Tough Love by Tony Horton

This is a transcript from a Tony Horton chat, and I think it's a good reminder to just shut up and stop making excuses. I've really been needing to hear this. I cleaned up the formatting a bit.



Alright, sit back, and relax. Let's go over a couple of things. There seems to be a general lack of willpower, and there also seems to be, like cani said, poor planning. Showing up to a party hungry, never a good idea, you're screwed.

Now I could sit here and I could tell you little tips about how to help you control your eating habits, improve the quality of your food, and I do it week after week, month after month,year after year and it seems like the same people (I know who you are - you know who you are) continue to just let food win. Am I correct?

I mean, you do the programs, and you come into the chat rooms and you go into message boards  and you're part of the community and you have been for years, and you lose some weight, and gain it back  then you lose some more, and gain back more, and it's just a cycle that continues.  Sometimes you take it seriously, sometimes you don't. Blah, blah, blah!

Sad, boring and pathetic, really...You blame it on your parents and you blame it on work and you blame it on stress and you blame it on poor planning, or on the weather or lack of sleep and you sort of take the blame, but not enough to make any changes. I mean, if it doesn't matter cuz apparently it doesn't cuz if it did this would no longer be a problem for most of you. But the sad fact of the matter is, you know what to do! It's not like this company is selling you some silly weight loss diet program that is asking you to eat funky portions of stupid food for the rest of your life. You have temptations and you succumb to them. Period.

Now my job tonight is not to sit here and point fingers and call you names, and say that you are losers. But it's time for a little tough love people. As some of you know, I'm 50 and life is extraordinarily short. I feel like I've lived 10 lives already and as we all get older, it doesn't get any easier, unless we do the right thing. Succumbing to temptation based on outside influences and influences inside our heads just makes life such a dull boring frustrating drag. Ick!

Is this what we want? Is this good enough? Is it? But what the hell you gonna do about it? Because change is a bitch man. But if you want the life that I think you think you deserve, then you have to do the opposite of what you're doing.  Cuz I gotta say, when I show up to events (Team Beachbody events or camps) and I see people who used to be fit who aren't, I just think, what happened? And I know the economy is rough and things happen in life that are brutal, but since when does food solve any of our problems? It makes things worse! We need something to make us feel good for 10 seconds, but all it's doing is making our situation worse!

[lisaerin82] Tony - how did you get into fitness? What keeps you going day in and day out? Do you take 'breaks' throughout the year?

Lisa, good question. Which ties into this topic. Because I have to! Because you have to! Because the alternative sucks! Many people in this chat room know that it’s too vital, it's too important. It makes life so much better. Not to do it makes for a lesser life. So if you don't mind your lesser life keep on eating crap based on all your lame excuses. I got into fitness because I wanted to look better, I stayed in fitness because I like feeling better. I like the quality of my life to improve, because I understand that exercise and eating right does that. I like being fit and I like being healthy. I understand the importance of those things. I also understand that to achieve them, I have to eat right and exercise at least 6 days a week.

My poor eating has diminished less and less over the last few months. I've almost cut chocolate out. Which is hard for me. I notice that when I get to that rough patch of 2 or 3 weeks when I'm trying to get off of any kind of a particular bad food habit the cravings go away and I feel better more often. I sleep better. My digestion is better. My energy is up. My moods are upbeat and positive more often.

BTW, for those of you that are struggling with your diet (which I know is probably more than 11 of you) if you notice you're struggling in life, guess what? That struggle comes with what you put in your mouth first, not visa versa. One causes the other. It's not coincidence that your wack diet is part of your wack life. Everybody read me? Hearing me? Feeling me? Anybody think I'm talking to them directly? How does that feel? Kinda crappy, right? As Dr. Phil would say, "How's that working out for you?"

When this chat is over tonight I want you to walk away with some thoughts in your head that might not exist after a normal chat. One thought or question I should say is... What am I gonna do about it? Because right now you're not doing anything. You're just letting life push you around. Super lean, super ripped, super healthy, super strong people do everything right. People that are pretty ripped, pretty healthy, pretty strong, do most things right people that are not overweight, not unhealthy, but look okay do about half of the important things right. I could keep going but you understand where I'm headed.

