Change of Plans

You're shocked, I know! It's my MO to come up with grand plans and flake after a week or two. NROL was irritating me and I just was not enjoying it. I kept thinking back to everything I've done and the workout I keep coming back to is Built's Baby Got Back routine. Unfortunately, her web site isn't up anymore but there is an excellent summary here. The rep ranges are perfect for me and my inability to focus on anything for very long. I have commitment issues. I knew there was no way I could stick with New Rules of Lifting for four years.

My spreadsheet for my FML Challenge

Workout A (Saturdays)

rack pull 5x5
bent over row 3x8
barbell bench press 5x5
incline dumbbell press 3x8
core work (Shaun T has an amazing 5 minute ab workout here)

Workout B (Sundays)

squat 5x5
lunge 3x8
single leg RDL 3x8
hammer curl 3x8
box jump 5-10 minutes

Workout C (Tuesdays)

assisted chin up 5x5
barbell pull over 3x8
dumbbell shoulder press 5x5
front & lateral raise 3x8
core work (I really like the standing portion of Turbo Jam Ab Jam)

Workout D (Thursdays)

Romanian deadlift 5x5
good morning 3x8
sumo squat 3x8
skullcrusher 3x8
burpees 5-10 minutes (or pyramid scheme)

On Mondays and Wednesdays, my son and I are going for walks. The goal is to start off with a mile and build up to three miles by the end of the year. Maybe next year, we can do a few 5K walks for bling together. Fridays will be Turbo Jam day. The first month, I will do shorter workouts (like Cardio Party Remix or Fat Blaster), and in the second month, I'll do Cardio Party 2. Then finally, in the third month, I will reunite with my love, Cardio Party 3.

Starting October 1, I will have 13 weeks to get into a decent routine. On December 31, I will decide what I want to kick of 2017 with. I may just continue with this, hopefully progressing with the weights. Ideally, I would like to just lift 3 days a week so I have more time for Turbo and Shaun T.

As far as food, HIIK. I can't give up my coffee shit. Nope, just can't do it. And I want sweet potatoes and rice and eggs and chicken and avocados and vegetables and cottage cheese. As I learned during this last sad attempt, logging food makes be obsessive and guilty, and I have enough guilt and obsession in my life.

NROL - Original: Week 2 - Break In A (WO3)

Monday kind of sucked. I knew I wasn't going to do my cardio. Food wasn't that great, either:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
cheese & crackers
salad w/ chicken breast & Italian dressing
banana & turkey pepperoni - I can't believe I was still hungry after eating 8 ounces of chicken and a giant salad

Numbers:

Carbs - 136 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 52 g
Protein - 78 g
Total Calories - 1333
C/F/P % - 41/35/24

Not good at all.

So, Tuesday was lifting. Bah.

NROL Break In A, Workout 2:

squat - 2x15xbodyweight
static lunge - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell two point row w/ elbows out - 2x15x10 lbs
push ups - 2x15 on my knees
Swiss ball crunch - 2x20

I really, really, really need to work on my push ups. These were pitiful.

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer - Normal person amounts today - just one cup
salad w/ chicken breast, cheese & Caesar dressing
apple & cottage cheese

Numbers:

Carbs - 63 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 46 g
Protein - 64 g
Total Calories - 1078
C/F/P % - 27/45/28

NROL - Original: Week 2 - Break In B (WO2)

I should have spent the day prepping food and shit for the week. Instead, I spent it dicking around with Scrivener and contemplating taking a free writing course in October. I'm supposed to spend November adapting my friend's novel into a script, for National Novel Writing Month, but I have a lot of story ideas I would like to actually get out of my head. I worked out first, though.

NROL Break In B, Workout 2:

deadlift (conventional) - 2x15x45 lbs
step up (12" step) - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell one-arm shoulder press - 2x15x10 lbs
lying dumbbell row - 2x15x10 lbs
reverse crunch - 2x15

I really, really need to find a sub for the step ups. I fucking hate them. HATE THEM. Especially high rep. I hate high rep in general. After Break In, the Fat Loss phase of NROL is all high rep. Like up to 20 reps in some cases. Even Hypertrophy will suck sometimes, with 15 and 25 reps. GAH! I just looked. Even the Strength phase has some 15 rep days. Now I am wishing I hadn't been so "I am going to do every NROL program one after the other until I've completed them all!!!!!" Damn it. I would much rather do a high weight, low rep push/pull workout. The later NROL books are better than the original in that regard, but this fucking original plan (all the workouts combined), takes an eternity. I've mentioned before that I won't finish until CHRISTMAS EVE OF NEXT YEAR! That's assuming I stick with it, of course, and don't have anything to prevent me from actually exercising.

Of course, I'm not doing the original book as the authors intended. You're actually supposed to choose a few variations that don't include every workout, but I'm stupid.

I'm a little nervous about being back to work AND getting my workouts in. I purposely scheduled my lifting on the days I go in late, so I would have plenty of time to do it in the morning. Ugh. I just don't want to do anything at all.

I have a terrible relationship with food. When I'm not trying to eat well, I feel no real guilt about what I eat. When I'm trying to eat well, I feel guilty about every bite I take. It's fucked up. I skimmed by blog back when I was doing Insanity, and it looks like I was doing Weight Watchers at that time. I can't remember which version of the program it was - I think it was PointsPlus. I don't really want to do it again because I don't like low fat foods. Yes, I know I can eat full fat stuff and blow through my daily points. I already get the minimum number of points as it is because I'm not that fat. Exercise points - I really don't trust those. Plus, if I do WW, I will likely load up on carbs, when I am trying to get way from overly processed carbohydrates. I don't know what to do. Story of my life. For shits & giggles, I calculated what my WW points would be for each meal today.

