Team camp this morning...it sucked. It really effing sucked. We did a lot of running and sprinting. It really sucked. We did lunges or hops from one end of the parking lot to the other, then sprinted back. After a few circuits of that, we did intervals around the building. Jog around the building, sprint the parking lot. Repeat. I couldn't keep up with the jog for the first two circuits and I had to walk a bit. I was sucking wind so hard and crying (for real!) and I almost turned around and walked back to my car. One of the older team members actually grabbed my hand and sort of dragged me along. The encouragement was nice but I was so embarrassed that I couldn't do it. My chest hurt and my breath was ragged and I really thought I was going to need my son's inhaler. I managed the third circuit without stopping because all I could picture was my friend, Kathy, telling me to use my anger as fuel. And I was angry, damn it. I was (am) so freaking pissed off that I let myself gain 40 pounds and stop exercising. I swear, if I get back down to wear I was, I will kill myself before I let myself spiral out of control like this again. I had to walk a bit in the fourth circuit, which was the last one, then we had to jog back to the gym. Someone always hangs back with the slowest team member. It's wonderful that everyone is so supportive but being the weakest link is really hard for me. I am seriously considering not doing Storm The Beach because I know I'm going to hold them back.
I used to think I worked out hard. Until I started doing this. What I was doing before was weenie stuff. Sure, P90X was challenging and New Rules of Lifting for Women made me sweat and shake like never before and Insanity made me cry a couple times. But the team camp workouts are seriously brutal. Jim keeps telling me to stop walking and start running. No one lets me back off to a more comfortable pace. I know it's not supposed to be comfortable and now I'm all pissed off that the four years I did spend exercising were not "hard" enough. As much as I hate getting up at 4:45 AM and as much as I hate running in the sand and much as I hate being pushed so hard, I may have to try to keep the team camps in my budget. I know it would be good for me, in the long run. But every day I want to quit.
Food:
coffee w/ skim milk [2 P+]
banana & hard boiled eggs [4 P+]
turkey & cheese sandwich on whole grain bun, apple slices, tomato carrot cup [10 P+] - I had lunch at school with my son, since I was off today to get him out early for an appointment. I really, really wanted cream of potato soup with my sandwich, but at 9 points per cup, I had to pass. I'm pretty proud of myself for making a good choice.
ham sandwich, green beans w/ olive oil [13 P+]
yogurt [3 P+]
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