch

12:30 PM - whole wheat pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten on couch; these muffins are so good.

2:15 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

6:30 PM - scrambled eggs w/ chipotle sauce & turkey bacon; eaten at desk; it doesn't feel like I went 6 hours without eating - I know I was really hungry by the time I finally started cooking

9:45 PM - whole wheat pumpkin muffins; eaten on couch; a little late for a snack and they put my numbers up there, but these are so good!! It takes everything in me not to eat all of them in one sitting.

Calories - 1761
Carbs - 199 (33 fiber)
Protein - 123
Fat - 53
C/P/F Ratio - 45/27.9/27

Friday, August 22, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Friday

I did the Billy Blanks Tae Bo Cardio Circuit 1 dvd today - 35 minutes of uncoordinated sweat. Ok, only the last 15 minutes were uncoordinated. Overall, a decent enough video for me to get cardio out of the way.

6:40 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

11:00 AM - Cheerios w/ milk, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten on couch in a bowl I've decided will be my Cheerios Only bowl

1:55 PM - whole wheat pumpkin carrot muffin

2:25 PM - homemade protein shake (1 scoop chocolate protein powder, 1 cup skim milk, 1/2 tbs sugar free fat free chocolate pudding mix); too lazy to actually cook anything, plus I'm craving chocolate

3:10 PM - baby carrots; eaten at desk; still too lazy to cook but hungry

4:35 PM - mozzarella string cheese; eaten at desk; just waiting to cook dinner, but I really want junk food

6:00 PM - spicy chicken salad w/ lettuce, celery & bleu cheese dressing; eaten at dinner table; I felt full with the lettuce before even starting the chicken - who gets full on lettuce?? After eating the chicken, I was satisfied, but half hour later, I was hungry again

Calories - 1581
Carbs - 137 (16 fiber)
Protein - 142
Fat - 57
C/P/F Ratio - 33.6/34.9/31.6

Thursday, August 21, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Thursday

I'm feeling a little frustrated today. I don't know why. I feel like I haven't been making enough progress with my weight loss, and that's absurd! I'm still resentful that I can't just eat what I want, when I want it. I do feel good about the choices I've been making, though, and that is keeping me focused.

I'm having some wicked, wicked cravings today! So much so that I'm considering making some low carb treats, but the portion control issue (as in, I have none!) is stopping me. But I'd kill for a chocolate oatmeal no bake cookie right now!!

I did the NROL Break In B workout, same parameters as Saturday:

deadlifts 2x15x52

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15x5
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x12

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x56
reverse crunch 2x20xbw

I desperately want to drop the ab work from my weight training and do Ab Jam (or even check out that Crunchless Abs program). I hate lying down to do abs. It makes my whole body hurt. If I can find an effective alternative, I may go with that. Ab Jam - the standing segment - takes about 9 minutes, so it would take a little longer, but it's fun and has a little bit of a cardio feeling to it.

8:40 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

12:10 PM - tuna patties w/ colby cheese, mustard, horseradish sauce, onion & tomato on whole wheat roll, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten on couch; I ate slowly while reading the No Binge book; it didn't feel like enough but after about 20 minutes, I wasn't hungry

3:20 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, chicken & red bean salad w/ sour cream & salsa; eaten at desk; not super hungry but need a holdover meal until dinner

7:00 PM - diet cherry Pepsi, turkey bacon, eggs; eaten at desk; I definitely ate too much here

Calories - 1654
Carbs - 104 (23 fiber)
Protein - 149
Fat - 68
C/P/F Ratio - 25.5/36.7/37.8

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Wednesday

Again with the nightmares! I slept a little better than I did Sunday night, but man, this is ridiculous! I would say the melatonin is the culprit, but I've been taking if for quite some time now and I usually only get vivid dreams after a break from it. Maybe it's the anxiety of my four year old starting preschool next Wednesday.

Because of the dreams, I got up early. Well, the normal time I should be getting up - lately I've been sleeping in. As soon as my husband left for work, I did the Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout. I also managed to get in 45 minutes (on and off) on the Wii Fit. The Rhythm Boxing is so much fun!! I did a few of the aerobic activities and actually worked up a sweat!

In other exciting developments, the Joyce Nash book I ordered, Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating, arrived in the mail today. As with the Fairburn book, I could immediately identify with some of the stories in it. I'll be reading that the rest of the week and hopefully have the summaries up here early next week.

Oh, and before I forget - again - I've had the South Beach Tide Me Over water packets a couple times in the last few days, but I've been forgetting to add them to my tracker! I even wrote it down yesterday and still forgot!!!! So, just in the interest of honesty, I'm noting my omission here, but not bothering to go back and redo my numbers. I'm not that obsessive.

Before dinner, I felt a bit of panic. I got upset over something trivial and wanted to eat away my anger. There was ice cream in the house. There were Doritos in the house. I passed.

