78 Days

So Melty had a brilliant idea with regards to my coffee. She has been doing this forever and I look to her for guidance in trying nutritional and fitness times. Her assertion is that my workouts aren't really moderate and that the Weight Watchers FitPoints are geared toward cardo-based activities. Her suggestion was to drink my coffee and not eat my FitPoints. COFFEE CREAMER POINTS ARE FAKE POINTS!!!! She also reminded me to start taking the creatine and I will do that next week. I just need to figure out what to take it with. I was reading juice, but I want to find a juice that isn't too Point-y because I can only have so many fake points. I will still include my points in my counts each day but for the most part, I am going to pretend they don't exist for now. I am going to slowly transition from creamer to milk. That will cut down on the points significantly - a cup of whole milk is 7 points, whereas a cup of creamer is 31. I guess I will be looking for some sugar free syrups.

I moved my workout to tomorrow morning. My whole day was jacked up but I have time to do it tomorrow and I will do it before heading in to work.

Food

Breakfast:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer [21] - No joke!

Lunch:

• Yeah, right. I didn't eat out of the vending machine at work. I was still drinking my coffee until almost 5 PM.

Dinner:

• tilapia w/ onions & peppers [4]

So, I was still under my daily points 25 out of 30, No fake points necessary today. But this is where Melty chimes in with, "Bitch, you're not eating enough."

79 Days

Until I turn 42.

My weight is 160.5 pounds and that wretched gut is 43 inches in Sir Cumference, Knight of the Buffet Table.

I joined Weight Watchers. Don't ask me why. I might as well have wiped my ass with a Grant. I could have muddled through the new SmartPoints for free, like I did with Points+ but I was having a hard time figuring my weekly and FitPoints. So I joined, $49.85 for 3 months. So far, I'm not liking it. You know why? Because my "small" cup of coffee is 6 points. So, I am looking at 2/3 of my daily points going towards coffee. I drink a lot of coffee with a lot of creamer :( Cutting back or giving it up is something that breaks my heart. My coffee, perfected over years, is my reason for living. I don't know what I am going to do. Obviously, I need to find an alternative. And I have flashbacks to when I went from regular soda to diet. I had to completely quit drinking soda for a few months before I "forgot" what it tasted like and could stomach diet. So maybe now is a good time to go cold turkey and drink nothing but water :( Fuck my life.

Workouts - back to heavy lifting and my beloved Baby Got Back (with some minor variations). I made a spreadsheet because of course I did. Four workouts per week - I'm not adding any cardio yet. I just want to get back into a routine with the lifting. I quite like what I've put together.

Workout A

rack pulls - 5x5x80 lbs - I originally put 100 lbs on the bar but it was a bit much for my first time back. I can go up to 90 lbs next week.
bent bb over row - 3x8x45 lbs
db bench press - 5x5x25 lbs - I felt a lot of weakness in my left arm while doing these. On my last set, I realized I was doing 8 reps.
db fly - 3x8x5 lbs - My intent was to do 10 pounds but didn't realize I only had 5 on there. No wonder it felt so easy.
core:

• plank - 1x30 sec
• side plank w/ cable (band) row - 1x15, each side
• Swiss ball mountain climber - 1x10, each side (so, 1x20) - These are fucking hard!

box jump - 1 set of 5 - Easing into this shit.

I was all set to do 3 sets of the core work and box jumps but I could barely make it through the first set. So I think I will add one set per week or every other week. Box jumps are my nemesis. I am always afraid I won't get enough height and bust my shins on the box and my face on the wall. On the bright side, I drank a lot of water during my workout.

And this earned me 3 FitPoints. I don't know how accurate that is. I selected moderate for 30 minutes. Meh. I hate estimates. It took me all damn day to figure out FitPoints. Apparently, we're supposed to add our "general activity" in order to bring us up to some baseline at which we are allowed to swap our FitPoints for food. Since I don't have an activity monitor, I have to give myself 60 minutes of light walking per day to account for all of my non-exercise activity. Again, meh. Whatever.

Tomorrow is leg day. I am very much looking forward to it. 

