It was another day of crappy eating, being lazy, being angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I watched a documentary on childhood obesity (Killer at Large) while eating chicken nuggets, corn dog nuggets, popcorn and chocolate chips. I laid on the couch reading and watching television for most of the day, with every intention of doing jack shit until it was time for bed. I kept thinking about my commitment to run the OBX Killer Dunes 2-Mile on Monday, and how much I did not want to do it. To hell with my entry fee. I kept thinking about how angry and depressed I feel when I eat bad foods, and how much I really don't give a shit. I kept thinking that I really didn't give a flying fuck if I gained back every pound I've lost, plus more.
Then, I decided I have absolutely had enough of this crap. I told my cousin I would participate in the Saturday Fitness Beatdown this week. For most of the day, I fully intended to claim I forgot. So, while watching the 2009 World's Strongest Man competition, I told myself to quit slacking and get off my ass. So for two minutes, I did the burpee frog thingies. I don't know how many I did - 24, maybe. I didn't count them. I just know that I felt better after doing them. My head hurt but I felt energized. I should live in my workout clothes. I always feel good in them.
I'm at a bit of a crossroads here, food-wise. My husband wants to do Atkins again. I do not. I am still very interested in paleo/primal but I don't want to give up dairy and grains and legumes. So "obviously" Weight Watchers is still my best bet. But I'm so sick of weighing and tracking and thinking of points. Even doing the Simply Filling Technique would be difficult - I need to do something to control the eating when I'm not hungry. I don't want to want junk food. I hate wanting junk food. It makes me feel like shit, physically and mentally. It makes me cranky. I wish it didn't exist.
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