3 months ago, I was doing my 90/10% plan and that was pretty good, you know, 6 pack, etc. But when I cleaned it up more, I'm just leaner and I feel better. It worked for me and I don't miss the chocolate. You kids need a plan. Anybody want a plan right now? Free of charge? Now this plan is so simple it's gonna freak you out! You have your pieces of paper and writing utensils ready?

At the top of a piece of paper write this:
I, [write your own name], hereby declare that I will follow the Tony Horton food plan for the next 30 days. I'm gonna give you kids the hard core version not modified versions of the food plan. Okay, pick up your pencils again.

#1 For the next 30 days I will not eat white bread or anything made with enriched flour or processed flour, Snickers bars. Done! Out! Gone! Bye bye! See ya later! No mas! Sayonara! Got it? Get it? Do it!

#2 I will greatly reduce my dairy intake. And for some of you no more dairy! Get it? Do it! No more pizza with a ton of cheese! No more milk! No more ice cream! Gone! Out! Go buy some almond milk or rice milk. Or I'll smack ya.

#3 No more carbonated beverages. No more Pepsi. No more Coke. No more 7 Up. No more Sprite. No more Dr. Pepper. No more Diet Pepsi. No more Diet Coke. No more Zero Coke. No more Mountain Dew. None!

#4 Water and tea only! If you're a coffee psycho, 1 cup a day. Shut up and do it!

#5 At least 2 of your meals a day there'd better be vegetables on your plate. 1 meal a day, there'd better be fruit. Do it!

#6 Here's how you're getting your protein. Nuts, beans, fish, turkey, and chicken. That's it! Shut up and do it! Get off the red meat for a while. Off! I don't care about lean red meat. Just get off of it!

#7 For the first 2 weeks of your 30 day plan, write it down! Write it down! Every morsel!

"Oh, but Tony, that's so hard, it takes time, what if I forget a pen? What if I've lost my pad of paper to write down what I've eaten? Does that mean I have to write down everything in my salad? What if there's avocado, peppers, mushrooms, nuts, in different kinds of salad, do I have to write it all down?"

Shut up you whiny little bitcher! If you want to live large and you want this microscopically short life of yours to be worth showing up for then you'll make a plan. You'll do what I say and things will be good! Or you'll keep doing what you've been doing and then you'll just be what you are right now, or worse. Okay?

This country has turned into pre-Rome, and the empire's about to collapse. The only way we can begin to turn it around is to start taking care of ourselves first, so that we have the energy and enthusiasm to take care of the rest of the crap that is going south in our lives. Poor eating habits and lack of physical movement has turned the vast majority of us into whiny little cry baby losers. Far too many people are living in this state of quiet desperation.

It's like Joe the Plumber...Good grief! The guy, and not to get political, because it's not political at all. Here's a guy pretending to be a plumber when he's actually an unlicensed contractor who does plumbing, proclaiming that he has the money to buy this $250,000 plumbing business, when in actuality the plumbing business is actually a $100,000 plumbing business. He still owes back taxes and he makes less than $40k a year. Joe is making things up to make a point. So Joe the Plumber needs to read law #5. Get real Joe!

We have to stop pretending that life is something other than what is actually happening to us. The point I'm trying to make for those of you that are still a little confused is that we have to take control of our lives. The one that is happening, not the pretend one. We have to take control of our eating. We have to stop the fantasy version and start believing in the real one. We have to stop pretending that things are going to get better because we just bought a new crystal, or our palm reading went well, or somebody else'll do it for us, or if we just hope or pray it'll get better on its own. Good grief! If you are not happy, it's because of you! It's just you. You and no one else. Not your husband, not your wife. Not God. Not your parents. Not your work. Not the weather. None of it. It's you and the information or lack thereof, inside your brain. The more you know, the more you can do.

I can get in here and show you little tricks about how to eat better or do pushups on your knees but the fact of the matter is success is a deeper more profound look within. Are you with me people? Can you dig it? If you stick with the simple pieces to that puzzle or that plan, weight will come flying off. Your body will change. I don't want you to count calories. I would like you to eat smaller meals. I would like you to not eat a couple hours before you go to bed. I also want to say that there's a list in life. The good life list, things like:

Getting 7 1/2 to 8 hours of sleep. It's not like you have to pass an exam to know how to do that.

Exercise 5-6 days a week. It's not like you have to ask for permission from someone else. You just do it!

Eating fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein and not all the other garbage is how you stay healthy. That’s not rocket science.