Food

Breakfast:

• coffee w/ Splenda & French vanilla creamer [6]
• Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino [10]

Lunch:

• baby carrots [0] - I was going to add some dressing but not for 4 fucking points. And as usual, I got the hiccups. 
• apple & cottage cheese [4]

Dinner:

• Beef & broccoli [8] - This is the recipe I used. It was planned before I decided to do Weight Watchers and I didn't feel like re-planning my weekly menu. So I'm sticking with the menu for the week, but I will try to behave. I ate a lot of broccoli with this and was pretty full before I started the rice and beef. Damn it, I was eating my whole meal.

My handy dandy Weight Watchers app says I ate 27 of my 30 Daily Points. Not awful for a spur of the moment decision to waste my money. And of course, the frap was a really bad choice, and I knew that as I was buying it. I don't know how I will handle tomorrow and my coffee. I'm stressing out already.

Change of Plans

You're shocked, I know! It's my MO to come up with grand plans and flake after a week or two. NROL was irritating me and I just was not enjoying it. I kept thinking back to everything I've done and the workout I keep coming back to is Built's Baby Got Back routine. Unfortunately, her web site isn't up anymore but there is an excellent summary here. The rep ranges are perfect for me and my inability to focus on anything for very long. I have commitment issues. I knew there was no way I could stick with New Rules of Lifting for four years.

My spreadsheet for my FML Challenge

Workout A (Saturdays)

rack pull 5x5
bent over row 3x8
barbell bench press 5x5
incline dumbbell press 3x8
core work (Shaun T has an amazing 5 minute ab workout here)

Workout B (Sundays)

squat 5x5
lunge 3x8
single leg RDL 3x8
hammer curl 3x8
box jump 5-10 minutes

Workout C (Tuesdays)

assisted chin up 5x5
barbell pull over 3x8
dumbbell shoulder press 5x5
front & lateral raise 3x8
core work (I really like the standing portion of Turbo Jam Ab Jam)

Workout D (Thursdays)

Romanian deadlift 5x5
good morning 3x8
sumo squat 3x8
skullcrusher 3x8
burpees 5-10 minutes (or pyramid scheme)

On Mondays and Wednesdays, my son and I are going for walks. The goal is to start off with a mile and build up to three miles by the end of the year. Maybe next year, we can do a few 5K walks for bling together. Fridays will be Turbo Jam day. The first month, I will do shorter workouts (like Cardio Party Remix or Fat Blaster), and in the second month, I'll do Cardio Party 2. Then finally, in the third month, I will reunite with my love, Cardio Party 3.

Starting October 1, I will have 13 weeks to get into a decent routine. On December 31, I will decide what I want to kick of 2017 with. I may just continue with this, hopefully progressing with the weights. Ideally, I would like to just lift 3 days a week so I have more time for Turbo and Shaun T.

As far as food, HIIK. I can't give up my coffee shit. Nope, just can't do it. And I want sweet potatoes and rice and eggs and chicken and avocados and vegetables and cottage cheese. As I learned during this last sad attempt, logging food makes be obsessive and guilty, and I have enough guilt and obsession in my life.

NROL - Original: Week 2 - Break In A (WO3)

Monday kind of sucked. I knew I wasn't going to do my cardio. Food wasn't that great, either:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
cheese & crackers
salad w/ chicken breast & Italian dressing
banana & turkey pepperoni - I can't believe I was still hungry after eating 8 ounces of chicken and a giant salad

Numbers:

Carbs - 136 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 52 g
Protein - 78 g
Total Calories - 1333
C/F/P % - 41/35/24

Not good at all.

So, Tuesday was lifting. Bah.

NROL Break In A, Workout 2:

squat - 2x15xbodyweight
static lunge - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell two point row w/ elbows out - 2x15x10 lbs
push ups - 2x15 on my knees
Swiss ball crunch - 2x20

I really, really, really need to work on my push ups. These were pitiful.

