Thursday, February 26, 2009

ChaLean Extreme - Week 4 - Thursday

So, it's pretty much unanimous that I have to get rid of my old jeans and buy new ones, including a couple pairs NOW. This scares me. I'm not ready, for a couple reasons. One, as I said yesterday, I don't want to waste money on something I won't wear very long. The main reason, though, is that I don't want my fat highlighted. I can hide it now. Sort of. I mean, it's obvious (or was) that I am/was overweight/obese. I feel like buying new jeans will just bring attention to my jiggles. Do not want. I'd rather hide in my comfortable fat clothes and be self-conscious all the time in something that fits. And that's so stupid because, dude, people can see I'm chubby. So do I do what makes me feel better or what makes me look better? I might look better, to others, in a proper pair of pants, but I will be extremely uncomfortable and super aware of my flaws. I'm the kind of person who likes to hide. I'd wear a mask (or paper bag, because I am cheap) over my head if I could. I'll settle for Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility though!

Exercise was weird today. On Thursdays, I can't work out until after I take my son to school, because there's not enough time to do it before. Then when I got home, I wanted to listen to a radio bit. By the time I started my dvd, it was 9:15 already. Then about 25 minutes in, my mother-in-law called so I lost my groove for 10 minutes. By the time I finished and took a shower, I was starving, so I made lunch. By the time I ate, I just didn't feel like going for a walk, and I feel guilty about that. I know I don't need to do it every day, and I've already done it 3 times this week. My body is just tired and my shins hurt. I needed a break. Gah, but the guilt!!! I need to get over it.

7:45 AM - orange & cottage cheese

11:30 AM - turkey bacon, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa, toast w/ butter

11:45 AM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

3:05 PM - Cheerios w/ skim milk

5:10 PM - a chicken nugget and a bite of mixed vegetables leftover from my son's dinner; I didn't log these in my tracker

6:30 PM - roasted chicken (dark meat) & broccoli

Calories - 1367
Carbs - 132 (24 fiber)
Protein - 109
Fat - 40
C/P/F Ratio - 33.9/32.9/27.2


Sara said...

I promise our jeans/pants shopping will not be even a fraction as stressful as you are anticipating. I realize you haven't done this in a long long while, but I'm here to help and make you laugh and have fun, one pair of jeans at a time. We will find you STYLISH AND COMFY things to wear! And I promise, comfort will be the top priority!!! When we are done, you will wonder why you put it off so long!

Jess said...

ITA with Sara. She looks like a fun chick to shop with. :)

What you did NOT see in my pics on my blog is my major muffin top. It sounds to me like you've got the same problem that I do. You can camoflauge (sp?) it with slightly bigger tops...or some spanx (or a girdle) if that makes you more comfortable.

You will NOT regret getting new jeans. Buy them a tad smaller so you feel like you'll be getting more for your money. Plus, that will give you a fit into them more comfortably. (that's what I'm telling myself)

Deep breaths, Becky. You can do this! :)