6:25 AM - apple & cottage cheese w/ cinnamon & Splenda; eaten on couch before workout; I actually ate slowly and enjoyed it

9:40 AM - turkey bacon, tomato, onion, mustard & horseradish sauce on whole wheat roll, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten on couch; these things are just too darn small

1:30 PM - mozzarella string cheese; eaten in kitchen; I got so sidetracked with the Wii Fit and running to the store, then catching up on stuff online that I kept putting off lunch, so I had the cheese to hold me over while it cooked

2:05 PM - baked sweet potato & roasted chicken breast, coffee w/ cream & Splenda; eaten at desk; it was kind of bland and I'm a little frustrated about that

5:00 PM - yogurt; eaten at desk to hold me over until dinner

8:00 PM - "taco" salad (lettuce, ground beef, red beans, sour cream & salsa), iced tea; eaten at desk

Calories - 1724
Carbs - 150 (24 fiber)
Protein - 121
Fat - 73
C/P/F Ratio - 34.6/27.8/37.6

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Tuesday

I must state, for the record, that I really dislike the New Rules of Lifting Break In workouts. And I peeked ahead, and the next phase is no picnic. I know it's called working out for a reason but I wanted to cry today!!! My balance for static lunges is horrible! I bought the Wii Fit so I could work on my balance, but I don't use it. I must make a commitment to that, twice a week, maybe on cardio day. Squats were a little better today because I took a bit wider stance, but I was dying by the end of each set. My form is a little off because of my balance issues - no, I haven't backed off the weight yet. I really have to do that, too. It's so weird that it's the leg exercises that are killing me, when any other time, it's the arms. Bah!

Today was the NROL Break In A workout, same parameters as last week:

squats 2x15x27

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15x5
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x12

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

9:10 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

1:00 PM - grilled chicken bacon ranch salad w/ ranch dressing; eaten at McDonald's; I was starving from running errands all day and I'm shocked I didn't buy a candy bar at the store then order something really horrible *coughdoublequarterpounderwithcheeseandlaargefrycough* from McD's.

4:00 PM - walnuts; eaten at desk; I was going to just push on until dinner, but that would be way too long to go without eating

6:40 PM - chicken sandwich (chicken breast, avocado, light mayo, double fiber bread, American cheese) & iced tea; eaten at dinner table; I was hungry and didn't feel completely satisfied after eating, but I didn't eat more

Calories - 1478
Carbs - 94 (25 fiber)
Protein - 110
Fat - 83
C/P/F Ratio - 24/28.1/47.9

Monday, August 18, 2008

NROL - Week 3 - Monday

I had one of the worst nights ever last night, in terms of sleep!! I went in to bed around 9:30-10:00 and read for a little while. I was getting sleepy but I really wanted to finish the book. I finished around midnight, then I could not fall asleep!! When I finally did an hour later, I kept having bad dreams and waking up every 15 minutes or so. I'm exhausted! Needless to day, I didn't do any cardio this morning. I didn't even run the errands I'd planned on! Hopefully I can get to sleep early tonight. I'm beat!!

8:20 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch in a hurry

9:00 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream

12:24 PM - turkey bacon, onion, avocado, & tomato w/ chipotle sauce on double fiber wheat bread; eaten at desk; I was hungry but trying not to eat - I need to stop that!

1:50 PM - a bite of banana (probably less than an ounce); I was peeling a banana for my son and part of it stayed in the peel - I just popped it in my mouth without thinking it through all the way

5:45 PM - roasted chicken breast, low carb broccoli & cauliflower gratin (mayo, cream, cheese, mustard sauce), dinner rolls; eaten at dinner table; I was starving because I forgot to eat a real snack

Calories - 1424
Carbs - 138 (31 fiber)
Protein - 97
Fat - 62
C/P/F Ratio - 36.9/26/37.1

Sunday, August 17, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Sunday

Weigh in day - 153.5, that's down 2.5 pounds since last week. I'm satisfied with that.

It's review day in terms of my binge eating. Looking back, I think I've had a pretty darn good week - no binges, no junk food. Some times I have eaten a tad bit more than I should have, but overall, it was a stellar week. I certainly had urges and I'm quite proud of myself for not giving in to them. Though today, I craved a banana split and I assured myself that I could have one, as long as I stuck to the serving size. Sure, I could stick to it, but then have another serving and another serving. So, I did not have a banana split.

I made meatball subs for my husband and son for dinner. It would have been a pretty high calorie/carb meal for me, but my numbers were still low (I hadn't even eaten 1000 calories yet). Instead of having it, I talked myself out of it, and fell into that "I need to really keep these numbers low" mentality that always gets me into trouble. Fortunately, I snapped out of it and ate something. I intended to eat more later, but my husband annoyed me and my son wouldn't go to sleep, so I just got ready for bed.

9:20 AM - bacon, onion, avocado, & tomato (BOAT, haha) (whole wheat roll) sandwich w/ mustard, coffee w/ Splenda & cream; eaten on couch; still hungry after eating

12:30 PM - chicken salad w/ acocado, salsa, & sour cream; eaten on couch

2:30 PM - diet Dr. Pepper, carrots; eaten on couch; I needed a snack before dinner

3:30 PM - melted mozzarella cheese w/ garlic & onion powder; I was really hungry but dinner still a few hours away

5:55 PM - meatballs & baby carrots; ate the meatballs standing at the stove and ate the carrots at my desk; I really wanted a meatball sub and almost took half of the one that was left for my husband, but didn't want to have to estimate any amounts for my tracker

Calories - 1243
Carbs - 65 (18 fiber)
Protein - 91
Fat - 65
C/P/F Ratio - 20.3/28.4/51.2

Saturday, August 16, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Saturday

Off to a late start this morning. I did the Break In B workout:

deadlifts 2x15x52 (up 5 pounds from last time)

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15x5
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x12

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x56 (up 6 pounds from last time)
reverse crunch 2x20xbw (still hate these)

It's another hungry day. I'm angry that I just can't sit down and eat something, that I have to weigh and measure and eat on a schedule. I resent my body very much today. No real cravings, just hungry.