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer [5 P+] - I tried the coconut milk and promptly poured everything down the sink.
eggs w/ salsa [8 P+]
apple & cottage cheese [6 P+]
cheesy Mexican potatoes skillet & corn [17 P+] - This is from Get In The Kitchen, Bitches. I added ground beef. I would have preferred to use ground turkey but some people here have an aversion to ground turkey. Fuckers.

That brings me to 36 P+ for the day. My target is 26. And let's say I get 1 point for exercise. That leaves me taking 8 points from my Weekly Points, leaving me with 40 for the rest of the week.

Numbers:

Carbs - 92 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 69 g
Protein - 83 g
Total Calories - 1313
C/F/P % - 28/47/25

Like everything else in life, I overthink this shit.

Rest Day - If Whining Burned Calories

It seems like I haven't done much to deserve a rest day. It was my first day back to work after being off all week. This was the first time I've taken time off so I didn't know what I would be walking into. It wasn't as bad as I expected but I was already physically and mentally exhausted from the week I had. I really do not like taking time off.

I got off work and went grocery shopping. I really wish I'd had time to plan out what we would be having this week. It's so hard to do on the fly. I did find some coconut milk that I am going to try in my coffee instead of the creamer. My creamer is killing my calorie and carb counts.

In trying to get my son to eat better, I'm switching him to whole wheat everything, and I will attempt to make snacky food from scratch. I found an interesting 3 ingredient peanut butter cup recipe to try. It's just bananas, peanut butter, and coconut oil. He has been doing really well with controlling his intake the last few days. I didn't buy any pizza or pre-made microwaveable crap for him. I meant to buy a big bag of frozen fruit so he can make his Shakeology smoothies but I forgot. I hate Shakeology but he loves it. I'm okay with that as a treat.

So no workout today. I also didn't have anything to eat until dinner time. I had my usual coffee to sustain me all day. I didn't dig into the candy I keep on my desk at work. I didn't go to the vending machine.

I feel like everything is just out of control and I'm trying desperately to get it together. I don't know what to do to help my son get healthy. I mean I know what to do, but execution is hard. I don't know why I feel like I don't have time for anything. I work a 40-hour week and my commute is short. I don't like my schedule, having some early days and some late days. I love working Saturdays. It's a shorter day and usually fairly calm. Monday - Thursday really suck though. Every other Friday sucks when I have to spend 4+ hours in the car, taking my son to his dad. Every other Sunday sucks when I have to go get him. I need to get my son more active, but it's been so fucking hot, and we both hate the heat and the sun. I told him that once it cools down, we are going to start taking walks in evenings on my early days. I will still have to fit my regularly scheduled cardio into those evenings. There's dinner and housework and homework to be done. I realize that all parents have this issue. I know I'm not alone but some days it seems like I'm so overwhelmed I can't stand it.

Anyway, food for today:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
salad w/ peppers, turkey pepperoni, sunflower seeds, chow mein noodles, shredded cheese & Italian dressing

My numbers:

Carbs - 96 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 65 g
Protein - 38 g
Total Calories - 1378
C/F/P % - 34/52/14

NROL - Original: Week 1 - Break In A (WO2)

I have three days worth of posts here, so bear with me. It's been hectic and I'm still trying to hold myself accountable.

No workout Wednesday, for a number of reasons. First, I have a cyst on my inner thigh that is making movement difficult. I was also pretty much glued to my phone waiting for the hospital to call with my son's surgery information. I spent the day sitting with a hot compress between my legs and the phone in my hand. The cyst finally ruptured and drained a little. Gross, gross, gross.

I tried to be good about food. I also updated my macros because the carb goal I had is unrealistic at this point. I'm now going for 20% carbs, 45% fat and 35% protein. I think that's a better goal for me right now. I'm sure I will tweak it along the way but I definitely want to keep my carb intake no higher than 25%. And of course, choose better carbohydrate sources. More vegetables!

I'm kind of proud of everyone in my house. My son has requested that I make a whole chicken every week so he can make a variety of salads and wraps. He asked about the healthiest wrap options. He made an effort to eat vegetables. My roommate sent me a text telling me what he had for lunch, and it was way better than his usual. I know two days doesn't really mean anything but I'm hopeful.

Wednesday, I had:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer - of course
scrambled egg & sausage w/ cheese & salsa on a light Italian Flat Out wrap - My favorite!
Parmesan crusted pork chops & broccoli w/ olive oil

My numbers:

Carbs - 82 g
Fiber - 15 g
Fat -  78 g
Protein - 81 g
Total Calories - 1378
C/F/P % - 24/52/24

Thursday, I did my workout. It sucked.

NROL Break In A, Workout 2:

squat - 2x15xbodyweight
static lunge - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell two point row w/ elbows out - 2x15x10 lbs
push ups - 2x15 on my knees
Swiss ball crunch - 2x20

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
banana
apple & cottage cheese
scrambled eggs w/ cheese, salsa & sausage

My numbers:

Carbs - 132 g
Fiber - 6 g
Fat -  76 g
Protein - 11 g
Total Calories - 1467
C/F/P % - 36/47/17

Friday was shitty. I was at the hospital most of the day while my son had surgery. I logged everything I ate until I said, "Fuck it!" But here is what I had:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
banana
whole wheat crackers & cheese
2 bags of peanut M&Ms
four hamburger sized potato buns, two of them with peanut butter and chocolate spread - This is the Fuck It point.