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer - Normal person amounts today - just one cup
salad w/ chicken breast, cheese & Caesar dressing
apple & cottage cheese

Numbers:

Carbs - 63 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 46 g
Protein - 64 g
Total Calories - 1078
C/F/P % - 27/45/28

NROL - Original: Week 2 - Break In B (WO2)

I should have spent the day prepping food and shit for the week. Instead, I spent it dicking around with Scrivener and contemplating taking a free writing course in October. I'm supposed to spend November adapting my friend's novel into a script, for National Novel Writing Month, but I have a lot of story ideas I would like to actually get out of my head. I worked out first, though.

NROL Break In B, Workout 2:

deadlift (conventional) - 2x15x45 lbs
step up (12" step) - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell one-arm shoulder press - 2x15x10 lbs
lying dumbbell row - 2x15x10 lbs
reverse crunch - 2x15

I really, really need to find a sub for the step ups. I fucking hate them. HATE THEM. Especially high rep. I hate high rep in general. After Break In, the Fat Loss phase of NROL is all high rep. Like up to 20 reps in some cases. Even Hypertrophy will suck sometimes, with 15 and 25 reps. GAH! I just looked. Even the Strength phase has some 15 rep days. Now I am wishing I hadn't been so "I am going to do every NROL program one after the other until I've completed them all!!!!!" Damn it. I would much rather do a high weight, low rep push/pull workout. The later NROL books are better than the original in that regard, but this fucking original plan (all the workouts combined), takes an eternity. I've mentioned before that I won't finish until CHRISTMAS EVE OF NEXT YEAR! That's assuming I stick with it, of course, and don't have anything to prevent me from actually exercising.

Of course, I'm not doing the original book as the authors intended. You're actually supposed to choose a few variations that don't include every workout, but I'm stupid.

I'm a little nervous about being back to work AND getting my workouts in. I purposely scheduled my lifting on the days I go in late, so I would have plenty of time to do it in the morning. Ugh. I just don't want to do anything at all.

I have a terrible relationship with food. When I'm not trying to eat well, I feel no real guilt about what I eat. When I'm trying to eat well, I feel guilty about every bite I take. It's fucked up. I skimmed by blog back when I was doing Insanity, and it looks like I was doing Weight Watchers at that time. I can't remember which version of the program it was - I think it was PointsPlus. I don't really want to do it again because I don't like low fat foods. Yes, I know I can eat full fat stuff and blow through my daily points. I already get the minimum number of points as it is because I'm not that fat. Exercise points - I really don't trust those. Plus, if I do WW, I will likely load up on carbs, when I am trying to get way from overly processed carbohydrates. I don't know what to do. Story of my life. For shits & giggles, I calculated what my WW points would be for each meal today.

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer [5 P+] - I tried the coconut milk and promptly poured everything down the sink.
eggs w/ salsa [8 P+]
apple & cottage cheese [6 P+]
cheesy Mexican potatoes skillet & corn [17 P+] - This is from Get In The Kitchen, Bitches. I added ground beef. I would have preferred to use ground turkey but some people here have an aversion to ground turkey. Fuckers.

That brings me to 36 P+ for the day. My target is 26. And let's say I get 1 point for exercise. That leaves me taking 8 points from my Weekly Points, leaving me with 40 for the rest of the week.

Numbers:

Carbs - 92 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 69 g
Protein - 83 g
Total Calories - 1313
C/F/P % - 28/47/25

Like everything else in life, I overthink this shit.

Rest Day - If Whining Burned Calories

It seems like I haven't done much to deserve a rest day. It was my first day back to work after being off all week. This was the first time I've taken time off so I didn't know what I would be walking into. It wasn't as bad as I expected but I was already physically and mentally exhausted from the week I had. I really do not like taking time off.

I got off work and went grocery shopping. I really wish I'd had time to plan out what we would be having this week. It's so hard to do on the fly. I did find some coconut milk that I am going to try in my coffee instead of the creamer. My creamer is killing my calorie and carb counts.

In trying to get my son to eat better, I'm switching him to whole wheat everything, and I will attempt to make snacky food from scratch. I found an interesting 3 ingredient peanut butter cup recipe to try. It's just bananas, peanut butter, and coconut oil. He has been doing really well with controlling his intake the last few days. I didn't buy any pizza or pre-made microwaveable crap for him. I meant to buy a big bag of frozen fruit so he can make his Shakeology smoothies but I forgot. I hate Shakeology but he loves it. I'm okay with that as a treat.

