Wednesday, July 13, 2011

New Rules of Lifting for Abs - Week 4 - Wednesday

plank - 2x90 sec
side plank - 2x45 sec, each side

split squat, front foot elevated - 3x12x30 lbs, each side
suspended row - 3x12

Romanian deadlift - 3x12x105 lbs
push up - 3x12

I increased the weight for the split squat and the deadlift. I still hate 12 rep sets.

banana, coffee w/ skim milk [1]
chicken breast w/ green beans & olive oil [6]
raw vegetables slices, egg salad on light English muffin [6]
cheese [2]
cheese & avocado omelet, bagel thin w/ light cream cheese [14]
apple & cottage cheese [5]

I'm having major problems with guilt and weekly point hoarding. I've been trying to wait as long as possible to eat, and then I don't want to eat more than I "have" to. I feel like I should be letting the points dictate my minimum and not my hunger. I'm still resenting that my husband gets to eat nuts and cheese to meet his daily points. I've barely touched my weekly points, and it's painful to dip into them. It's so stupid because I'll get to the weekend and panic with an overwhelming need to use up 30 points. I've considered spreading them out evenly over the week but that freaks me out because it feels like "too much" food. But I'm hungry and it's hard to find things that really satisfy me. What the hell is a serving of nuts (at 5 points) going to do for me? Jack shit. Some broccoli? Yeah, that's satisfying. I hate this whole situation. I hate being afraid to eat, I hate pigging out on junk, I hate that it causes so much distress. I'm cranky because I'm hungry and when I eat, I'm cranky because I'm overweight.  I can't win.

I used all of my daily points and have 44 weekly points remaining.


Lily said...

Hi there,

I felt I just had to leave a comment on this post. I found your blog today looking at some links on books about binge eating, and have been scrolling through some of your more recent entries.

What you said here at the end could have been straight out of my mouth. I know exactly how you feel and wanted you to know you're not alone. I was kind of okay with my weight at high school, then put on some weight through lack of regular exercise and increased stress so started WW. Since then, nearly 8 years ago, my relationship with food has gone from bad to worse. When I'm 'on' I'm really on and after a while it feels great. But then that milestone or goal I was reaching for is achieved and something triggers me to go 'off'. And then I am seriously off, grazing, sneaking food, pretending that I'm not as fat as I have gotten. It's hellish and not a great way to live, but like you I'm trying to understand it and realise that I'm not perfect and that's ok. Thanks for posting so honestly :)

Becky said...

Thanks for posting, Lily. It's nice to see someone else with the same struggles. I belong to a few WW message boards and a lot of people don't seem to struggle. They are either lying or lucky. Maybe not lying, but definitely in denial. I was in denial about my binge eating forever. I could continue to use it as an excuse but then I'd never get anywhere - even if that somewhere is just NOT gaining everything back.