8:50 AM - apple & cottage cheese w/ Splenda & cinnamon; eaten on couch before workout; not really hungry

11:20 AM - tilapia warmed in butter on whole wheat bread w/ mustard, ketchup & horseradish sauce; eaten on couch while watching tv; I was hungry and really couldn't wait another half hour for lunch

1:15 PM - tilapia warmed in butter w/ baby carrots, coffee w/ Splenda & cream; eaten on couch while watching tv; again, I couldn't go the 3 hours between meals

2:30 PM - walnuts & grapes; eaten on couch while watching tv; best snack I've had in a while but still hungry

4:15 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream

5:20 PM - roast & whole wheat pasta; eaten at dinner table; full, but I could eat more;

7:05 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream

Calories - 1744
Carbs - 153 (25 fiber)
Protein - 132
Fat - 82
C/P/F Ratio - 32.6/28.2/39.2

Friday, August 15, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Friday

I did the Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout this morning. I didn't want to, but I figured since I missed in Wednesday, I'd feel way too guilty if I skipped it. I felt much better afterward!

As I've been mentioning, I am so preoccupied with food this week. I eat, and as soon as I'm done, I'm counting down and planning my next meal. It's driving me crazy. I try to stay busy but it's hard to focus. It's aggravating - after a very satisfying dinner, I wanted to eat more within half hour. It's entirely psychological but I could have eaten a horse!

9:10 AM - apples & cottage cheese w/ cinnamon & Splenda; eaten on couch after cardio; I got a late start due some housekeeping that needed to be done immediately

12:10 PM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda, cauliflower, broccoli, & baked tilapia; eaten on couch while watching tv; this was very filling

2:05 PM - diet cola

3:30 PM - diet cola & walnuts; eaten at desk; I ate these slowly and I wasn't super hungry - I just wanted something because dinner was still a few hours away and I didn't want to be too hungry when dinner rolled around

6:15 PM - diet cola, stuffed peppers (green peppers, ground beef, onions, pepper jack cheese, enchilada sauce); eaten at table; very satisfying

Calories - 1438
Carbs - 82 (18 fiber)
Protein - 103
Fat - 86
C/P/F Ratio - 21.6/27.2/51.2

Thursday, August 14, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Thursday

Today was the NROL Break In A workout, same parameters as Saturday:

squats 2x15x27

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15x5
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x12

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

I don't like the Break In program. Those 15 reps suck. I sweat so much when I do them. I am really dreading the hypertrophy program, where the reps are 25. I'm so anxious to just get out of Break In!!! I should be doing it twice a week, according to the book, but I was determined to throw in an extra day. Only four more weeks to go!

My son and I walked to the store. I made the mistake of going when I was hungry, and it had been 3 hours since I last ate. Fortunately, I didn't buy anything to eat or drink. Yay! Still, I am preoccupied with thoughts of food.

7:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese; eaten on couch before workout

11:25 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream, turkey bacon, tomato, onion sandwich w/ & cheese (on whole wheat roll); eaten at desk; I'm still hungry after eating this

12:15 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream, pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten at desk; I was really hungry

1:40 PM - diet Dr. Pepper, boiled broccoli & cauliflower; eaten at desk while reading about exercise LOL; I'm just starving today

3:30 PM - red beans & chicken breast; eaten at desk; I was still hungry, even though I'd just eaten two hours prior - after this I am quite full

6:00 PM - leftover bacon & cheeseburger pie; eaten on couch; I'm still hungry even after eating that

Calories - 1696
Carbs - 143 (34 fiber)
Protein - 116
Fat - 78
C/P/F Ratio - 32.9/26.6/40.5

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Wednesday

No formal cardio today. I am taking my son, niece, and nephew out to the aquarium, then out to lunch today. When I get back, I will spend some time playing Wii Sports/Fit with my son. I need to be better about doing the good cardio. The Wii stuff doesn't really have the same effect for me.

Bah! I just noticed that the Splenda in the tracker was off - it wasn't registering any calories, and it does have calories when you are using more than one serving. I fixed that by making my own Splenda entry instead of using someone else's.

Ok, we ended up not going to the aquarium. It was raining and the place was packed with tourists. I didn't use the Wii, either. So, it's a lazy, high calorie day.

7:00 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream - I drank coffee at my desk for 2 hours

9:30 AM - turkey bacon, tomato, onion sandwich w/ & cheese (on whole wheat roll); eaten at desk; I was hungry but needed to delay my mean because I'll be out and about for a while before lunch; not satisfying at all, but that may just be because I'm anxious about going out with 3 kids in the pouring rain and lunch seems so far away

1:30 PM - red beans & chicken breast sauteed in butter; eaten at desk; annoyed because the kids are here but I'm glad I didn't get the salad at McDonald's - it would have been over 400 calories

3:30 PM - walnuts (plus I've been drinking diet cherry Pepsi all afternoon); eaten at desk; I've been craving walnuts all day and my husband brought some home for me; I'm sad to see how little 30 grams of walnuts really is

6:00 PM - bacon cheeseburger pie & green beans; eaten at table; this stuff is to die for, but I only ate half the amount I intended to eat!!!!!!! GO ME!!!!!

Calories - 1499
Carbs - 74 (19 fiber)
Protein -82
Fat - 100
C/P/F Ratio - 19.3/21.5/59.2

Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn (Pt 2)

Part 2 of Dr. Fairburn's book describes the steps one should take to deal with binge eating. He also provides blank forms for readers to copy and use, but I won't be putting them here because of copyright issues. You don't really need the form, anyway. I'm doing all my journaling right here in my blog. This is just a very general outline of the self-help section.