You know, stuff like brush your damn teeth twice a day. Floss once in a while. Don't blow out your credit card so you can't pay it off. Choose patience over rage. Be in the moment. Enjoy the journey. Don't be attached to the outcome. Don't sweat the small stuff, because it's all small stuff. Open the door. Try new things. Change is good. Surround yourself with like-minded, upbeat, good humored people.

Okay, here's the book of the week. It's called "made to stick." This book will help you formulate new habits, that stick. The amazing thing about exercise and eating well...the outcome. If you're consistent. It's the same for everyone. I know I got on my box nice and tall here today but I just hate seeing smart people make the same mistakes over and over again. It's got to be frustrating. When it come to health and fitness (in general) there’s 3 groups of people.

The first group is, people who don't know better. They haven't come across this information yet. They're still buying into Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Herbal Life and other programs that work as long as you use them. But I don't know anybody who's been doing Weight Watchers for 15 years. They’re "weight loss only" products that are temporary fixes. These same folks are buying stupid ab chairs, ab lounges and some rotating pushup stands. This stuff is supposed to change your entire body? Give me a break! They don't know better so they get to be stuck.

Then there's Category 2. People that come here and understand that exercise has to happen 5-6 days a week. Variety works! There has to be intensity and consistency. These people also understand that healthy food is part of the equation. When folks in Category 2 discover this information they understand it's importance like air and water and live it.

Far too many people (there are some of you that are in this chat room) are in Category 3 .People who know better but aren't willing to apply the information. It's like knowing how to breathe but deciding to constantly hold your breath to be miserable. It's such a bummer. This group of people are the saddest of all. Not from my perspective, but from their own. Does this sound like it makes sense to anyone in here?

So we know our plan, correct? We know what to do, right? We're gonna do it right? Why not? The end result will be awesome! You can all have what I have and I'm not that smart. I just follow the rules. I'm like Scott Fifer. Just follow the rules. Alright, kids, that's it!
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That's it, I'm out!

P90X - Week 13 - Sunday - FINAL MEASUREMENTS

So here is the moment of truth. The day I've been dreading since the halfway point of the program when most of my measurements were up. Today, I am comparing only my before and after measurements.

Neck: -0.25 inches
Bust: -1.25 inches
Rib/Bra band: -1.5 inches
Waist (across the belly button): +1 inch
Lower abdomen (where all my fat is): +0.5 inches
Hips: +0.5 inches
Thighs: (right) no change (left) +0.25 inches
Calves: (right & left) -0.25 inches
Biceps (flexed): no change
Triceps: (right) +0.25 inches (left) -0.25 inches
Forearms: (right) no change (left) -0.25 inches
Wrists: (right) no change (left) -0.25 inches
Weight: no change
BMI: no change

Remember back before I started, the post I made about body fat measurements? I did the same thing this time around and got various measurements. On the web sites that rely on tape measure data, the body fat percentages were higher - 24% and 26%. The average of those is 25%, which is what I get using my 1-site test with the Accu-Measure calipers. The 3-point and 7-point tests from rustyiron.net gave me a body fat of 19%. I wish I'd kept my caliper measurements from my start date because then, my body fat was around 31%! I am for sure keeping this set of measurements to compare. The other two spreadsheets I used to calculate body fat gave me 24% and 32% today. I honestly don't know what to call it. Last time, I just averaged everything. The average of my start date body fat was 29%. Today's average is 24.3%.

I think the problem is how my husband measures with the calipers. When I do them, I get bigger numbers, closer to what the other methods are giving me. I think he's measuring wrong, not pinching enough. I really, really need to have a professional show him how to use these things. However...the measurements were done the same way both times. I did my tape measure stuff and my husband did the calipers. So I think it's fair to say there is a downward trend, at the very least, which is what we want.

Oh, the U.S. Navy Circumference Method (which also uses the tape measure) gives me a body fat percentage of 32. I did not use that in my start date set, so I didn't include it in the average above.

The latest set of pictures is available, at the end of the page. There are the before pictures, the half-way pictures, and the after pictures. I don't see much difference. I don't feel much difference. But I think the good stuff was in my Fit Test, and I can live with that. I have to get my diet under control. The exercise program doesn't matter. It's the food.

