Saturday, June 5, 2010

NROL4W - Stage 2 - Saturday - Active Recovery

I went for a bike ride this morning. Just over 5 miles in just under 40 minutes. I burned 244 calories. I really need to practice biking. I'm really slow, but I enjoyed it.

The day started off well enough, but by pre-lunch, I thought I'd blown it. I ate a normal breakfast after my bike ride, drank my first 40 ounces of water, and went off to exchange a pair of shorts and look for a pool cover. It ended up being  a pain in the ass back and forth morning looking for the cover and some specific cleaner my husband wanted. By the time I finished all that, never even finding a pool cover, I was hungry and cranky and so was my son. He suggested Subway. I reluctantly agreed, then said screw it. I got a footlong Spicy Italian sub. I figured I'd eat half of it, and take the other half home for later. The stupid things was so darn good, I ate the entire 1200 calorie mistake right there, all before 11 AM. So I grumbled about that and told myself since I'd blown it, I was going home and having ice cream. Lots of ice cream.

Fortunately, by the time I got to the produce stand, I talked some sense into myself. I don't have any weekly or activity points left, so I was going to try to stick to filling foods, and mostly vegetables and fruit. That lasted all of 2 hours. Then I ate quite a bit of crap. Bad, bad crap.

I'm getting desperate. I cannot control this. It's not a boredom issue, though I do better during the week when I'm at work. And that scares the hell out of me because I only have 3 more days of work. Even if I'm busy, I'm thinking about food. I never should have bought that damn sub this morning. I knew it was a bad idea, but I was hungry. And I'd just eaten 2 hours before - protein and fat, so I should have been satisfied. But I rarely am.

I hate this. I keep telling myself,  "At least you don't give up." Because I don't. I stick with it, whatever this is. I'm still trying. And I keep telling myself, "You're very consistent about your workouts." Because I am. I am a freaking rockstar when it comes to exercise. But I can't do the thing that matters most - stick with a healthy diet to lose weight. I can give myself a B+ for effort but really, who am I kidding? I suck at this. I've made ZERO progress in two years. None, in 24+ months.


AK said...

Hey Becky, I do the same thing. The food is the biggest hurdle for me. I am consistent and killer with my workouts. I eat pretty lean during the week, but then the weekend hits and I dive bomb. It's very frustrating, I understand.

But don't give up on yourself.
You do great during the week. You do great on weekends. Your workouts look really good. You really kick it into high gear.

I read your blog because it motivates me to work hard and eat clean. I cheer for your little victories like portion control and only eating one sweet treat because I have the same little victories.

Keep up the good work.

Becky said...

Thanks. It's really hard some days. Since I started blogging, I don't think I have ever been this low and unmotivated. Certainly when I weighed 190 pounds, I cared as little as I do now. But I'm not ready to give up just yet!

Jess said...

You've made progress. You are always doing your workouts and you are always able to steer yourself back on track. Everyone has bad days, weeks, months but your bad spells don't last long and you recognize your triggers, mistakes, and do your best to avoid those again. Sure, it doesn't always happen, but you're constantly trying new tactics and sticking with things that work so don't beat yourself up for a few bumps in the road every now and then.

I agree w/AK though. You truly are an inspiration, whether your know it or agree with it or not. Stick with it. Just remember that you have successfully kept off 60 lbs. for quite a bit longer than most binge eaters would have. You are doing great, hon! :)