This makes no sense.

There is junk food in my house, but since the Great M&M Binge of '08, I've been clean for 2 days - no junk at all. My sweet husband even bought himself some chocolate covered peanut clusters but didn't want to eat them in front of me. I told him it was fine, because I wasn't interested in having any. And I wasn't! He ate them and I barely paid attention.

So what is the difference between the last two days and the days I've struggled? There's something (something beyond my cycle because even though it was that time, binges happen even when I'm not). I have to figure it out.

Who eats half a pound of M&Ms in one afternoon?

I do.

And I think I hit rock bottom today. I am completely disgusted with myself. I haven't worked out at all this week. I got my Wii Fit yesterday and I'm borderline obese. One more pound (which I have surely gained from the M&Ms) would probably put me back in that category. My weight, if I recall correctly (I was trying not to notice) was 161 or something hideous. My Wii Fit age is 47. I'm 33 years old.

Over the last few days, I've been reading stories of food addiction. I can relate to some of it, and I think I'm on to something, but then I tell myself, "oh you just don't want it badly enough" or "you just lack willpower" in an attempt to keep something from being wrong with me., or some underlying issue. I don't want to blame anything other than myself. I want it to be something I can fix on my own. Seeking professional help is not an option right now. There are a ton of other health related issues that would take priority.

So what am I going to do about it? Good freaking question.