All in all, shitty second half of the week.

NROL - Original: Week 1 - Break In B (WO1)

I can sort of tell I worked out the other day. My quads have been a tad sore. Then my whole body just hurt.

Yesterday, I went grocery shopping. I struggled looking at my coffee addition choices. A small bottle of sugar free Torani French vanilla syrup was about $4 and it would last me three days, tops. I may just have to suck it up with my coffee creamer, maybe try to cut back a little each week. I don't even know how much I'm consuming, to be honest. I don't usually measure it out. I did the other day, just to see, and half a cup in my 30 oz coffee mug was ok. But I usually have another quarter cup in my smaller mug. Yes, I have two mugs that I take to work. I drink a lot of coffee at work. I drink much less when I am home.

I also bought a food scale and damn it, I will use it. Instead of buying convenience meals, like frozen lasagna and bags of one pot dinner entrees, I bought real meat. I have chicken and pork chops and ground beef. I would love to do ground turkey but I would have a mutiny on my hands. I didn't buy the usual snack foods for my son, either. I did buy him crappy yogurt with M&Ms and stuff though. Baby steps for everyone.

Since I skipped yesterday because I hurt so much, the short and sweet Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout was supposed to be my warm up for lifting. I like it because it's short and has no super fancy moves. I used to do so much Turbo Jam that my body just did the moves without any thought. I could do some of the routines without the video. Muscle memory is a thing. I no longer have a heart rate monitor when I do cardio, I will have to rely on MyFitnessPal's estimate. Good enough, I guess.

Anyway, I didn't Turbo because I spent most of my morning on the phone trying to get my son into the doctor so he can get a referral for an orthopedic surgeon. I wasn't expecting to have an appointment within two hours of calling. So I decided it was more important to lift than do both because I knew if I took a shower, took my son to his appointment and came home, there would be no getting me back in my workout clothes. And it's a good thing I worked out beforehand because we didn't get home until late and I was much too stressed to work out by the time I got home.

NROL Break In B, Workout 1:

deadlift (conventional) - 2x15x45 lbs
step up (12" step) - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell one-arm shoulder press - 2x15x10 lbs
lying dumbbell row - 2x15x10 lbs - I didn't feel like setting up my homemade lat pull down contraption, so I subbed
reverse crunch - 2x15

Food was hard today. I had my coffee in the morning - not as much as usual. Then I took my son to the doctor and by the end of that appointment, I thought I was going to pass out. We went to Wal-Mart next to the doctor and I grabbed some hard boiled eggs. It was a 6-pack and I have no shame in admitting I ate three when I got home and the other three when we got home from the second appointment. Instead of getting him fast food, he picked out a BBQ chicken wrap and loved it. He said he could eat chicken wraps and salad with chicken everyday. Good kid, because we are going to be eating a lot of chicken. His weight is something I have to get under control. He called himself a cow when the doctor asked him to get on the scale. The number shocked me. I know he is heavy but I was really, truly shocked. I am not going to post it here. I'm just going to cry about it to myself and try to convince myself that I'm not a shit parent. We had a good talk, though, about making healthier choices. I won't be bringing home any more crap for him to eat. Occasional treats, yes, but no more pizza for lunch everyday. Jesus Christ, I suck at this parenting thing.

Anyway, I spent the day alternating between starving and wanting to eat everything and sight, and being too stressed to eat. I feel the fear of food creeping back into me. I did log my food yesterday (well except for two grapes) and I only hit 955 calories, and my goal is 1500. I even wanted to get more carrots before bed but didn't because I didn't want to log them. Fucking vegetables. I was afraid to eat vegetables because of the effort it would take to log them in the app. I can see if it was cheesecake or something (which we did have, which I told my roommate not to bring home but it was god damn baby carrots. For dinner, I made chicken breasts cooked in the Instant Pot with some Italian dressing, threw it in a huge bowl of spring mix with spinach and peppers. I added a little more Italian dressing and threw on some chow mein noodles and roasted sesame seeds for crunch. I think today's numbers looked much better:

Carbs - 73 g (17 over my goal, thanks to coffee creamer)
Fiber - 6 g (nowhere near my goal of 25 g)
Fat - 62 g (pretty close to my goal of 75 g)
Protein - 105 g (close to my 150 g goal, but I think I need to adjust that)
Total Calories - 1261 - That's good.

I'm aiming for 15% carbs, 45% fat, 40% protein. For today, my macro percentages were 23/44/33. Gotta work on that protein.

Update: I also had popcorn and a small slice of cheesecake after blogging. I didn't add it to MFP :(

NROL - Original: Week 1 - Break In A (WO1)

Yesterday was a scheduled rest day as I worked my last day before "vacation" (forced time off because I was about to stop accruing leave time for not having taken any days off in the 18 months I've been there). Good thing I had nothing scheduled because yesterday was a nightmare. Work was fine, but about an hour in, I got a call from my ex-husband saying our son had an accident and they were going to call an ambulance. This was right at the tail end of Tropical Storm Hermine and my ex thought the ambulance would be faster. No. He ended up driving about an hour to the nearest hospital. I couldn't reach my boss but let's be honest - I would have been totally useless. My son put his arm through a glass door when the wind gusted hard. My ex put him on the phone so I could talk to him and my baby started crying because I was crying. It sucked. He was trying so hard to be strong and brave and mommy's tears broke him. In the end, they went to the hospital, my 12 year old got 20 stitches, then went back to his dad's for the rest of the weekend. I always tell Sebastian that in the event of an apocalypse, he has to go stay with his dad to ensure his survival. My ex is great when it comes to that shit. I'll be the first one eaten by zombies, of that I am sure.