Step 1: Self-Monitoring & Weekly Weighing

Monitoring your food intake and related information will help you determine when a binge episode is likely to happen. Record:

the time you ate/drank

what you ate (not necessarily how much in terms of specific amounts - don't worry about writing down the calories), and include everything you put in your mouth (food and liquid), as soon as possible after eating/drinking

location - did you eat in the kitchen? sitting at your desk? the couch? table?

do you perceive the episode as excessive?

did you use laxatives or diuretics or vomit after eating?

relevant notes - record your feelings about the food/drink you just consumed, were you hungry? how did you feel?

As for weighing, pick a day and time each week and only weigh on that day. Many people with weight issues are compulsive weighers, often getting on the scale several times a day. STOP!!!

I've been doing this, for the most part. I usually track all my food, but I've started adding the other information as suggested. And I only weigh once a week anyway, so this was no big deal.

Step 2: Establish a regular eating pattern and stop using laxatives/diuretics/purging

Eat 5-6 times a day - 3 regular meals and 2-3 snacks. Try not to go more than 4 hours without eating, to keep yourself from getting too hungry. Don't skip meals and try to plan as best you can. If you're not used to eating frequently or are a regular meal-skipper, start by eating a meal you would normally miss. Every few days, add in a snack/meal until you're consistently eating 5-6 times a day.

I already do this, and have done this since I started Body For Life last year. Even when I'm off the wagon, I eat every 3-4 hours, except when I'm eating constantly. Sometimes I miss a meal or really delay one, usually when I'm upset, so this is something I can work on. Laxative and diuretics and vomiting don't apply to me.

Step 3: Find alternatives to binge eating

Actually make a list of activities you can do instead of binge. I haven't done this yet. I'll do it right now:

exercise (nothing strenuous because I have my regular exercise - probably the Wii or go for a walk)
read a book
clean my house
practice my violin/keyboard
play games with my son

The key is to find something that will take up time and make it difficult for you to eat.

Step 4: Practice problem-solving and review your progress

There are 6 steps to efficient problem solving:
Identify the problem
Specify the problem accurately
Consider as many solutions as you can
Consider the implications of each solution
Pick a solution or combo
Act on the solution

I suck at problem solving, so this is going to be a challenge for me. Usually by the time I'd get to the implications stage, I'm already stuffing my face.

Step 5: Tackling dieting and other forms of avoidance

Sadly, Dr. Fairburn suggests we may have to actually stop dieting and get the binge eating under control. If you remember from part one, there are the various pathways to binge eating and dieting is seen as a big stepping stone. He doesn't go into details of the studies he's done, but I really have to wonder how many subjects were significantly overweight and obese. Just "learning to live with" our current, overweight selves IS NOT AN OPTION for me, and he does suggest that some of us might have to do that. I would love to see some studies that deal with overweight binge eaters (who don't purge).

Regarding the avoidance of certain types of food, Dr. Fairburn suggests introducing them back into your diet, in limited quantities. I have issues with this because I try to avoid junk food, and I don't find any reason to introduce those into my diet because they have no nutritional benefit at all. I can understand introducing other foods that are commonly avoided, say nuts for example. People avoid nuts because they are high in fat, but some fat - expecially the right kind - is good for you. But really, what's the benefit of eating sugar and trans fats? I do understand learning moderation, and I guess that's his point. Even healthy version of my "bad" foods are something I try to avoid. So I suppose this is where this step applies to me.

Step 6: Preventing a relapse and dealing with other problems

Ah, the main test of this whole thing. Can we stop binge eating long term? Here, we have to have realistic expectations. I know I cannot say I will never binge again. That would be absurd! I probably will, and all I can do is keep going through the steps. Hopefully, though, going through them the first time, especially with the monitoring and problem solving steps, will help me learn when I'm likely to binge and how to better deal with it.

So how do you go through the steps? With each step, review every few days and write a weekly summary. Start with Step 1, obviously. After a couple weeks, if you feel you're doing well, move on to Step 2. After a couple weeks, move on. The time frame in the book is about 6 months for all the steps, but it really depends on what you're already doing. I know you're supposed to go step-by-step, but I was already doing half of these steps anyway, that I am trying to start off with Steps 1-3 right now. I'll reassess things in a week or two, and go from there.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn (Pt 1)

I finally finished the book this weekend. I really wish I'd been taking notes as I went along, so I don't have to go back and look stuff up to post about. I'm not that good with explanation and synthesis, and my thoughts tend to be scattered. Plus, I kept getting confused while reading because he was alternating between discussion of bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder. I am definitely not bulimic, but I found it interesting that he never used that particular term after introducing the concept. I guess it's not politically correct to say someone is bulimic anymore. Instead, they suffer from bulimia nervosa. Same with anorexia. Not PC!

Anyway, as I started the book - especially as I started it - a lot of things hit home. I felt like I'd found the right path when he characterized binge eating:
An episode of binge-eating is characterized by both of the following: (1) eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any two hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time and under similar circumstances, and, (2) a sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating).

The loss of control is the central point of binge eating and reading that in black and white sort of knocked the wind out of me. I kept thinking back to the M&M incident last month and that was truly when I realized I had a problem that was bigger than just lack of will power. It scared me to realize that I, a control freak by nature, was not in control anymore. But at the same time, it opened my eyes to the problem and set me on a path of learning how to deal with it. And even on my own, I've been doing well - I haven't had a binge since. It hasn't been a month yet, so it's no major accomplishment, but it is a start.

