ChaLean Extreme - Week 8 - Tuesday

Cardio Kickbox and Ab Jam today. It was good fun.

I'm having sinus issues again. I think it is time for mold testing in the house. Nasal spray barely helps for a few hours, and my neti pot doesn't work at all because my nose is too plugged. Benadryl doesn't help, and neither does Claratin. Bah!

Another hungry day. PMS sucks. I should eat more vegetables.

8:45 AM - ricotta pancakes w/ sugar free syrup

9:00 AM - apple & cottage cheese, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda;  I was still hungry, and probably should have eaten before my workout instead of waiting until after I took my son to school.

12:25 PM - chicken salad w/ homemade tomato bacon dressing

3:10 PM - grilled cheese sandwich

4:40 PM - carrots

5:40 PM - banana

8:30 PM - beef & mixed vegetables w/ homemade barbecue sauce

Calories - 1744
Carbs - 192 (24 fiber)
Protein - 137
Fat - 49
C/P/F Ratio - 43.7/31/25.3

ChaLean Extreme - Week 8 - Monday

Push Circuit 1 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard bicep curl [40 lb EZ curl bar]
standard squat [70 lb barbell]
single-arm bent over triceps extension [10 lb dumbbell]
v-press bicep curl (+1 set of 3 regular curls, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
single leg squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [45 lb EZ curl bar]
overhead triceps extension (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbell]
hammer bicep curl (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
heel squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [70 lb barbell]
push ups (+1 set of 3, super slow) - all on my toes

My computer was out of commission so I had no idea how much I ate until I was able to get back online.

6:35 AM - apple & cottage cheese

10:30 AM - turkey bacon, toast, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa; coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

1:00 PM - spicy thai rice w/ chicken

3:00 PM - ricotta protein bars

5:25 PM - chicken salad w/ baby corn & light Italian dressing, tea w/ half-and-half

7:55 PM - Cheerios w/ skim milk

And this is why I hate flying blind. Not horrible but definitely worse than I'd hoped.

Calories - 1870
Carbs - 197 (24 fiber)
Protein - 152
Fat - 52
C/P/F Ratio - 42.2/32.6/25.2

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Sunday

Weigh in day. I'd been nervous about this all week. I feel bloated. 137.5, down a pound. I will take it!!! Two more pounds and I will be in the healthy weight range. I'm so stoked!

Something that's been in my mind a lot this week is something Chalene says in her workouts - write down your goal. That, along with a question asked in one of my Babycenter groups (what worries you more - our weight or the economy?) has made me think about my body's future. I answered the Babycenter question with "economy" because I'd rather be fat than homeless. I'm pretty sure being homeless isn't going to happen, but I have to get a job. My husband is pretty safe with his job but he doesn't get as many hours as he used to (still full time though) and some of the perks of his job aren't as fruitful. So it would help out I got a job. I'd love to work, but my husband's schedule is really weird and the only thing I could really commit to is a third shift job (scarce here, but there are places). Then what would happen to my exercise? Suppose I get home from work at 6:30 AM - I could probably squeeze in a workout then - that is my normal time. But I'm usually refreshed from a night of sleep. I could do it after I take my son to school - around 8:45 AM, by the time I get home and prepped. Allow an hour for a quick workout, cool down, and shower. Give me 15 minutes to eat,and that brings us to 10 AM. If I fall asleep immediately, that gives me 3 hours 45 minutes before I have to get up pick my son up. I could always nap after I pick him up, but when would I do housework, prepare dinner, and feed my Internet addiction. We're talking about some serious life changes if I get a job. I'm worried that I'd stop exercising. I'm terrified of falling out of this habit. I've been so good about it for over 2 years. I can't let myself quit. So I have to think of the best way for me and my family to make this transition. I know it can be done because people do it all time.

But what about my goal for my body? I know I got off track there, but it's kind of relevant because it's a potential obstacle. Why do I want to lose weight and get in shape? It's not vanity. Health, obviously is a big one but the biggest is I want to know what my body can do. I want to know how much I can lift, then push myself to lift more. I want to be able to do some of the intense routines that are now just a fantasy (90x, Spartan 300s, for starters). I have no desire to complete in fitness or body building competitions. Someday, maybe, powerlifting. But for now, I just want to make my body very strong and healthy.

