I'm so fucking over dieting - Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach - making it a lifestyle. I just can't do it anymore. I'm tired of stressing about calories and points and carbs and fat. It's sucking all the pleasure out of food, and then when I do eat something especially pleasurable, I feel supreme guilt and think, "screw it!" and binge. I'm just tired of it. Yesterday, I quit tracking my points and just went with it. I skipped ice cream and a bunch of other junk that would have driven me nuts not to have had I been counting points.
I've figured out that my problem isn't knowing how much to eat or knowing what to eat. It's knowing when to eat and knowing how to stop. I'm not willing to give up carbs or fat or treats or red meat or pickyourpoison. I just want to eat what I need and enjoy it. For the last four years, I've been stressing over diet and I can't do it anymore. Sure, it has to be a lifestyle but I can't follow someone else's rules and guidelines. I can't live within the confines of 29 points per day and 49 points per week. I can't take being upset over only burning 200 calories after busting my ass for 45-60 minutes. I JUST CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE! So I quit. I give up. I am done trying to lose weight.
Instead, there are things I need to work on:
Eating when genuinely hungry.
Stop eating when I'm physically satisfied. (I am rarely mentally satisfied.)
Eating complete meals, rather than snacking.
coffee w/ skim milk
cheese sticks - This is an example of what I mean by not snacking. Instead of taking the time to make a proper breakfast, I just grabbed these.
apple - Again with the snack.
salad w/ tuna fish & light dressing
red pepper slices & celery - See? I'm snacky.
stuffed pork chops w/ green beans & rye bread - Ugh. I ate some of the leftover stuffing while I was making the pork chops. And then I definitely ate too much.
I noticed that after I ate dinner, I kept wanting something else to eat. I had to stop and ask myself if I was really hungry. I wasn't, and I knew it, but still, part of my mind was telling me, "Have some cereal." I almost bought a candy bar at the store, and changed my mind at the last minute. I did have a small bite of the one I bought for my son, though. It's taking everything in me not to turn this into a free-for-all, but it's not as agonizing as not having something because I shouldn't, or don't have enough points for it. I know it's going to get harder and there will be times when I can't control the urge.