So after an emotionally draining "rest" day, I had a lot of shit on my plate for today. I needed to clean my son's room because he can barely clean it with two good hands. And I can't just clean one room. I have to clean them all. And my refrigerator needed to be emptied of all science projects and cleaned to prepare for healthy food storage. And of course, the bathroom sink is clogged, so while I waited for it to drain - while my roommate was off buying Drano - I got my workout in. It was a short and easy one. It literally took me 3 1/2 30 Seconds to Mars songs. And it wasn't that easy. My balance sucks and I've lost so much strength. I only used weights for the dumbbell rows. My push ups were a) on my knees (which I know Alwyn Cosgrove says is a big NO!) and b) shallow - kind of like my taste in celebrities.

Anyway...here's NROL Break In A, Workout 1:

squat - 2x15xbodyweight
static lunge - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell two point row w/ elbows out - 2x15x10 lbs
push ups - 2x15 on my knees
Swiss ball crunch - 2x20

I have creatine. I did not use it today. I think I will wait until the Hypertrophy phase. I'm lower weight high rep until Christmas Day. What a great gift - here, bitch, lift heavy!

Food was not that great. I am trying to get rid of the last of the junk in the house. I'm still trying to decide what to do about my daily coffee. With the flavored creamer I use, it's taking up almost 300 calories and 40 grams of carbs, all sugar. I am trying to decide whether or not I can continue consuming My Precious and still get anywhere if I eat right the rest of the day. I can't imagine my life without this. I wish I could remember how I took my coffee before but I'm too lazy to sift through four years worth of daily blogs. I think I even gave up coffee at one point. I have no desire to do that now. But that creamer is keeping be from fitting nicely into a category. I'm not Keto or Paleo or SFT (Weight Watchers). I want whole fat dairy, lean proteins, vegetables and fucking sweet potatoes. With French Vanilla Ecstasy and Splenda.

I didn't bother measuring or logging in MyFitnessPal because, as I said, it was junk elimination day. Aside from coffee, I had:

half a pint of ice cream

a small handful of nuts

shrimp & pasta with garlic and butter

I did throw away two half cans of Pringles and all my cereal that had been sitting around for months. 

Totally forgot I'm supposed to be back!

So, hahaha, yesterday was "Day 1" of of 1,575 and I totally forgot about it. Good thing yesterday was a scheduled rest day. If this doesn't set the tone for the insanity on which I'm about to embark...

All I really wanted to do was dick around with spreadsheets. I wanted to make my own for all the New Rules of Lifting programs. It took forfuckingever to make them exactly how I wanted them but I finally got it done after a while. Some of the programs, like Supercharged and For Life, were complicated to put together on a spreadsheet because there's no given exercise for the workouts. There are choices for the types of exercises in the workouts. So not only did I have to make the workout sheets, but I had to include all the exercises of a given group. Total pain in the ass.

One thing I've always wanted to do was ALL the NROL programs from start to finish. Now I have no excuse, other than I'm lazy. Ugh. I really want to lift again. I miss it so much. My schedule sucks balls and I'm thinking about becoming a roller derby ref, so that will eat up more of my time. I still have to be a parent. I had to schedule all my lifting on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, because I go in to work late those days, and on Sundays. I'm going to try to squeeze in short cardio sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays, longer ones on Fridays because I don't work. Saturdays will be rest days.

Here is my workout calendar for the rest of 2016. Actually, all of them are there. Right through 2020. I will finish up the NROL programs shortly after my 45th birthday. But I'm sure another book will come out by then and I will have to tinker with the second half of that year - ditch the Shaun T Insanity shit and do more NROL!

I'm not going to share the NROL spreadsheets here because Lou would probably spank me. But they are pretty, trust me. I'm starting with the original NROL and working through all 8,000 workouts. Ok, not really. It's 192 workouts, I think. If I start Sunday, September 4, 2016, I will finish the last original workout on Thursday, December 21, 2017. Nuts.

Since I completely forgot I had a Fit Test scheduled for today, I'm totally using my numbers from January 1 of this year. I'm pretty sure my fitness hasn't improved since then. I also wanted to get in a Rockport test in to measure VO2max but didn't. I also can't find my fucking body fat calipers, so my start stats are totally half assed. I did weigh myself and measured the waist/hip/gut area. Oh, and in a moment of brilliance, I decided to buy plain old calipers from Home Depot. I decided that my particular body fat percentage doesn't matter as long as the measurement with the calipers goes down.

So let's talk about food. Melty wants me to do a Paleo challenge with her. Um, maybe? I can't give up my coffee creamer and Splenda. I just can't. And again, I have people to feed who are not remotely interested in eating healthy foods. There really is no reason for me not to eat healthy, except that I'm lazy. There seems to be a theme here. I could live on apples, cottage cheese, eggs, chicken and vegetables but I don't think that would fly for the rest of my people.

I guess I will spend the weekend meal planning and prepping. Melty, don't let me quit.