P90X - Week 13 - Saturday - FIT TEST RESULTS

Well, Judgment Day has arrived. Today I did my Fit Test. I must make note of two things before I get to it. First, the instructions on the Fit Test say to use a wide, overhand grip for the pull ups. When I took my first test, I did not use a very wide grip because of the way the grips on my bar are positioned and the (lack of length) of my arms. I can't even reach the grips very well - if I had just a straight bar, I could have picked a more in-between distance. Alas, the pull ups on the Fit Tests are based on the same grip, just not the exact one specified. Second, the instructions for the bicep curls say not to go more than one second between reps. My husband told me that means I needed to do each rep within a second. NO. It means I can't pause longer than 1 second between reps. I can go as slow or as fast as I want. I could have done quite a few more reps in my initial test if I'd done it the right way. So the improvements in bicep curls may be skewed.

Here's how the Fit Test works. First, take your resting heart rate. With a heart rate monitor, just turn it on and lie still for 2 minutes. Record your heart rate. I left mine on for 3 minutes and took the average. If you don't have a heart rate monitor, rest for 2-3 minutes, then take your pulse from wrist or neck, counting beats for 30 seconds and multiplying by 2 for beats per minute.

Then, my resting heart rate was 58 bpm. Today, my resting heart rate was 58 bpm. So, no change there.

Pull ups: Warm up for 10 minutes with light cardio, until you build up a light sweat, then stretch lightly. Using wide grip & palms facing away, pull from hanging position until chin is above bar. Lower back to full hang. Repeat to failure.

Then, I was able to do 3/4 of a pull up. Today, I did 1, and really got some height to it! I did go for a second, but only made it about a quarter of the way up. Still, 1 is good for that particular grip.

Vertical Leap: Rest for 1 minute. Stand sideways with shoulder against the wall and raise arm straight overhead against wall. Record height. Then lower the arm and take one step back and jump straight up, trying to touch the highest point on the wall. Record height. Subtract second number from first number.

Then, my vertical leap was 10 inches. Today, my vertical leap was 11.75 inches.

Push ups: Rest for 4 minutes. Put pillow on floor to make contact with chest with each rep. Do normal or knee push ups to failure.

Then, I did 23 push ups on my toes. Today, I did 37 push ups on my toes.

Toe touch: Rest for 4 minutes. Sit on the floor with legs extended directly in front of you. Bend forward at the waist and extend arms over legs toward toes. Don't bend knees. See how close you can get fingertips to toes. If not able to reach, measure the distance between your fingertips and your toes (-). If able to reach beyond toes, measure how much further fingers reach beyond toes (+). Do not strain or force.

Then, my distance was +2.5 inches. Today, it was +5.0 inches.

Wall squat (the worst bitch of them all): Place back flat against wall and lower into seated chair position (knees over toes at 90 degrees). Start timer as soon as you are in this position. Stay in position until failure. Do not place hands on wall or "scoot" with shoulders. You can slide down but once butt touches floor, you're done.

Then, I was able to hold the squat for 79 seconds. Today, I held it for 129 seconds.

Bicep Curls: Rest for 4 minutes. Use 20 lbs minimum (male) or 8 lbs minimum (female). Extend arms straight down in front of body. Be sure that arms are fully extended in between each curl. Using both arms at the same time, perform as many curls as you can until failure. Don't rock or cheat and don't take longer than 1 second between reps.

Then, I did 13 reps at 15 pounds. Today, I did 23 reps at 15 pounds.

In & Outs: Rest for 3 minutes. Starting position: seated with hands on the floor at your sides, knees bent with feet on the floor. Raise feet off the ground and bring knees toward chest. Straighten legs back out and repeat the movement without touching the floor.

Then, I did 35 in & outs. Today, I did 70.

Heart rate maximizer: Rest for 4 minutes. Perform jumping jacks nonstop for 2 minutes at a quick and steady pace. During the final 30 seconds, go as fast as you can to maximize your heart rate. When you finish, be prepared to measure your heart rate over a span of 4 minutes.

This is where things got weird. Here are the (then) and [now] values for the four minutes:
immediately after jacks (161) [161]
after 1 minute (116) [115]
after 2 minutes (88) [90]
after 3 minutes (82) [80]
after 4 minutes (72) [81]

My heart rate actually went up as time went on today. I think it was because I was watching the numbers like a hawk and really anxious! So this is the ONLY area I did not show improvements. My heart rate normally drops pretty rapidly after a workout, so yeah, I'm going to blame it on nerves. For tomorrow, I'll have my final stats and pictures (which are already done), and hopefully the bonus fun numbers.