But more on the book.

Dr. Fairburn offers the characteristics of a binge:

Feelings - short lived pleasure and enjoyment quickly becomes guilt and disgust. Yeah, I know that feeling well! As I shoveled the candy into my mouth, I loved it for all of 30 seconds, then cried as I continued to eat them.

Speed of eating - rapid. Oh yes, I can inhale a dozen donuts in no time flat.

Agitation - usually eat while pacing or wandering, almost desperately. Yeah, there's a definite route around the kitchen I take.

Feeling of altered consciousness - trance-like, automatic eating, like it's not really you eating; using music or tv or other distraction while eating. I do experience this some of the time. Not so much the trance-like state, but I definitely feel like I'm outside of my own body.

Secretiveness - hiding while you eat, hiding any evidence. YES, this is absolutely me! I'd buy candy bars at the store down the road and eat at least 2 on the 3 minute drive back. Any candy wrappers would be buried in the garbage.

Loss of control - feeling like you can't stop. Yes, a million times. Even though I know I should stop, I can't. And the feeling of failure just makes me feel worse, as in "I've already screwed up, I might as well keep that up."

Types of binges:

Fill-blown binge - usually quick, no enjoyment, you eat in one place until you just can't eat anymore
Half-binge - usually late at night and as a reaction to something stressful
Slow-motion binge - you can tell these are coming on, and you try to resist them for a while; you give in and feel a release of tension and stress. This is me. I can tell, 99% of the time, when I'm going to binge. I'll want something, say no repeatedly, and eventually eat it anyway.

Triggers of binges:

feeling fat
gaining weight
dieting and hunger*
breaking a dietary rule*
unstructured time*
being alone
premenstrual tension
drinking alcohol

* These are me. If I'm bored, I have a harder time resisting a binge. It usually also happens after I've been on plan for while. Then, when I fall off the wagon, I stay there for a while.

Types of dieting:

Avoiding eating - I don't generally do this.
Restricting overall amount eaten - I used to do this quite often, and when I get into "competition" type weight loss settings, I tend to drift this way. So, I now avoid those groups.
Avoiding certain types of food - Back when I did Atkins, I avoided carbs, obviously. Now, I am more free with the amount of carbs I eat. I try to avoid junk food, even the sugar free or fat free "healthy" kind because I have no portion control. And of course, when I finally snap, that's it! I pig out on everything I've been trying not to eat.

Personality characteristics of a binge eater:

low self-esteem*
all-or-nothing thinking*
borderline personality disorder

* Again, these are me, for sure. The others, I hesitate to claim. I'm impulsive, but only about food. Impulsivity, in the book, includes other activities, such as drinking, shopping, etc. I've had low self-esteem for ever, and being overweight just makes it worse. And I'm somewhat of a perfectionist - I do get upset if things aren't exactly right (though I am getting a lot better about that since having a kid). All-or-nothing is DEFINITELY me!!! I don't like to do things halfway and if I have to, I get extremely upset. So I can see how this all relates to my binges.

Pathways to obesity and binge eating - Dr. Fairburn suggests there's a very complex relationship between the two and which causes the other is really unclear:

Binge eating --------> Obesity


Obesity -------->Dieting -------->Binge Eating


Obesity -------->Dieting -------->Binge Eating -------->Obesity

I really can't remember how I got fat. I was normal weight in high school. Oh, yes, I remember now. It was the Freshman 15 and the Depo-Provera shot. I gained quite a bit in college, but wasn't obese. In 1997, I enlisted in the Army, and my weight was 142, or thereabouts. When I went to leave for basic training, I found out I was pregnant, and that resulted in a miscarriage (or blighted ovum - a peanut shell with no peanut, is how they explained it to me). After that, life was pretty crappy and I coped by eating. I ate my way to 164 pounds or so before going on Atkins in 2003. I got down to 116 in about 7 months, then got pregnant. I used my pregnancy as an excuse to eat total crap. I weighed 175 when I went in to have my son, and 155 at 6 weeks post-partum. Then, somehow, I managed to jump back up to 195 in less than a year, and I hovered between there and 180 until 2007. At 191, I'd had enough. I low carbed (but not Atkins) until I got down to about 150, then did Body For Life, and got as low as 143. Then I fell off again at the beginning of this summer, and here I am, weighing more than I did a year ago - though only by a couple pounds. So I'd have to say I follow the last pathway to binge eating.

Is binge eating an addition, like alcoholism or drugs?

This section of the book confused the heck out of me, mainly because I don't understand the addiction model and treatment plans that go along with alcoholism and drugs. Dr. Fairburn suggests the following similarities, but labels them superficial:

Having cravings or urges to engage in the behavior
Feels a loss of control over the behavior
Is preoccupied with thoughts about the behavior
Might use the behavior to relieve tension and negative feelings
Denies the severity of the problem
Persists in the behavior despite its adverse effects
Often makes repeated unsuccessful attempts to stop

Yes, yes, yes, absolutely yes! But no - says Dr. Fairburn. There are two big differences between "regular" substance abusers and binge eaters:

The inherent drive to avoid the behavior. Dr. Fairburn uses a bulimic to suggest that this is different from alcohol or drug abuse. Bulimics avoid food, whereas drunks and druggies (my terms, not his) don't avoid alcohol or drugs (unless they are in treatment, of course).