Pre-Marathon Training: Week 2

Monday

No run today. I was tired when I got up from my two hours of crappy sleep, and it was too hot and humid to run after work.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• turkey sandwich

Tuesday

Rest day. Busy work day.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• salami, cheese & pretzels
• cheesy ranch chicken & pasta
• salami, cheese & crackers

Wednesday

I sucked it up and did my scheduled mileage. I walked the whole thing. Not even a jog. I have to start doing this shit in the mornings.

Before heart rate: 85 bpm
Total distance: 1.27 miles
1 mile pace: 16:31
Total distance pace: 16:52
Minutes per mile: 16:42
Duration: 21:12
After heart rate: 125 bpm
Calories burned: 117

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• pasta salad
• salad w/ chicken breast, cheese, salsa & sour cream

Thursday

No weights today. Deja vu.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• salad w/ chicken breast, cheese & ranch dressing
• Swiss roll and Nutty bar - I resisted for an entire 24 hours

Friday

No walk today. 

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• salami
• baby carrots w/ hummus
• smoked sausage & cheese on potato roll w/ baked beans
• Nutty bar - Damn it. I had a moment of weakness and immediately hated myself.

Saturday

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• pork chop, plain ravioi, avocado & cheese - It was clean out the fridge and freezer night! I hate grocery shopping when there are tons of half-containers and left overs.
• corn dog
• cheesecake

Sunday

Hahahaha. No walk today either. LOL :(

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• ham & turkey sandwiches
• potato roll and cheese - don't ask!
• spaghetti

Yes, I know my shit needs work. 

Pre-Marathon Training: Week 1

Monday

I went to bed last night with good intentions. I was going to get up at 6 AM and do my scheduled run before work. Nope. Woke up, had coffee, finished Season 10 of Friends and went about my day. I didn't want to run. I didn't want to do this bullshit at all. It was raining, I was tired. I was lazy.

But I fucking did it anyway. Granted, it was only a 1 mile walk and my calves hurt and my upper back wanted to run away. I did it, and I didn't die or even cry. So here are my lame stats:

Before heart rate: 97 bpm - it's not normally this high but I think the anxiety of it all jacked it up.
Total distance: 1.16 miles - I didn't start my app until I got to a certain point, but left it on until I got to the door of my apartment. I think I'm going to do it that way from now on. I have mileage routes planned out, but I'm going to track from the time I step out the door until the time I get back to that same point.
1 mile pace: 18:35 - I wish I could say it was leisurely but it wasn't :(
Total distance pace: 18:09 - I had to jog in a few spots to avoid traffic. I live in the city. Fortunately, the neighborhood behind my ghetto is lovely.
Minutes per mile: 18:31
Duration: 21:23
After heart rate: 122 bpm - Meh.
Calories burned: 106

Food is something I always struggle with. I didn't eat a whole lot last week. Here is what I had today:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer - If you know me at all, you know this is my kryptonite. I cannot and will not give this up, or even cut back on this 200 calorie deliciousness.
• chocolate stuffed Twinkie - pre-workout carbs, you know
• red pepper slices - See, I can have balance!
• sausage biscuit with gravy - don't judge me!
• ice cream - I said don't judge me!

Tuesday

I changed my schedule around a bit, due to my work hours. Tuesdays will be my rest days. Good thing, too, because all I had today was my coffee. Wait, I lied. I had some cottage cheese for dinner.

Wednesday

Today was another one-miler. I tried to pick up the pace a bit. I think I did okay. I even ran a bit. Probably just a quarter-mile. It felt good though. And by "good" I mean I can't wait for this to be over.

Before heart rate: 93 bpm
Total distance: 1.28 miles
1 mile pace: 15:16
Total distance pace: 16:41
Minutes per mile: 15:35
Duration: 19:57
After heart rate: 124 bpm
Calories burned: 127

Food for the day:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• pretzels
• chicken ranchero wrap & Mean Bean Java Monster
• baked potato - okay, it was French fries
• donut - sigh, I had resisted these for days

Thursday

Today was supposed to be upper body/core day. But I didn't have time, and probably won't have time on Saturday for it, either. so we will start that next week, okay? Cool.

Food for the day:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• giant salad w/ cheese, sour cream, taco meat (no chips or anything)

Friday

Now let me say something about this session. I knew it wasn't going to be any record breaker before I even got out of bed. It's my day off, so of course I'm up way earlier than normal. I just wanted my coffee and the Today Show. I knew I had a ton of stuff to get done today so I had to be efficient. I needed to go to the grocery store but didn't have my car (Brianna is in for an oil change) so I figured I would see how far it is to the store. Luckily for me, it was a mile. Why the slow pace? Because it was already hot as Laverne Cox outside and there was immediate moisture on my mustache when I stepped out the door. Because there is a whole gang of ducks that lives in the pond area behind my apartment complex, and I was sidestepping duck shit and actual ducks who seemed to think they owned the place.

Before heart rate: 85 bpm - I actually measured before I left my second floor apartment.
Total distance: 1.14 miles
1 mile pace: 17:12
Total distance pace: 17:59
Minutes per mile: 17:21
Duration: 19:50
After heart rate: 111 bpm (at first my phone sensor said 233 bpm - stupid app)
Calories burned: 102

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• bacon Whopper and fries
• pork chops and roasted red potatoes

Saturday

So no workout today and I barely ate anything (coffee, preztels & cheese). Work was insanely hectic and I had a ton of shit to do after. Once it was all done, I exercised my brain by reading a book.

Sunday

Yeah, it was way too hot to even breathe outside today, so I read another book. 