P90X - Week 13 - Friday

I AM SOFA KING DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did Core Synergistics this morning, then decided to go ahead and get my last yoga workout out of the way. I did not do push ups with the vinyasas (because I had just done all the push ups in Core) and I had a hard time with crane (again, because of Core) but I did well. I didn't nail the twisting half moon like I'd hoped, but I'll get that eventually. I have no plans to stop doing yoga. I really, really wanted to get my Fit Test out of the way, too, but thought better of it. I will need very fresh arms. So I will do it tomorrow night, along with pictures, and post all of that on Sunday. I'll also have some just-for-fun math: how many push ups & pull ups I've done, how much total weight I've lifted, per-exercise improvement over time. Lots of stuff that is just keeping me busy with a pencil and a calculator.

Food was much, much better today. Not stellar, but nothing to cry about, for sure. I even resisted the new mint M&Ms I bought for my cookies for next week. I'm going to post a list (with links) of the recipes once I get everything baked (next week). The problem is going to be storing everything (my refrigerator and new freezer are full) until I finish baking all 13 double batches and prepping it for distribution. I'm giving some to my mom, some to my son's teachers, and some to the front office at the school. And of course, lots to my belly.

P90X - Week 13 - Thursday

I did some X Stretch today and boy did I need it!! Ever since Core Synergistics on Tuesday, my lower back has had a bit of an ache to it. I don't know if I used some bad form (not likely) or I'm just not used to that workout (likely).

Food wasn't all that great today. I'm beyond caring.

P90X - Week 13 - Wednesday

Today was my last Kenpo workout. I burned 342 calories. It was fun, but I was tired.

Food is still decent. I ate too much homemade deer jerky though.

I've been working all day on spreadsheets for next year. I'm rushed - sorry!

P90X - Week 13 - Tuesday

I got up early to do Core Synergistics. It went well. As usual, that workout kicks my butt - probably because I only do it twice a month.

Food was okay today. No binges, no major junk (I did have some pretzels & a bite of my son's toaster pastry).

P90X - Week 13 - Monday

I was just going to make this a week-long post because I didn't think I'd really have anything to day. I don't, not of importance, but I still need a space to sort out all the crap in my head about my diet. I know I screwed up badly. I think I am over the hump though (for now - I have to accept that I will never not have this problem). I ate cleaner today. I didn't weigh or measure or even track but there was no junk. It was a lot of food, but fairly clean.

As it is Recovery Week, today's workout was Yoga X. I had every intention of doing it at 5 AM, but I did not sleep last night and I just didn't have the energy to do it at that time. I waited until I drank some coffee and finished cleaning my house. By that time, I had my second wind and was able to get through it. I really put a lot of effort into the first half and managed just about everything, including a good portion of the twisting half moon. My crane pose was fantastic. Not the full minute but I get stronger and can hold it longer every time. My hamstring stretches were great. I'm looking forward to that part of the Fit Test on Sunday.

P90X - Week 12 - Sunday

X Stretch today, but I did it without the dvd. Tony yaps too much.

Not much to say, other than I've been cleaning all day and I'm in a really pissy mood.

P90X - Week 12 - Saturday

I had a fantastic Kenpo workout today (362 calories burned)! I almost did Kenpo Cardio+ from the P90X+ series but changed my mind because I want to stick to the schedule as much as possible. I've slacked off a bit on Doubles this past week, but I've been cleaning and will continue to do that, along with trying to squeeze a little extra cardio in during my last week. Not that it will matter - I'm up four pounds from my starting weight.

I haven't mentioned him in a while, but I'm a huge fan of Craig Ballantyne. He recently did an interview with Tony Horton. It's a great listen. Tony talks about how he got started in he fitness business, and how he's evolved. He touches on nutrition, which I really made sure to pay attention to, but it's nothing we don't already know, so it doesn't solve my problem. Heck, I don't even know what my problem is. I don't think it's motivational. I'm motivated. Maybe I'm just an impulsive moron. But anyway, if you don't want to download the mp3, you can read the interview on Craig's blog, but I don't think all parts are up yet.