Okay, I lied a bit. I also want to look good in a Hooters uniform.

I got 20 minutes of Wii Fit this morning. My balance and rhythm were way off.

7:45 AM - Cheerios w/ 2% milk, banana

8:30 AM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:25 AM - turkey bacon, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa; I was going to have toast, too, but decided not to, so I could save some carbs for dinner.

2:20 PM - tuna salad (w/ lettuce, black olives, pickles, green pepper, onion, light balsamic dressing)

6:25 PM - pasta w/ sauce & turkey meatballs; I was going to have chicken but decided I could have this with the rest of my family. I divided out my portion of everything beforehand and was quite satisfied. It made me think of the old days, when I'd pile my plate high with pasta. Two or three times.

6:45 PM - bite of Pop Tart; I didn't log this in my tracker - just tested out a new flavor. It was good.

8:40 PM - apple w/ peanut butter; I really wanted a Fiber One bar.

Calories - 1729
Carbs - 190 (25 fiber)
Protein - 95
Fat - 67
C/P/F Ratio - 43.6/21.8/34.6

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Saturday

I was so disappointed with myself last night. After I blogged, I ended up eating most of that batch of granola bars I made - that's about 1000 calories!!!!!!! I don't know what came over me. Then I realized that in the grand scheme of things, it was just a minor indulgence, and I stopped worrying about it. Here's the recipe, for what it's worth.

1/4 cup canola oil
1/8 cup brown sugar
1/8 cup white sugar
1 tbs unsweetened applesauce
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flax meal
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup dried fruit (chopped)
1/2 cup rolled oats

Mix everything but the fruit and the oats well. Mix in the fruit and the oats. Spread out in a small square on a cookie sheet (probably 6"x6"). Bake at 350F for 10-12 minutes. Let cool and cut into 6 bars. The numbers:

193 calories
11 g fat
22 g carbs (3 fiber)
3 g protein

As I said in yesterday's post, I'd really like to bring the fat grams down a bit. I could substitute flax meal for the canola oil but that would take a LOT of flax (3/4 cup, not including the 1/4 cup that is already in it). They don't old together well, either. But they tasted so damn good!

So I was okay with my indulgence until I woke up this morning, then I was just mad at myself all over again. It doesn't help that I'm exhausted and cranky and starving and everything just pisses me off today. I want to eat and eat and eat. Strangely, the only thing I really want is a granola bar. And then another and another. I haven't thought of the candy in this house, in that binge way, at all.

Fat Burn Challenge and Recharge today. Fat Burn Challenge wiped me out completely. It's probably the most intense 30 minutes of cardio I've ever experienced. I hated it. I ended up doing half the moves the regular way, with some modifides thrown in to catch my breath. It was horrible.

8:10 AM - apple & cottage cheese

10:00 AM - Fiber One yogurt; This stuff is really good! It's very creamy.

11:50 AM - turkey bacon, toast, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa;  I should not have had the toast. That homemade bread tends to go bad quickly, so I like to get it eaten, but one piece always makes me want more. I'm going to have to figure out a convenient freezing method for the bread. I'm running out of room for anything in the freezer.

12:30 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda; peanut butter & jelly; My son is so freaking wasteful, it pisses me off. So I ate the rest of his sandwich.

3:05 PM - tilapia sandwich w/ ketchup

7:00 PM - tuna salad

Calories - 1574
Carbs - 163 (29 fiber)
Protein - 145
Fat - 40
C/P/F Ratio - 41/36.6/22.4

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Friday

Push Circuit 3 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

sumo squat [70 lb barbell]
single-arm row [25 lb dumbbell]
chest fly [15 lb dumbbells]
bowler's lunge (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
double-arm bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [25 lb dumbbells]
bench press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [65 lb barbell] - I made it to 8 this time, after failing at 7 last week
single-leg sumo squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
reverse-grip bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
long-arm pullover (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbell]

7:20 AM - apple & cottage cheese

8:50 AM - Cheerios w/ skim milk

9:30 AM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:45 AM - tilapia sandwich w/ homemade tartar sauce & ketchup, carrots

2:45 PM - Zone Perfect bar

5:05 PM - spicy thai rice w/ chicken & broccoli, homemade whole wheat bread; I baked a loaf and had a small test piece

8:15 PM - homemade granola bar; I'm still working on the recipe and will post once it's perfected. They are pretty good, but they fall apart easily, and I'd like to get the fat content down a bit.