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• cheese stuffed meatballs
• sweet & sour chicken with vegetable fried rice

Lessons learned this week: I hate running and need to work on my nutrition.

More Pre-Marathon Nonsense

It's Day 2 and I've already decided to make changes. Instead of doing my long runs on Fridays, I'm going to move them to Sundays, move my Tuesday runs to Fridays (because they will get longer) and take rest days on Tuesdays. Or do yoga. It may not be the best strategy but for my schedule, it's the best fit.

I also wanted to talk a little bit about the upper body/core workout. I know you're supposed to work your legs a little bit ship cross training but I'm opting not to.

I've picked 9 exercises and broken them down into 3 supersets of 3 exercises - one core sandwiches between two upper body exercises. 2-3 sets of 10-15, progressively. And hopefully increase the weight periodically. Except for the YTWL. I can't imagine increasing beyond 3 pound dumbbells for those.

Superset 1

overhead dumbbell press

plank

YTWL - I discovered this Nasty Bitch doing New Rules of Lifting For Women

Superset 2

push up

one arm dumbbell row

stability ball jackknife

Superset 3

barbell bench press

SHELC

supine hip extension with leg curl

dumbbell skullcrusher

Good times, man. 

Pre-Marathon Training: Accountability, Yo!

So...

I was driving down I64 through Newport News, just about to hit the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel when my friend Cat texts me and asks if I want to do the American Family Fitness Half Marathon with her in November in Richmond. I love Cat dearly and she has been bugging me to run a "bigger" race with her for a few years, since she ran her first OBX GO FAR Bunny Hop 5K. (Cat, you're welcome, by the way, since I'm the one who introduced you to that race. Had I known it would come back to bite me in the ample ass...) Not one to text and drive, I quickly replied, "Yes" because apparently that was quicker than texting, "What are you out of your mother fucking mind? Not just no, but HELL NO!!!!!" And the rest of the drive home, I'm thinking, "How can I get out of this???" Not unlike Fletcher Reede.

I figured an "owie" wouldn't work for me, so I did something incredibly stupid. When I got home, I registered for the damn half-marathon. Then went on to panic about a training schedule. I hadn't worked out in forever, much less run and I still haven't quit smoking. I researched a few training programs, and found a 24-week program that looked do-able that I didn't have to start yet. Then with about 6 weeks before I was to start, I started to panic again, thinking, "I need more time to train!" So I tacked on 4 weeks of pre-marathon training, which was basically just a repeat of the super novice half-marathon training I'd found.

Now, you will see that I sometimes say "marathon" instead of "half-marathon" and there is a perfectly good, logical explanation for this.

I sort of mostly committed to doing the Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach in March. I didn't pull the trigger and register because I have priorities and bills to pay and a lot of it will depend on how much I hate myself after the half. But it made sense. Running a marathon is on my bucket list. I'll be half-way there. Might as well get it out of the way. I sure as hell don't want to have to go through this training twice. I want March 19, 2017 (290 days from now) to be the last day I ever run.

So more panic. I had to find a training program that will sort of pick up where the half leaves off and still gives me time to "get there" before the full. I found the Hal Hidgon Novice Supreme training program, and with a few tweaks, it fit perfectly into my remaining time on this great Earth. I scrapped what I had planned out and made myself a fancy spread sheet. I also decided I needed to do some upper body work on the days I don't run, so I put together something to get in some core and upper body training. I'm quite pleased with it. I think. For the moment I am. 

My pre-marthon training started today. Yes, started. I already did my first training session, which you will read all about in my weekly blog post. I don't have time for that daily posting shit. Sundays are rest days. Sundays are blog days. 

A couple of things to bitch about, to get them out of the way. How difficult is it to find running shorts with a back fucking pocket? I need somewhere to put my phone. I have an arm band thingy but I hate it. I need to find them in-store so I can try them on. I'm okay for a few weeks because real training (running) doesn't start until June 26. 

Also, my ear buds. I can't even walk without the right bud falling out. They are just standard ear buds. They fall out if I breathe. I have Yurbuds, which do not fall out. Do you know you why? Because it takes a miniature shoe horn and a sledgehammer to get them in.

Then there is my iPod. It's a Classic. I have playlists for working out, and I like them to shuffle. But then I have to remember to turn the shuffle off when I'm listening to the Titanic and Back to Titanic soundtracks at work. Do you know why I listen to that at work? So I can pretend it's the music making me sad and not the job. Just kidding. I love my job. Do your damn FAFSAs, people!!!

Fortunately, I got some hand-me-down (twice) iPod Shuffles. Three lovely, clip on 3rd Gens that I have named Castiel, Dean, and Sam. 

No spoilers, please. I am only on Season 9.

Is it me, or do iPod Shuffles take forever and a fucking day to charge?? I can't tell if the light is yellow or green and they have been charging for hours!

And my final bitch for now - the money I'll have to spend on running gear, like shoes and clothing I like (I absolutely must have a superhero running skirt, I'm just not sure which one. Wonder Woman is the obvious choice but there are others. Okay, not really. I want a Wonder Woman running skirt). I'm not going to get all fancy with GPS watches that record your heart rate and distance, or any of that other high-tech shit like teleport you from the start line to the finish line. Hell, I don't even have my beloved Polar heart rate monitor anymore. It kills me that I have to rely on Mapmyrun and S Health on my phone for approximate numbers. I want to know how far I've gone to the millimeter, my average/high/low heart rates for the workout, and the calories burned to the micro-calorie. Are micro-calories even a thing? Didn't think so. Damn it.