P90X - Week 12 - Friday

I did my final Ab Ripper X and Legs & Back workouts today. I can't believe the hard part is over. Well, I am not a fan of Recovery Week and I still have to get through that and another Fit Test. But for the most part, it's over. Now I get to be Math Geek and play with numbers to see what I've done. I already calculated how many ARX reps I've done - 10470. And I am pleased to say I did break through my goal of 100 pull ups - I did 108 today.

I still need to figure out what I'm going to do about my horrible eating. I know all the strategies for not making bad choices. I have goals and can picture what I want my body to look like. And I still fail. I really do want to continue with Weight Watchers. Like I've said before - the eating plan itself is not the problem. The whole "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" saying is bunk. Nothing tastes as good as Death By Chocolate ice cream on a double chocolate brownie. Or a spicy chicken pizza with double mozzarella. So that strategy just won't work for me. I don't buy into it at all. So I need to figure out what I do buy into.

P90X - Week 12 - Thursday

I woke up this morning, feeling like hell. I've had some sinus pressure lately that won't go away not matter what I do. I've tried medicines, steam, neti pot - nada! I don't know if it's a cold or allergies. I have a cough but I think it's due to post-nasal drip, rather than anything else. No fever, no headache unless the sinus pressure is bad. Nights are worse than the day. So when I woke up this morning, I wanted to push Yoga X to Sunday. Then I thought I'd do it Saturday, and do Kenpo on Sunday. Then I thought I'd try to just rest for a bit and do Yoga X later in the day. Finally, I just got off my butt and did the damn yoga. At times, it was hard to do the breathing right, and I was off my game so my moves weren't as steady as they normally are. I have two more shots at nailing this next wee. I will say, today's Crane was pretty darn good.

I don't even know what to say about food. I am so frustrated with myself. I've spent the last six months not in definite weight loss mode that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Every day, I go back and forth - do I want to lose more or do I want to maintain? All this indecision is causing me to make crappy choices. I want to lose more weight, after all. I wish there was a plan I could actually stick with. No matter what I do, I still eat crap (sometimes lots of it). I don't understand this weakness. I am not eating out of boredom or lack of planning or lack of healthy food on hand. It's not a matter of not buying crap. I have stuff in the house often that I don't even think about, but I'll go buy some other crap when the mood strikes.

P90X - Week 12 - Wednesday

Ab Ripper X and Back & Biceps today. I totally rocked my workout. I was up in weights or reps, and even pulled a few unassisted towel pull ups out of my ass.

Food is not going well. I just can't stop eating crap. I don't know why I can't eat the way I work out. It's pissing me off, to be honest.

P90X - Week 12 - Tuesday

Last night was an intense battle of wills. It was me vs. the toaster strudel. Me - 1, junk - 0. Then it was me vs. the crackers. Me - 2, junk - 0. Finally, it was me vs. Fiber One toaster pastries. Final score: me - 3, junk - 0. It sucked. Truly.

Today was my last Plyometrics workout. I brought it, and burned 416 calories. I know I bitch about Plyo all the time, but it's a keeper. I don't think I want to do it every week, but I won't leave it out of my bag of tricks.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana

applesauce cookies

omelet w/ onion, green pepper & salsa, light English muffin w/ jelly

fish sandwich

venison & vegetable soup

bunch of crap...

Four cups of coffee an 80 ounces of water.

P90X - Week 12 - Monday

It's the return of Ab Ripper X. It was nice not to have to do it last week (since I did it during the previous Recovery Week). I also did Chest, Shoulders & Triceps. I'll be honest - I did not work as hard as I could have. I was absolutely uninterested in doing P90X today. The only reason I pushed through is because it's the last week of weights. So the light at the end of the tunnel is what keeps me going.

I'm also ravenous today! Seriously, I ate twice before I even worked out. It's going to be a crappy week, food-wise. I've already got it in my head that Thanksgiving (and the lack of extra, proper cardio this week) is messing me up. So, I'll have fewer activity points, different food options (more about my menu in a minute), and a lack of motivation. In my head, that's all permission to just screw it, but in reality, it should be all the more reason for me to buckle down and eat well. This is the battle I'll be facing the next 5 weeks. This week, I'm not even going to bother with keeping track of points. I'm going to try to be good, but I'm not sure I even want to be.