Fear of engaging in the behavior. Bulimics are afraid of the consequences of eating, and D&Ds tend not to be. I don't have much experience with D&Ds, so I really don't know how true this is.

Regardless, I find these two statements to be unfairly dismissive of binge eating specifically because he uses bulimia as the disorder. I am most definitely not bulimic, and I don't purge through vomiting, laxatives, or diuretics. I also don't avoid food - I try to avoid the things that trigger my binges though. I'm certainly not afraid to eat - I am afraid of the trigger foods. But my trigger foods are mainly unhealthy, so what's so wrong with avoiding them? Except for Cheerios. Those are pretty healthy, but I know darn well they trigger a binge. I can't eat just one bowl, and after 3 or 4, there's just no sense in eating normally.

Overall, I'm not sure what to think about the first part of this book, the theory and facts about binge eating. There was so much bulimia discussion that I got confused at times. While I felt like a lot of things were relevant to me, others were not. At the recommendation of someone who has been there, I've ordered Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating by Joyce Nash. I hope that will shed some additional insight on the problem.

Of course, Dr. Fairburn devotes the second half of the book to self-help, and I'll review that later this week. I've already started applying the steps, but a lot of them were things I've already been doing, so I sort of feel like I'm in limbo. But more on that later.

NROL - Week 2 - Tuesday

My thumb complicated things a bit with weight lifting today. I am sure my form suffered, and I bled quite a bit. I did the Break In B workout:

deadlifts 2x15x47 (up 4 pounds from last time)

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15xbw (I used my regular step apparatus, instead of the short one I used last week)
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x12 (up 2 pounds from last time)

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x50 (up 10 pounds from last time)
reverse crunch 2x20xbw (I hate these, for the record)

6:45 AM - cottage cheese & cantaloupe; eaten on the couch; I was pretty hungry, but this was a satisfying pre-workout meal

8:35 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream, pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten on couch; I really tried to savor the muffin, and it was really good, though I wanted another

10:45 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream; at desk; We just got back from our playdate and I'm hungry, but trying to wait another hour before lunch

11:30 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream, sweet potato, chicken breast; eaten at table; stuffed - I really need to cut back on portion sizes

12:30 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream

2:45 PM - turkey bacon, tomato, onion sandwich w/ mustard (on whole wheat roll) & diet cola; eaten at desk while surfing Internet; I've been preoccupied with food for the last 3 hours; I am very sorry that it's gone

4:00 PM, 5:15 PM, 6:00 PM, - diet cola; I really don't think the pop is triggering my binges, but whatever

7:00 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & cream, shrimp & broccoli w/ homemade curry sauce; eaten at table with family; I was starving because I waited so long for my husband to get home and peel the shrimp

9:30 PM - diet cola, mozzarella string cheese, sunflower seeds; eaten while watching television

Calories - 1644
Carbs - 171 (27 fiber)
Protein - 45
Fat - 49
C/P/F Ratio - 40.2/34.1/25.7

Monday, August 11, 2008

NROL - Week 2 - Monday

I know I said I was going to do some Tae Bo for cardio today, but I didn't. I did the Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout. We got up late and my son wanted to use the Wii Fit, and I just didn't feel like arguing with a 4 year old. We're having enough battles with bedtime routines due to school starting in 2 weeks, so I'm just picking mine wisely now. I did manage to get about 20 minutes of Wii Sports in. Nothing too exhausting. Ok, nothing remotely resembling exercise, really.

There's some ice cream in the house, and I'm completely uninterested, but there's a recipe for pumpkin carrot muffins from SparkPeople that is absolutely wonderful, and I'm thinking of making them. I'll be honest - if I make them, I will eat too many. I already know it. They are that good. They aren't particularly unhealthy, but as a lower carb person, the carbohydrate content is kind of scary. And that's absurd because in the end, I ultimately believe it's a matter of calories. Oh, and another problem I have is my can of pumpkin is 15 ounces, and I only need half a cup. I have no use for pumpkin, other than pie and muffins. So I'd have to make a second batch later this week.

Ok, I made the muffins. I sliced off part of the bad of my thumb while grating carrots. I was cleaning the food processor blade and wasn't paying attention. It hurts a lot, and if I don't eat 5 of those muffins myself (have to give one to my son), it will be a miracle.

I finished the book Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr. Christopher Fairburn (which I will blog about separately before the week is over). I'm going to start tracking my food as suggeted in the book, so the format for my blog is going to be a bit different. I'm going to add in times and feelings/circumstances. This is supposed to be private, but I really don't feel like messing with a million different journals, you know? I could keep it all private and stop blogging entirely, but what fun would that be?

Oh, and for the record, I drink 80 ounces of plain water every day (usually not on Sundays, though), but I don't write it down.

7:50 AM - cantaloupe & cottage cheese, eaten on the couch; was really hungry, though I hadn't been hungry at all 20 minutes prior

9:50 AM - coffee w/ splenda & light cream; kind of hungry since eating earlier but I worked out, took a shower, and cleaned to keep myself distracted

11:30 AM - coffee w/ Splenda & light cream, grilled cheese & egg sandwich (don't laugh - this was really good: sliced up hard boiled eggs, American cheese, mozzarella cheese with a dash of garlic powder on double fiber bread - I will be having this again!!!); eaten on the couch; I think I ate it too fast, even though I tried to slow down; I was disappointed when it was gone, but since it was so high fat, I didn't think eating something else would have been a good idea. Looking back, some fresh vegetables might have been a good option.