That's also why I won't be logging my food. Well, I will be writing down what I eat but I'm not measuring it. For one, I threw away my food scale. For two, fuck that. 

Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout

I took it easy on this one. I didn't work out yesterday because I woke up feeling like total garbage again. I hate when I am sick as a dog, feel great and think I'm over it, just to have my body say "psych, bitch!"  So I did the cardio low impact.

Tomorrow NROL4W starts.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• hummus & pretzels, cheese w/ salami
• chicken fajita

Feeling better but...

I needed one more day to recuperate. I have my workout ready for tomorrow. Going for a heavy 5x5, because I haven't had DOMS in years.

No workout today

I'm still sick. Or whatever this is. But I expect to be back to it tomorrow.

Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout

I did not cardio today. I have things going on - emotional shit (and still sick) so I had neither the time, nor the inclination.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• Nature Valley Oatmeal Square

NROL Break In B

I'm sick. I don't know if it's allergies or something else, but my workout was half-assed again.

Workout:

deadlift - 2 x 65 lbs x15

step up - 2 x bodyweight x 15
dumbbell one arm shoulder press - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

close grip lat pulldown - 2 x purple band x 15
reverse crunch - 2 x bodyweight x 15

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• granola bar
• pork chops & cheesy potatoes w/ stuffing

I don't even know what today is

I don't even know what my workout for today was supposed to be. I didn't have time to look. I also didn't have time to eat, so all I had was my coffee and a protein cookie that tasted like Play-Dough.

Meh. I ended up eating a bowl of plain Cheerios and a peanut butter sandwich.

NROL Break In A

I woke up feeling pretty crappy, didn't pack my lunch (which didn't matter because I didn't have time for lunch), and knew I had a ton of ish to do when I got home from work (grocery shopping, put dishes away, harp on my kid to clean his room). Before work, I got in a half assed workout. I didn't increase my weights for the workout this week like I'd planned :(

Workout:

squat - 2 x bodyweight x 15

static lunge - 2 x bodyweight x 15
two point dumbbell row - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

push up - 2 x 15
swiss ball crunch - 2 x 20

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• raw vegetables w/ ranch dressing - Be very fucking proud of me. This was my first meal of the day at 8 P.M., when I could have stuffed my face with crackers and chocolate.
• shrimp & pasta
• cheese & crackers

Yoga X

Okay, so I didn't bother doing any yoga. I spent the day being pissed off. I ate cinnamon rolls, and that pissed me off even more. I got so mad at myself, I didn't want to eat for the rest of the day, even though I was hungry. And of course, I know that's not how it should be done. I know how to eat healthy. I just lack coping mechanisms when I am overwhelmed by life. And I am extremely overwhelmed right now. So I basically ate dough all day.

NROL Break In B

I kept the weights the same as the first workout - I will increase on the next go round. Ever since last week when I pulled my glute muscle doing Turbo on carpet, my right leg has been a bit dicey. 

Workout:

deadlift - 2 x 65 lbs x15

step up - 2 x bodyweight x 15
dumbbell one arm shoulder press - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

close grip lat pulldown - 2 x purple band x 15
reverse crunch - 2 x bodyweight x 15

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• chicken biscuit - This was provided by work for our open house today. It was disgusting and I wish I hadn't eaten it.
• turkey wrap w/ pasta salad - Again, provided by work, and much better than the chicken biscuit. Damn small though :(
• popcorn
• apple & cheese

Yeah, that's it.

Cardio Party 1

A 45 minute workout on my day off wasn't really my idea of a good time. I suffered through it, then spent the day watching Netflix.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• eggs w/ toast 
• chicken breast, cheesy potatoes, corn

Meh. Not a great day.

NROL Break In A

I managed to get my workout in before work. The second A workout was pretty much the same as the first. I still don't feel like I'm ready to squat and lunge with weights yet. Maybe by next time...

Workout:

squat - 2 x bodyweight x 15

static lunge - 2 x bodyweight x 15
two point dumbbell row - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

push up - 2 x 15
swiss ball crunch - 2 x 20

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• granola bar & peanut butter crackers
• Subway - chicken bacon ranch melt & chocolate chip cookie 

Turbo Jam Fat Blaster

I didn't spend the entire day dreading this workout. I actually kind of looked forward to it. Fat Blaster is one of my favorites. I didn't care much for it being half hour long, as I still feel like I'm an out of shape twat. And I despise working out on carpet :(

Again, I didn't bring my lunch to work. I got home too late last night and had to leave too early this morning to figure out what I wanted and prepare/pack it. I did manage to make healthy choices. Yay me.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• almonds, cheese & hummus w/ pretzel chips
• pulled pork sandwich & sweet potato 
• meatballs - I was still hungry after dinner

NROL Break In B

I could have worked out this morning before work, but it was freezing and I wanted to stay in bed and read. So I got to dread it all day.

And I didn't pack my lunch. Or take coffee to work.

Workout:

deadlift - 2 x 65 lbs x15

step up - 2 x bodyweight x 15
dumbbell one arm shoulder press - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

close grip lat pulldown - 2 x purple band x 15
reverse crunch - 2 x bodyweight x 15

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• granola bars
• potato bacon chowder
• pulled pork sandwich & clam chowder - I really debated whether or not I needed the bun. I did eat it, and immediately felt guilty

Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout

Another day of dreading having to come home and exercise. Fortunately, it was quick. I pulled my right hamstring a little because I was wearing socks, no shoes. I have to find my indoor shoes.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda and fresh vanilla creamer
• meatballs - just plain old meatballs
• salad w/ ranch dressing, baby carrots
• eggs, English muffin w/ butter

NROL Break In A

Again, I wasn't looking forward to working out. Luckily, it was all stuff I could do while watching season 3 of Wentworth. And since it was my first workout in years, I went with bodyweight only for the squats and lunges. But I really focused on form!

