I was driving down I64 through Newport News, just about to hit the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel when my friend Cat texts me and asks if I want to do the American Family Fitness Half Marathon with her in November in Richmond. I love Cat dearly and she has been bugging me to run a "bigger" race with her for a few years, since she ran her first OBX GO FAR Bunny Hop 5K. (Cat, you're welcome, by the way, since I'm the one who introduced you to that race. Had I known it would come back to bite me in the ample ass...) Not one to text and drive, I quickly replied, "Yes" because apparently that was quicker than texting, "What are you out of your mother fucking mind? Not just no, but HELL NO!!!!!" And the rest of the drive home, I'm thinking, "How can I get out of this???" Not unlike Fletcher Reede.
I figured an "owie" wouldn't work for me, so I did something incredibly stupid. When I got home, I registered for the damn half-marathon. Then went on to panic about a training schedule. I hadn't worked out in forever, much less run and I still haven't quit smoking. I researched a few training programs, and found a 24-week program that looked do-able that I didn't have to start yet. Then with about 6 weeks before I was to start, I started to panic again, thinking, "I need more time to train!" So I tacked on 4 weeks of pre-marathon training, which was basically just a repeat of the super novice half-marathon training I'd found.
Now, you will see that I sometimes say "marathon" instead of "half-marathon" and there is a perfectly good, logical explanation for this.
I sort of mostly committed to doing the Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach in March. I didn't pull the trigger and register because I have priorities and bills to pay and a lot of it will depend on how much I hate myself after the half. But it made sense. Running a marathon is on my bucket list. I'll be half-way there. Might as well get it out of the way. I sure as hell don't want to have to go through this training twice. I want March 19, 2017 (290 days from now) to be the last day I ever run.
So more panic. I had to find a training program that will sort of pick up where the half leaves off and still gives me time to "get there" before the full. I found the Hal Hidgon Novice Supreme training program, and with a few tweaks, it fit perfectly into my remaining time on this great Earth. I scrapped what I had planned out and made myself a fancy spread sheet. I also decided I needed to do some upper body work on the days I don't run, so I put together something to get in some core and upper body training. I'm quite pleased with it. I think. For the moment I am.
My pre-marthon training started today. Yes, started. I already did my first training session, which you will read all about in my weekly blog post. I don't have time for that daily posting shit. Sundays are rest days. Sundays are blog days.
A couple of things to bitch about, to get them out of the way. How difficult is it to find running shorts with a back fucking pocket? I need somewhere to put my phone. I have an arm band thingy but I hate it. I need to find them in-store so I can try them on. I'm okay for a few weeks because real training (running) doesn't start until June 26.
Also, my ear buds. I can't even walk without the right bud falling out. They are just standard ear buds. They fall out if I breathe. I have Yurbuds, which do not fall out. Do you know you why? Because it takes a miniature shoe horn and a sledgehammer to get them in.
Then there is my iPod. It's a Classic. I have playlists for working out, and I like them to shuffle. But then I have to remember to turn the shuffle off when I'm listening to the Titanic and Back to Titanic soundtracks at work. Do you know why I listen to that at work? So I can pretend it's the music making me sad and not the job. Just kidding. I love my job. Do your damn FAFSAs, people!!!
Fortunately, I got some hand-me-down (twice) iPod Shuffles. Three lovely, clip on 3rd Gens that I have named Castiel, Dean, and Sam.
No spoilers, please. I am only on Season 9.
Is it me, or do iPod Shuffles take forever and a fucking day to charge?? I can't tell if the light is yellow or green and they have been charging for hours!
And my final bitch for now - the money I'll have to spend on running gear, like shoes and clothing I like (I absolutely must have a superhero running skirt, I'm just not sure which one. Wonder Woman is the obvious choice but there are others. Okay, not really. I want a Wonder Woman running skirt). I'm not going to get all fancy with GPS watches that record your heart rate and distance, or any of that other high-tech shit like teleport you from the start line to the finish line. Hell, I don't even have my beloved Polar heart rate monitor anymore. It kills me that I have to rely on Mapmyrun and S Health on my phone for approximate numbers. I want to know how far I've gone to the millimeter, my average/high/low heart rates for the workout, and the calories burned to the micro-calorie. Are micro-calories even a thing? Didn't think so. Damn it.
That's also why I won't be logging my food. Well, I will be writing down what I eat but I'm not measuring it. For one, I threw away my food scale. For two, fuck that.