My menu! We're just staying home for Thanksgiving, and my husband actually won't even be here. He's going hunting, and won't get home until way after dark. We discussed it and decided we did not want a traditional Thanksgiving feast. After lots of back and forth and many menu changes, I've decided to make it a Hell's Kitchen Thanksgiving. We're huge fans of Gordon Ramsay and his shows, so I picked some items off the menu from the Hell's Kitchen competition. So far, I have risotto, wellington (venison, not beef), and chocolate souffle. The only thing on that list I have ever made is risotto, and I don't even make true risotto - I make an easy version. But anyway, I'm going to give that all a shot. I'd like to have one more dish, but I'm not sure what. It's hard finding the menus from the show.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana

apple & cottage cheese

omelet w/ onions, green pepper, cheese & salsa, light English muffin w/ jelly

salad w/ sliced turkey, green peppers & light ranch dressing

whole grain spaghetti w/ venison meatballs & onion gravy, homemade garlic bread, half a cookie (I won't say how big the cookie was)

garden vegetable medley; Okay, the cookie was a bad idea. All I wanted after I ate it was more junk.

Two cups of coffee and 80 ounces of water.

P90X - Week 11 - Sunday

I did a little X Stretch today, or as I prefer to call it - Snooze-A-Palooza. It was regularly scheduled and I still have one to make up. I will probably do that on Tuesday.

Week 12 is going to be different. Instead of doing extra cardio, I'm going to deep clean my house. I really need to do it now, because I want to offer a bunch of Christmas stuff (trees, lights, ornaments, etc.) on Freecycle. I also want to go through Sebastian's toys and books, getting rid of the things he doesn't use any more. Then I need to start getting ready for the holidays. My father-in-law is coming down for Christmas, and I need to redo my kitchen to prep for all the baking I have planned. I am going overboard on the cookies and bars (double batches of 11 recipes), but I don't care. Baking goodies is the only think I like about Christmas and damn it, I am going to enjoy it.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana [4 pts]

omelet w/ onion, cheese & salsa, light English muffin w/ jelly [6 pts]

fudge baby [2 pts]

chicken breast salad w/ light sour cream & salsa [6 pts]

roasted venison & couscous [7 pts]

apple & cottage cheese [5 pts]

Four cups of coffee [1 pt] and 20 ounces of water. Yeah, I sucked with the water.

31 points today. 0 weekly and 6 activity points to waste.

P90X - Week 11 - Saturday

Today was Plyometrics, since I couldn't do it Tuesday and did Kenpo instead. It doesn't bother me to jump anymore. I worked harder than I have in a while, probably since Phase 3 started. I burned 408 calories (earning 4 Activity Points). It was fun and exhausting. Since Thanksgiving is next week, I'm going to be thankful that I won't have to do this workout again after Tuesday!

I also did my dive bomber push ups that I skipped on Monday. My body is feeling pretty much 100% so I can stretch and put pressure on my belly now. I'm still paranoid that I'm going to get pregnant. I just can't win.

apple & cottage cheese [3 pts]

turkey & bacon w/ lettuce, onion, green pepper, light mayo & pepper jack cheese on flat bread, apple slices [12 pts]; We went to Subway for lunch. It wasn't really all that filling and I was still hungry an hour later.

carrot sticks & green pepper slices w/ avocado hummus [1 pt]

applesauce cookies [4 pts]; I have a huge jar of unsweetened applesauce and I wanted to get in the mood for holiday baking, so I gave these a shot. I've never had them before. They are good, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of apple desserts. My son will eat them, for sure.

banana [1 pt]

omelet w/ onion, green pepper, cheese & salsa, light English muffin w/ jelly [6 pts]

peppermint patty [3 pts]; I am really proud of myself. I stood in the checkout line at the store forever - I had no choice but to stare at the candy. I really wanted a king size peanut butter anything, but controlled myself and made a rational purchase of 1 peppermint patty.

garden vegetable medley [2 pts]; I passed on a toaster strudel and a grilled cheese sandwich and picked the smarter option. Still, I feel like a pig.

Three cups of coffee [0 pts] and 80 ounces of water.

32 points today. 0 weekly and 17 activity points remaining.