Workout:

squat - 2 x bodyweight x 15

static lunge - 2 x bodyweight x 15
two point dumbbell row - 2 x 10 lbs x 15

push up - 2 x 15
swiss ball crunch - 2 x 20

It doesn't look like much but I wanted to throw up when I finished.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer
• beef jerky
• carrots
• steak w/ sweet potato & salad
• English muffin w/ jelly

Oh, and I packed my lunch for tomorrow: salad, raw vegetables, meatballs. And some granola bars to keep in my desk.

Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout

When I woke up this morning, the first thing to pop into my head was "Ugh, I have to work out later." Even though Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout is short and one of my favorites (not because it is short), I had several moments of "It's okay if I'm fat and out of shape." It makes me sad that I used to love working out and now I would rather be flayed. I'm really hoping that I can push myself for a few weeks until I get my eagerness back.

I'm not tracking my calories burned during cardio. I was going to, but my heart rate monitor doesn't work and I really didn't feel like spending $200+ on a new one. While it would be nice to know how much I'm burning, it isn't going to affect anything - I'll burn what I burn. I get obsessive about numbers. I don't have time for all this logging and blogging as it is. I had to finish yesterday's post on my Kindle Fire because I hardly ever turn my laptop on anymore. I can get my posts started from work (I actually work in an office now, so my overall energy expenditure has decreased somewhat from last year when I was serving school lunch and working with elementary kids all afternoon). The advantages of this new job (that I've been working for 9 months) are that I'm not exposed to horrible, free food and I actually rarely get hungry while I'm at work, I don't usually get hungry until mid-late afternoon and I know I'm making terrible choices by grabbing something from the vending machine. Bringing a decent lunch/snack from home is something I need to work on.

Food:

• coffee w/ Splenda & french vanilla creamer
• kettle cooked wasabi ginger potato chips - these things are amazing
• meatballs - I needed protein after my workout
• buffalo chicken stuffed potato skins
• cheesecake

And yes, I did my cardio. It's amazing that my body remembered the moves after all this time. And I hate myself for not being able to do it the way I used to.

2016 Fit Test 1

So my lame ass is back. I spent the last week putting together a year-long workout schedule, after spending two months trying to decide what to do. I'm doing New Rules of Lifting for Women (again) and Lou's new program, Strong. I mapped them out and both of them together would have taken me into early November. To stretch it out a bit, I'm adding the original New Rules of Lifting program's Break In workouts at the beginning and the end. I have a fabulous spreadsheet on my Google Drive   that is going to keep all my stats for every workout neatly in one place.

I guess today is measurements day. I'm only taking two, and only one of them I really care about. Weight, which I don't give two shits about, is 154 pounds. Not as bad as I thought. The measurement I do care about is that damn distance around my midsection. You know the one, where the belly sticks out/hangs and the love handles jiggle, That region spans a girthy 42.25 inches around. Blech. That's the number I care about, the one I want to go down.

So what's in store for today? You surely don't think I am going to kick things off with pumping iron, do you? Oh hell no. Gotta ease back into that shit. Today is Shaun T's Insanity Fit Test. And maybe the Performance Assessment from Insanity: The Asylum. I don't know if I can do both of them in one day. That's 40 minutes of hell. Okay, it's really only 20 minutes of actual work but I haven't worked in years. And tomorrow, to sort of keep my spirits up, will be Turbo Jam 20 Minute Workout. On Sunday I hit the weights.

What about nutrition? The bane of my existence. As my good bitch-friend, Melty, will tell you, I hate measuring and tracking my food. I considered using MyFitnessPal but I highly doubt I have the time, energy, or inclination to log my food.  I don't mind jotting it down here, but there's no way I'm going to obsess over every ounce. I want to do Weight Watcher's Simply Filling Technique, but I don't really have a convenient way to track the shit that's not a Power Food. Well, I'm sure I could figure out a way but, again - lazy! And now I see they just rolled out an entirely new points system, and I'm not going to waste my energy trying to pirate the information. There is a Weight Watchers around the corner from my apartment, but not only am I lazy, I am cheap. Plus, I know what I'm fucking doing. I don't really think joining will help me. I'm a loner.

Ok, Fit Test results:

Switch Kicks - 84
Power Jacks - 34
Power Knees - 85
Power Jumps - 5
Globe Jumps - 4
Suicide Jumps - 10
Push Up Jacks - 1/2 - Yes, a half.
Low Plank Obliques - 12

I was miserable by the time I finished the power knees.  My head hurt and I was very dehydrated. So this fit test sucked. Needless to say, I didn't do the Performance Assessment. I'll save that for 2017's Shaun T Challenge.

Food:

• Coffee w/ Splenda and French vanilla creamer - This is one thing I won't give up. Ever. 
• Sausage burritos (2) and hash brown from McDonald's - Not a good choice, I know
• English muffin w/ jelly - This was the most delicious thing I'd eaten all day and wanted another. Unfortunately, I was out of jelly. How am I going to lose weight if all I want is English muffins with jelly???
• Spaghetti w/ meatballs
• Cheerios

Meh. Not the first day I wanted.