Calories - 1807
Carbs - 225 (33 fiber)
Protein - 130
Fat - 49
C/P/F Ratio - 48.4/28/23.6

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Thursday

I did Get Lean Intervals today. Technically, it's not supposed to be done until the Lean phase but I thought Burn Intervals was kind of boring. Get Lean Intervals rocks! It kicked my butt.

It's been a rough, rough day. I've been so busy and then my son got sick at school (same old, same old - runny nose causing a cough that makes him throw up) and I'm trying to hard not to eat everything in sight because I'm hungry and cranky and just want to get away! Twice today, I've picked up a Fiber One bar and agonized over it. I shouldn't eat one because I don't want it to trigger anything. But the pull is overwhelming.

6:30 AM - Cheerios w/ 2% milk

8:00 AM - mozzarella string cheese, yogurt; Odd combination, I know, but I was in a hurry and just grabbed stuff that was already measured out.

12:15 PM - turkey pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, iceberg lettuce, pizza sauce

12:30 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

1:20 PM - apple w/ peanut butter left over from my son's snack - I didn't log these in my tracker.

2:20 PM - mozzarella cheese-turkey pepperoni roll up

5:25 PM - tuna salad w/ onion, green pepper, avocado, Caesar vinaigrette dressing

8:20 PM - Cheerios w/ 2% milk, banana

Calories - 1595
Carbs - 144 (24 fiber)
Protein - 100
Fat - 75
C/P/F Ratio - 35/24.3/40.7

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Wednesday

Push Circuit 2 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard overhead press [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg lunge [20 lb dumbbells]
standing reverse fly [10 lb dumbbells]
standing Arnold press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg dead lift (+1 set of 3 standard dead lifts, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells, 20 lb for breakdown set] - I switched back to dumbbells because I couldn't get great form with a bar.
bent-over lateral raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
frontal should press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg tap lunge (+1 set of 3 static lunges, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
lateral deltoid raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]

I was reading Hayley's blog and she talks about how she's tired of measuring and logging her food. This crosses my mind a LOT. I'm feeling good about my portion control, for the most part. I am cooking less food at a meal, and not going back for seconds as often, and never thirds anymore. Eventually, I want to be able to live life without measuring my food. This is a huge goal of mine, but it's scary as hell. I feel like I have a great handle on the binge eating, but the "what if" scenarios are always in the back of my mind. I know it's about choices and as long as I keep making the right ones, I'll be okay.

OMG, I was reviewing the next cardio/intervals workout in ChaLean Extreme. She calls them plyometric jumps, but they have a burpee attached. Ugh. I hate burpees. *cry*

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

9:20 AM - turkey bacon, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper, & salsa, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

12:30 PM - tilapia sandwich w/ homemade tartar sauce

3:15 PM - honey nut Cheerios w/ skim milk

6:00 PM - turkey meatloaf, California blend vegetables

7:55 PM - honey nut Cheerios w/ skim milk

Calories - 1854
Carbs - 178 (23 fiber)
Protein - 134
Fat - 57
C/P/F Ratio - 40.5/30.4/29.1

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Tuesday

I was going to do a Tae Bo video but changed my mind and did Jillian Michaels Cardio Kickbox instead. I followed up with a Turbulence Training workout, 2 circuits:

plank (45 s)
jackknife (15)
side plank (30 s per side)
crossbody mountain climber (15 per side)
rollout (15)
plank rotation (15 s each)

Too much processed junk today and I sure feel crappy because of it.

