Monday, September 29, 2008

NROL - Week 9 - Monday

In my last blog, Hayley asked me some good questions that I don't want to get buried, so I am going to answer them here. I'm not sure how helpful my responses will be for you, Hayley - or to anyone else reading this. But it's weird that I was just thinking about these questions (or similar) before logging in today and seeing Hayley's comment.

What do you think has helped you more than anything to cope with bingeing? Was it the books you read or just pausing before bingeing? Blogging your food each day? Any words of advice?

Honestly, the biggest thing that has helped me is that I am now aware of the problem. I mean, I knew I had a problem but until I realized and accepted that it was more than just loving sweets, I couldn't get it under control. The books were helpful only so far as helping me realize how common this is, and that there is hope in dealing with it. I haven't been all that great about implementing the strategies in the books. That's just laziness on my part.

Blogging helps A LOT. When I fell off the wagon over the spring and summer, I wasn't blogging as specifically as I am now. I'd work on one long post and just post it at the end of the week. For a while, I'm not even sure I bothered to write anything down, and I definitely felt like crap about it. My thought process at that time was, "Since I'm not accountable anywhere, I can eat whatever crap I want." And of course, the more crap I ate, the worse I felt, and the less I wanted to even put it all out there. And the cycle would continue. So daily accountability of exactly what I'm eating and what I'm doing for exercise helps me deal with it. I don't know if it's having control this way that keeps me from losing control in other ways, but I feel better when I blog. For me, mood is a huge factor in whether or not I binge. As long as I stay happy (or at least moderately positive), I'm good. The minute I let myself get too depressed, I stop caring about what I eat.

As far as advice, I'm not sure. I'm way too new at this to feel qualified to say anything at all. I get frustrated every day with this, probably because I'm also trying to diet while I deal with the binge issue. I hate not being normal. This is harder than quitting smoking cold turkey, and probably the hardest thing I've ever done.

Sleep was crappy last night. I feel asleep before midnight but kept waking up from about 2:30 AM until 5:30 AM. Then I just stayed awake in bed. I was going to get up and workout but I didn't want to wake my son up.

Today's workout was Fat Loss 1B, with 45 second rest periods:

[superset w/ full rest]:
(conventional) deadlift
db incline bench press 3x10x25

[superset w/ full rest]:
Bulgarian split-squat 3x10x7.5 (per leg)
mixed-grip lat pulldown 3x10x68

[superset w/ full rest]:
Romanian deadlift
Swiss ball lateral roll 3x10xbw (per side)

Do you know what I love about the workouts at the end of a program? They are shorter! Fewer reps and shorter rest periods cuts a good portion of time off my workout. Not a lot but enough that I notice it. I'm all about short duration, high intensity.

6:45 AM - apple & cottage cheese

10:00 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

12:20 PM - roast w/ onions & green beans sauteed in butter; I waited a bit too long to eat, but I got distracted cleaning the house; I should have split this into two meals; I was going to because I knew I was full after the first plate but I waited half hour then ate the rest when I was absolutely not hungry

5:10 PM - cucumber

6:05 PM - peanut butter & jelly sandwich; I was getting hungry and cranky and the thought of eating chicken breast made me even crankier

And this evening, my husband really, really ticked me off - so much that I stormed out of the house and went for a drive. I calmed down quickly though, and came home, because I didn't want to end up going somewhere and buying food. I wasn't hungry at all - the thought of eating actually made me want to vomit - but my rage was so intense that I would have eaten candy bar after candy bar. I honestly don't know how I managed to hang on but now that I'm home and past the worst of it, I'm just going to bed.

Calories - 1243
Carbs - 104 (28 fiber)
Protein - 108
Fat -  50
C/P/F Ratio - 32/33.2/34.8

1 comment:

Hayley said...

Hi Becky!

This post was awesome!! I think that staying accountable by writing down what you eat and your exercise for the day does seem to be helping a lot - and I've noticed that even on the days when you don't seem to feel that happy (for whichever reason you blog about) you still don't turn to food - and THAT is the most important thing...I can't tell you how much you inspire me. I know not eating when you're feeling crappy is one of the hardest things to do, but I think you are getting stronger every day.

I think I am going to do the same thing about writing out my meals and workouts. It can't hurt, right? I also think staying aware is really important..

Thanks for this post - it was great. :)

Sorry about your husband, by the know how I feel about that kind of stuff. They just do NOT understand sometimes..