P90X - Week 11 - Friday

Legs and Back this morning (2 Activity Points, but I really should take 3). I am so close to breaking 100 pull ups. I'm up to 20 unassisted chin/pull ups. I'm going to break 100 next week. I am sure of it. I also did my 4 mile walk (309 calories burned, 3 Activity Points). I don' know why the numbers are so high today as compared to others the last week. I was walking quite a bit faster (completed it in under an hour) and against a vicious wind. Yeah, that sounds good :p

I don't know what the deal is but my belly is really bloated, even more than it was when I left the hospital. In the last two days, my pants are suddenly tighter and it's annoying the crap out of me. My throat is also sore again. That's the most annoying of all.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana [4 pts]

omelet w/ onion, green pepper, cheese & salsa [6 pts]

chicken breast w/ barbecue sauce, carrots & green pepper slices w/ avocado hummus [5 pts]

fudge baby [2 pts]

mixed vegetables [1 pt]

venison tenderloin & garden vegetable medley [7 pts]

Four cups of coffee [1 pt] and 80 ounces of water.

26 points today. 5 weekly and 20 activity points remaining.

P90X - Week 11 - Thursday

Yoga this morning (2 Activity Points). I didn't stretch my core too much during the upward dogs and such. My incisions have healed nicely but I am still trying to take it a bit easier than normal. I was able to do Yoga Belly 7 with no problems (other than hating it as usual). And I swear, I am never going to get that twisting half moon crap down. After yoga, I took about a 4 mile walk (224 calories burned). Between the two, I earned 4 Activity Points.

I'm having a bit of a problem with food. I swear, I am a bipolar eater. I either don't care and eat everything in sight, or I panic and try to stay within my daily points, and not touch my weeklies or my APs!! It's ridiculous because I know I'm supposed to eat at least the weekly points. I definitely think I should be eating my APs because Weight Watchers doesn't give me enough points (IMO, of course - I don't think the calorie deficit should be so big). I also don't think I get enough activity. I'm a total contradictory mess right now. I'd like to lose a few more pounds (I'd be perfectly content to lose only 5 more), but I also want to bulk. I can't bulk on Weight Watchers, I know that. But I cannot go back to counting calories. I just can't. It makes me nuts. And in order to get enough calorie to bulk, I'd need to know how much I'm eating. I don't want to overdo it. Damn, damn, damn. I hate when I get my head like this, especially when I know damn well that it's all going to fall apart with the holidays. I'm not even going to say I'll try to be good. I say that every year. The only part of the stupid holidays I like is the sweets. I have 11 different treats planned out. Maybe I should make it 12 for the 12 Days of Christmas. I want to make lots and lots of goodies to give out to my son's teachers, and to my own mouth. I should have named this blog "I don't know what the hell I want!" I love thinking, prepping, and eating in terms of points - it makes life so much easier. But I'm just always so hungry.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana [4 pts]

omelet w/ onion, green pepper, cheese & salsa, light English muffin w/ jelly [5 pts]

chicken salad [4 pts]

fudge babies [4 pts]; Portion control with these sucks.

broiled tilapia parmesan & broccoli in cheese sauce [6 pts]; This fish was fantastic! I'd leave out the celery salt though.

fudge babies [4 pts]

apple & cottage cheese [3 pts]

Four cups of coffee [1 pt] and 80 ounces of water.

31 points today. 11 weekly and 15 activity points remaining.

P90X - Week 11 - Wednesday

I got in about a 4 mile walk this morning. It wasn't as quick as normal. It takes me a while to get warmed up, for some reason (probably a little gas left over from my tubal), and I get a stitch in my sternum. It goes away after a while, but I did take it easy anyway. I walked for 62 minutes and burned 194 calories (2 Activity Points). I came home, rested for about 15 minutes, then did Shoulders & Arms (2 Activity Points). It whooped me. I've made progress on paper but it always feels like I'm not getting any stronger. I'm working on a chart that shows my progress for all the workouts - I'll post that on the last day when I post my final stats and Fit Test results.

Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, banana [4 pts]

apple & cottage cheese [3 pts]

chicken salad w/ light sour cream & salsa [4 pts]

carrot sticks [0 pts]

venison meat loaf & garden medley vegetables [6 pts]

fudge baby [4 pts]; I discovered this gem on a raw vegan blog. I have never, to my recollection, had a (fruit) date before so I was a bit skeptical. I am no longer a skeptic.

garden medley vegetables [2 pts]; These Green Giant steamer things are awesome!

Two cups of coffee [0 pts] and 80 ounces of water.

25 points today. 22 weekly and 11 activity points remaining.