2:45 PM - turkey bacon, tomato, onion sandwich w/ mustard (on whole wheat roll); eaten at desk while surfing Internet; not really bored - just wanted my snack while I caught up on some reading. This was so fantastic I am having another tomorrow to use up the rest of the tomato!

4:15 PM - diet cherry Pepsi; I just sliced off part of my thumb so I'm really upset.

4:55 PM - coffee w/ Splenda & light cream, pumpkin carrot muffin; eaten at desk; I feel like I deserve it. But I also feel guilty for trying to justify eating the stupid muffin.

6:30 PM - diet cherry Pepsi, roasted chicken breast (plus a little skin - the chicken's, not mine - we never found the chunk of my thumb though) & broccoli; eaten and dining table with family; very full but I want more.

Calories - 1508
Carbs - 132 (27 fiber)
Protein - 120
Fat - 65
C/P/F Ratio - 33.2/30/36.9

Sunday, August 10, 2008

NROL - Week 1 - Sunday

Weigh in day. 156. I'm a bit disappointed that it wasn't more, but heck, 2 pounds is perfectly normal and healthy. I don't know why I'm upset about it. I saw the number and thought, "That's it?" But it was a weird week for me - I'm sure I'm retaining water from the new routine and I didn't do as much cardio as I should have and I had a couple higher calorie days. No! My calories have been fine! I need to stop thinking that I need to go super low with the calories! That's how I get into trouble!

I'm making slow progress with the binge eating book. I should have taken notes as I've read. Now I'll need to go back and read Part I again and make notes to blog about. There have been some really interesting point and aha! moments, but I don't have the ability to remember it all and synthesize it at a later time. I have to make notes and write as I go, then piece it all together. But really, it's been interesting.

Last night, I had a dream that I ate something I shouldn't have, and in my dream, I was really stressed and trying not to binge. I overate the bad thing (2 servings of it) but did not binge in my dream. I woke up hungry and anxious. It took a lot of control to make my normal breakfast.

I had a big test of will power today. Normally, when I go to Walgreens, I buy candy bars and eat them on the way home. Today, I had to run up for barbecue sauce for my husband, and I just knew I was going to blow it. Imagine my surprise when I left there with only a few bottles of diet root beer. And the sauce, of course!

Oh, grrrr! I just noticed that the nutritional information for the Nature's Own Double Fiber Wheat bread has changed since I first entered all the information into my nutrition tracker!!! I have no idea how long I've been under on my counts! It's not by a lot, but still!!

I reviewed 2 workout dvds today - Billy Blanks Tae Bo Cardio Circuit 1 & 2. Both look like great fun! I might try #1 tomorrow, instead of Turbo Jam. I've never done a tae bo video before.

b - scrambled eggs w/ chipotle sauce, coffee w/ cream, toast w/ butter
l - chicken salad
d - grilled cheese, onion & tuna sandwiches (on whole wheat buns) + a bite of my husband's pork ribs (I didn't log this)
snack - yogurt

Calories - 1531
Carbs - 131 (30 fiber)
Protein - 131
Fat - 60
C/P/F Ratio - 33/33/34

Saturday, August 9, 2008

South Beach Living Tide Me Over Packets

These things are fantastic!!! I'm a big believer in drinking just plain water, but once in a while, I really, really need a little something extra. These are perfect! I use one packet with 32 ounces of water (should be used with 16 ounces) and they add just enough flavor. The stats (for the strawberry banana, but I think the others are close, if not the same):

30 calories
0 g fat
6 g carbs (5 g fiber)
3 g protein

I only buy them when they are on sale. There are only 7 packets in a box, and Food Lion has them for 2/$5 on sale. Have a coupon you want to get rid of? Let me know!

NROL - Week 1 - Saturday

My elliptical is making that crazy clacking sound again! What a piece of crap. If we have to fix it one more time, I'm getting rid of it. I would love to buy a treadmill, but I have neither the money nor the space for one, especially after buying the Wii and the Fit (which really isn't good for HIIT). So, now I need to figure out how I'm going to do HIIT cardio without a machine. I could jump rope, but then I'd have to go outside. It's August here, dude. HOT AS HELL 24/7. I don't really want to do bodyweight exercises (such as squats or burpees) for HIIT because my legs desperately need a break after weight lifting. I don't know. I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll just not do HIIT like I planned and do the Turbo Jam intervals on the Fat Blaster DVD, then follow up with a tabata. I don't know. I also have a bunch of Billy Blanks tae bo I could use. I guess I won't be suffering for lack of cardio.

I've been craving food all day. Not necessarily bad for me foods, but beans. I had some with dinner, and I want more. I'm not hungry. I'm just bored, and too tired to actually do anything. I've been bored all day. Well, I was semi-productive, but I had the day to myself. I really want more beans, though. I'm already up there on my calories for the day. I could probably eat more. I'm worried that if I don't eat something, I'll binge. Crap. I need to hurry up and finish the book.

Ok, the issue has passed. Though, I've filled up on Diet Cherry Pepsi. I'm tired and will be going to bed soon. I feel safe.

