I went for a bike ride this morning. Just over 5 miles in just under 40 minutes. I burned 244 calories. I really need to practice biking. I'm really slow, but I enjoyed it.
The day started off well enough, but by pre-lunch, I thought I'd blown it. I ate a normal breakfast after my bike ride, drank my first 40 ounces of water, and went off to exchange a pair of shorts and look for a pool cover. It ended up being a pain in the ass back and forth morning looking for the cover and some specific cleaner my husband wanted. By the time I finished all that, never even finding a pool cover, I was hungry and cranky and so was my son. He suggested Subway. I reluctantly agreed, then said screw it. I got a footlong Spicy Italian sub. I figured I'd eat half of it, and take the other half home for later. The stupid things was so darn good, I ate the entire 1200 calorie mistake right there, all before 11 AM. So I grumbled about that and told myself since I'd blown it, I was going home and having ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
Fortunately, by the time I got to the produce stand, I talked some sense into myself. I don't have any weekly or activity points left, so I was going to try to stick to filling foods, and mostly vegetables and fruit. That lasted all of 2 hours. Then I ate quite a bit of crap. Bad, bad crap.
I'm getting desperate. I cannot control this. It's not a boredom issue, though I do better during the week when I'm at work. And that scares the hell out of me because I only have 3 more days of work. Even if I'm busy, I'm thinking about food. I never should have bought that damn sub this morning. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was hungry. And I'd just eaten 2 hours before - protein and fat, so I should have been satisfied. But I rarely am.
I hate this. I keep telling myself, "At least you don't give up." Because I don't. I stick with it, whatever this is. I'm still trying. And I keep telling myself, "You're very consistent about your workouts." Because I am. I am a freaking rockstar when it comes to exercise. But I can't do the thing that matters most - stick with a healthy diet to lose weight. I can give myself a B+ for effort but really, who am I kidding? I suck at this. I've made ZERO progress in two years. None, in 24+ months.