Sunday, October 5, 2008

NROL - Week 9 - Sunday

150.5 today, up half a pound. I'm still sick, and I spent the morning and most of the afternoon being a total lump on the couch or back in bed. I also ate off plan - so far off plan it's laughable - but I am not giving it a second thought! I don't feel guilty in the least. I indulged but did not binge.

There's something on my mind, and I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Today, I really wanted a Deluxe Big Breakfast from McDonald's, the one with the eggs, biscuit, sausage, hash brown, and pancakes. I knew it wasn't a smart choice but I wanted it. I went through other options in my head, but it kept coming back to the Big Breakfast. So I got one. It tasted like crap because of my cold but other than that, I was really ambivalent toward my decision. In my mind, it was okay to eat it (as in, not a binge) because I was in total control the whole time. But what I've I'm just convincing myself that I am in control, just as a way to rationalize poor decisions? I realize that binge eating is more complex than that, but the control issue is the one I struggle with the most. I honestly feel like I was in control, and I'm certain it wasn't just a reaction to the slight weight gain.

I'll be honest, my eating hasn't been great today, in terms of eating on time, and I'm not sure I'm trying to compensate for my breakfast or it's because I'm sick. Eating has been wonky all week. So that's the last I'll dwell on that! I'm noting it all here AND I logged it in my tracker. If I were losing it, I would have neglected that. Of course, that doesn't make it all better, but it's progress for me. I'm not ignoring the food, as if I never ate it.

7:00 AM - coffee w/ cream & Splenda

10:20 AM - Deluxe Big Breakfast from McDonald's, tea w/ cream & Splenda

4:10 PM - carrots

5:40 PM - chicken breast, cheese, barbecue sauce, tortilla; my mouth is definitely not hungry but my body is

Calories - 1791
Carbs - 187 (13 fiber)
Protein - 87
Fat - 77
C/P/F Ratio - 41.7/19.4/38.9


Hayley said...

Honestly I think there is NOTHING wrong with you eating something from McD's...your eating is good almost 100% of the time and I think your decision to go with what you truly wanted was important. Otherwise you might've eaten something else just because you were "supposed" to eat that and then STILL wanted the McD's...being a normal eater means going with what you truly want, eating it and then moving on. That's exactly what you did! Be proud of yourself... :)

On another note, i hope you feel better soon!!!

Becky said...

Thanks, Hayley. That's kind of what I was thinking. I want to be normal, and this was something normal people do!

Hayley said...

You are THERE Becky!!! I am so proud of weird as that may sound?? :)