Today was the NROL Break In A workout:

squats 2x15x27

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15x5 (up 5 pounds [ten, if you count that I was using a pair of 5 pounders] from Tuesday)
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x12 (up 2 pounds from Tueday)

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

I think I need to back off the squat weight and work on my form. Since starting back up, my squat form has sucked. I don't know if my legs are just still shaky from Tuesday or what, but if I recall, Tuesday's form was less than stellar. So, maybe next week I'll just use the bar. Or, I'll do some practice sets tomorrow or Monday.

b - egg salad w/ light mayo & mustard on whole wheat toast
l - chicken salad (w/ sour cream, salsa, hard boiled egg, pepper jack cheese)
d - "chili" (red beans, onion, garlic, chicken breast)
snack - apple, cottage cheese
snack - cauliflower & broccoli w/ ranch dressing

Calories - 1622
Carbs - 119 (35 fiber)
Protein - 143
Fat - 76
C/P/F Ratio - 27.5/33.1/39.4

Friday, August 8, 2008

NROL - Week 1 - Friday

No Turbo Jam today. My son wanted to spend the day on the Wii, so that's where I got my exercise. We played Wii Sports (tennis, mostly) and did a lot on the Wii Fit (over an hour). It's not as intense as my normal exercise, but my son loves it and keeps him active. I don't think I'll make this substitution often. I feel horribly guilty for not doing "real" exercise today. Of course, not guilty enough to do it now.

b - cottage cheese, apple, coffee w/ cream
l - breakfast burrito w/ turkey bacon, scrambled eggs, cheese, onion, green pepper
d - steak salad (steaks, iceberg lettuce, onion, green pepper, hard boiled egg, pepper jack cheese, tomato)
snack - air popped popcorn

Calories - 1788
Carbs - 111 (20 fiber)
Protein - 147
Fat - 87
C/P/F Ratio - 24.6/32.4/43

Thursday, August 7, 2008

NROL - Week 1 - Thursday

I am in agony today! My quads are still killing me and my workout really suffered. I used a short step for a step-up riser instead of my usual stepper thingy, which is not a stepper, but a wooden chair my father made long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away. My deadlifts, in particular, were of poor form. Aside from the ache in my legs, I've never really done a conventional deadlift. I just can't see how it's hamstring dominant at all, when I'm basically reverse sqatting with the barbell. So, today was Break In B workout:

deadlifts 2x15x43

[superset w/ full rest]:
step-up 2x15xbw
db 1 arm shoulder press 2x15x10

[superset w/ full rest]:
close-grip lat pull 2x15x40 (really easy, but I was too tired/lazy to add more weight)
reverse crunch 2x20xbw

Food is still going well. I'm dying for junk food, though. I'm reading through the binge eating book, and that's helping. I'll post about that sometime. I want to finish the book and make sure I understand it all. It' eye-opener, for sure.

b - apple & cottage cheese
l - scrambled eggs w/ chipotle sauce, turkey bacon, toast w/butter, iced coffee w/ cream and milk
d - nothing, because my stupid husband couldn't come home at a decent time and I was too mad to bother cooking (yes, I need to work on this)
snack - mozzarella quesadilla

Calories - 1194
Carbs - 69 (14 fiber)
Protein - 92
Fat - 65
C/P/F Ratio - 22.5/29.8/47.8

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

NROL - Week 1 - Wednesday

My legs are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew they'd be sore. It took everything in me to roll out of bed this morning. It mostly hurts when I'm sitting down or standing up (the motion itself, not the final act). I did not want to do my cardio today. But I did. Turbo Jam, 20 Minute Workout. I also played on the Wii a bit today. I bowled with my son (not all that intense), then played a little baseball. I get a little out of breath with that, but nothing significant. I also logged 11 minutes of Wii Fit time. I hate the body test. I never test at the same time every day, or under the same conditions. I did my test today after lunch and fluids. I am up a pound and a half since my first test 17 days ago, or whatever it was. I am going to have to stick to my Tanita scale for official numbers, I think.

b - scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, chipotle sauce, coffee w/ cream
l - tuna patties w/ flax meal on whole wheat roll, tea, iced coffee w/ milk & cream
d - baked chicken drumsticks, broccoli
snack - cauliflower & broccoli w/ sour cream & chipotle dip

Calories - 1638
Carbs - 79 (23 fiber)
Protein - 141
Fat - 84
C/P/F Ratio - 19.3/34.6/46.1

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

NROL - Week 1 - Tuesday

I started the New Rules of Lifting Break In program today. I'm alternating the two workouts, 3 times a week for the next six weeks. I actually followed the plan and did my light cardio to warm up my whole body (just 5 minutes on the elliptical) then did some dynamic stretching, as described in the book. Then I actually did warm up sets before my working sets! Ha! I've never done so much prep. I wasn't sure what weights to start with, because I'm used to a lower rep range. Here's what I ended up doing, the Break In A workout:

squats 2x15x27

[superset w/ full rest]:
static lunge 2x15xbw
2 pt db row w/ elbows out 2x15x10

[superset w/ full rest]:
push up on knees 2x15xbw
crunch on Swiss ball 2x20xbw

I'll probably start out higher next time. My quads, especially my left, are messed up!!! I could barely walk after I finished the lunges. I'm glad I decided to hold off on the HIIT/Metabolic Overdrive until next week. I know I'll have DOMS in the morning. I'm kind of looking forward to it. The dumbbell rows were interesting. I've never done them that way before. I liked it. I was really sweating by the time I finished the workout. That 60 seconds of rest goes by quickly. I'm used to 90-120 seconds.

b - cottage cheese, apple
l - coffee w/ cream, scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, toast
d - fajitas (cubed steak, low carb/fat tortilla, green pepper, onion, salsa, sour cream, cheese)
snack - yogurt

Calories - 1589
Carbs - 121 (28 fiber)
Protein - 134
Fat - 72
C/P/F Ratio - 29.1/32.2/38.7