NROL - Week 4 - Wednesday

I am an emotional wreck today. My four year old, who has never spent more than a few hours away from me and only two hours away from a parent, started preschool today. After I dropped him off, I went to the store to buy him a treat for after school. He loves Dibs (the ice cream) and Food Lion had them on sale. I bought 2 cartons. I was so tempted to just eat them all in my car, right there in the parking lot. But I didn't. I drove home, and divided the Dibs into little snack cups. I wanted to eat them all right there in the kitchen. But I didn't. I stuck all the snack cups in the freezer. Then, I couldnt' decide whether or not I was going to do some cardio. I really planned on not doing it, because I wanted to wallow in my sorrow. Then I was going to do it. Then I was just going to use the Wii. Then I figured I would be mad at myself if I didn't do real exercise. (Not that the Wii Fit/Sports isn't real exercise - you get out what you put in with that, and some of the activities, I just can't really get into, and I certainly never feel as active as I do when I'm doing other things.) Then I decided not to work out at all. But I did! I did the Tae Bo Cardio Circuit 1 again. I actually practiced those moves a bit that were giving me trouble last time. I think if I just keep practicing, I'll get them all down. When all was said and done, I was glad I worked out. It distracted me from missing my baby and, of course, I got some exercise.

It's going to take me a while to get used to a new schedule. Unless I get up at 5 AM, I have to save my workouts until after I drop my son off at school. I should be getting home by 8 AM, which isn't bad. I wanted to have my days free to do whatever, but I really don't have anything to do anyway. So, I guess there won't be any getting up at 5 AM.

Today is rough. I want to eat - not necessarily junk food, but I want to eat. There are 3 pumpkin muffins left. There's a big bowl of brown rice. I could easily eat all that. I wouldn't consider that a binge - just overeating. But I worry that overeating will trigger a binge. There is ice cream in the freezer, after all. What if I eat that rice and think, "Screw it! I've already blown it, might as well eat all this ice cream." That's the kind of thing I worry about if I just eat too much of something decent. Of course, that is something I'm going to need to learn to handle.

Ok, I burned dinner and I'm really freaking mad. In all the after school excitement, I wasn't paying attention. I cut up some beef to make a chili and it burned. It's something I can eat some other time, but not something I'm willing to serve to anyone else. So now I'm angry and hungry as hell because I forgot to have a snack with my son.

6:45 AM - homemade protein shake

10:45 AM - tuna fish on whole wheat roll; eaten on couch; not satisfying at all

11:30 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

2:00 PM - apple w/ peanut butter; eaten at desk; I didn't want a full meal because I want to have a snack with my son when he gets home from school

5:45 PM - mozzarella sticks; I scarfed these down in the kitchen while trying to figure out what the heck to eat for dinner

6:00 PM - brown rice, top round steak, cheese hot dog, carrot; eaten at desk; I ate some of the meat I burned earlier as well as the rest of my son's dinner - I didn't want it to go to waste but I still feel guilty for eating it. I could have put it in a bowl for him to eat later but I'm just too cranky to deal with that.

8:30 PM - pumpkin carrot muffin

Calories - 1728
Carbs - 135 (15 fiber)
Protein - 129
Fat - 75
C/P/F Ratio - 31.1/29.9/38.9