I completely lost it last night. I shoveled whatever carbs and fat I could find into my mouth - sandwiches, cereal, candy bars that I specifically went out to buy. I didn't care. I still just don't care. I'm finding it hard to give a shit about anything these days.
I know I'm eating way too many carbs, especially on Meatless Mondays. I don't know why I keep doing Meatless Monday. I like the "challenge" of it, even though it's not much of a challenge anymore, after almost two years. I like the food I tend to focus on on Mondays - beans and quinoa and bulgur. I like oats. I like pasta and breads. I don't think I go overboard with them, but I probably eat too much of them for my body.
Today I measured, weighed and logged every little thing, including vegetables and fruit, into SparkPeople's nutrition tracker. For the record, I hate all that crap. I don't mind measuring my non-vegetable food, but logging it really is a pain in the ass, because Spark's web site hates me. It's slow as hell on my computer. Yes, I've cleared my cache and all that, and I'm using Chrome. But still, it takes forever to load. Or it will load and lock up. I really dislike that site sometimes. Great features but a pain to use.
coffee w/ skim milk 
yogurt w/ apple & cinnamon 
veggie salad w/ salsa & canola oil 
carrot sticks & red pepper slices 
Mexican bulgur skillet w/ cheese 
chocolate malted ricotta w/ banana & light whipped cream 
So anyway, all that added up to 22 Weight Watchers PointsPlus. I get 29 per day. If you just throw all my totals (57 g protein, 203 g carbs, 34 g fiber, 34 g fat for 1317 calories) into the P+ calculator, it comes out to 32 points. Now, that's not technically how you calculate points - you're supposed to do it for individual foods/ingredients, then add together. Okay, let's do that. My veggie salad and salsa were both 0 points. My apple was 1.5 points. The carrots were 2 points. The banana was 3 points. That's another 6-7 points, which would give me 29 points for the day (if fruit & vegetables counted). I'm obviously over-thinking things but it's pretty clear how little I am going to have to eat in order to lose weight. And at this point, I am overweight. Again.
I wasn't really all that hungry today. I ate when I thought I should eat, and I definitely ate carrots when I wasn't hungry. I would have loved to eat for the sake of eating, though, if it had been unhealthy foods. There was no joy in any of my meals today.