So no workout today. I also didn't have anything to eat until dinner time. I had my usual coffee to sustain me all day. I didn't dig into the candy I keep on my desk at work. I didn't go to the vending machine.

I feel like everything is just out of control and I'm trying desperately to get it together. I don't know what to do to help my son get healthy. I mean I know what to do, but execution is hard. I don't know why I feel like I don't have time for anything. I work a 40-hour week and my commute is short. I don't like my schedule, having some early days and some late days. I love working Saturdays. It's a shorter day and usually fairly calm. Monday - Thursday really suck though. Every other Friday sucks when I have to spend 4+ hours in the car, taking my son to his dad. Every other Sunday sucks when I have to go get him. I need to get my son more active, but it's been so fucking hot, and we both hate the heat and the sun. I told him that once it cools down, we are going to start taking walks in evenings on my early days. I will still have to fit my regularly scheduled cardio into those evenings. There's dinner and housework and homework to be done. I realize that all parents have this issue. I know I'm not alone but some days it seems like I'm so overwhelmed I can't stand it.

Anyway, food for today:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
salad w/ peppers, turkey pepperoni, sunflower seeds, chow mein noodles, shredded cheese & Italian dressing

My numbers:

Carbs - 96 g
Fiber - 7 g
Fat - 65 g
Protein - 38 g
Total Calories - 1378
C/F/P % - 34/52/14

NROL - Original: Week 1 - Break In A (WO2)

I have three days worth of posts here, so bear with me. It's been hectic and I'm still trying to hold myself accountable.

No workout Wednesday, for a number of reasons. First, I have a cyst on my inner thigh that is making movement difficult. I was also pretty much glued to my phone waiting for the hospital to call with my son's surgery information. I spent the day sitting with a hot compress between my legs and the phone in my hand. The cyst finally ruptured and drained a little. Gross, gross, gross.

I tried to be good about food. I also updated my macros because the carb goal I had is unrealistic at this point. I'm now going for 20% carbs, 45% fat and 35% protein. I think that's a better goal for me right now. I'm sure I will tweak it along the way but I definitely want to keep my carb intake no higher than 25%. And of course, choose better carbohydrate sources. More vegetables!

I'm kind of proud of everyone in my house. My son has requested that I make a whole chicken every week so he can make a variety of salads and wraps. He asked about the healthiest wrap options. He made an effort to eat vegetables. My roommate sent me a text telling me what he had for lunch, and it was way better than his usual. I know two days doesn't really mean anything but I'm hopeful.

Wednesday, I had:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer - of course
scrambled egg & sausage w/ cheese & salsa on a light Italian Flat Out wrap - My favorite!
Parmesan crusted pork chops & broccoli w/ olive oil

My numbers:

Carbs - 82 g
Fiber - 15 g
Fat -  78 g
Protein - 81 g
Total Calories - 1378
C/F/P % - 24/52/24

Thursday, I did my workout. It sucked.

NROL Break In A, Workout 2:

squat - 2x15xbodyweight
static lunge - 2x15xbodyweight
dumbbell two point row w/ elbows out - 2x15x10 lbs
push ups - 2x15 on my knees
Swiss ball crunch - 2x20

Food:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
banana
apple & cottage cheese
scrambled eggs w/ cheese, salsa & sausage

My numbers:

Carbs - 132 g
Fiber - 6 g
Fat -  76 g
Protein - 11 g
Total Calories - 1467
C/F/P % - 36/47/17

Friday was shitty. I was at the hospital most of the day while my son had surgery. I logged everything I ate until I said, "Fuck it!" But here is what I had:

coffee w/ Splenda & creamer
banana
whole wheat crackers & cheese
2 bags of peanut M&Ms
four hamburger sized potato buns, two of them with peanut butter and chocolate spread - This is the Fuck It point.

All in all, shitty second half of the week.