8:00 AM - apple & cottage cheese

11:20 AM - omelet w/ onion, green pepper, avocado & salsa, Fiber One bar, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

2:45 PM - Myoplex Chocolate Chocolate Chip protein bar; gagafreakinglicous!!!

6:00 PM - roasted chicken w/ vegetable risotto

8:05 PM - avocado

Calories - 1834
Carbs - 189 (35)
Protein - 121
Fat - 70
C/P/F Ratio - 40.4/25.8/33./8

ChaLean Extreme - Week 7 - Monday

LOL I forgot to post this last night. I put it up on SparkPeople but forgot Blogger. Actually, it turns out I've been posting a few fitness entries to my couponing blog. I need to remember to change my settings after publishing to that one.

Push Circuit 1 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard bicep curl [40 lb EZ curl bar]
standard squat [65 lb barbell]
single-arm bent over triceps extension [10 lb dumbbell]
v-press bicep curl (+1 set of 3 regular curls, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
single leg squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [40 lb EZ curl bar]
overhead triceps extension (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbell]
hammer bicep curl (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
heel squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [65 lb barbell]
push ups (+1 set of 3, super slow) - ALL on my toes! Did you read that? I did 11 perfect and slow push ups ON MY TOES!!!!!

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

9:40 AM - turkey bacon, "fried" eggs, whole wheat sandwich thin, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

1:30 PM - chicken breast & broccoli

6:45 PM - beef sirloin & mixed vegetables

Calories - 1475
Carbs - 112 (25 fiber)
Protein - 138
Fat - 50
C/P/F Ratio - 30.9/38.1/30.9

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Sunday

138.5 today. I was pretty surprised, but I'll take it.

As promised, here are the whale watching pictures. I still have a long way to go, but I think I've made enough progress that I can look back and say, "Hey, I have made progress!!"  And some days, I do need a reminder of how far I've come. I can't wait until the set of goal pictures, then more as I work on adding muscle. I didn't add the video that prompted all of this. I was having problems with my video editing software. Imagine the old pics of me, wearing horizontal stripes!!!!!

And actually, I'm kind of mad (and you can see in the pics I took today that I'm not a happy camper LOL). Looking back over my stats, in a year and two weeks, I've lost a grand total of 7.5 pounds. That's pitiful.

8:20 AM - scrambled eggs w/ green pepper, onion & salsa, turkey bacon coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:50 AM - honey nut Cheerios w/ skim milk

12:55 PM -chicken salad w/ salsa & sour cream

2:45 PM - homemade cookies n' cream protein bar

5:50 PM - beef sirloin, carrots

8:30 PM - ricotta pancakes w/ sugar free syrup

Calories - 1639
Carbs - 113 (14 fiber)
Protein - 142
Fat - 60
C/P/F Ratio - 29/36./34.5

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Saturday

No ChaLean Extreme workout today. My toe is better but it still hurts to put too much pressure on it. It doesn't make burpees very comfortable. I did manage to get in a late afternoon walk, 4 miles in 1:03:30.

I did have something I wanted to blog about, related to emotional eating, but I'm in a pissy mood right now and can't concentrate. I'm not reaching for food though, so that's something. Food is the last thing I want right now. I'll try to get to the topic sometime in the next few days. Tomorrow, we go whale watching.

8:45 AM - ricotta pancakes w/ syrup, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:30 AM - bacon ranch grilled chicken salad from McDonalds

3:00 PM - apple & cottage cheese

4:55 PM - tilapia sandwich w/ homemade tartar sauce, green beans

7:30 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

Calories - 1381
Carbs - 115 (20 fiber)
Protein - 123
Fat - 50
C/P/F Ratio - 32.9/35.2/31.9

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Friday

Push Circuit 3 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

sumo squat [70 lb barbell]
single-arm row [25 lb dumbbell]
chest fly [15 lb dumbbells]
bowler's lunge (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
double-arm bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [25 lb dumbbells] - I switched back to dbs instead of the curl bar to try to get more shoulder blade squeezing
bench press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [65 lb barbell] - I hit failure at 7 but this was 15 pounds more than I intended to do when I woke up this morning
single-leg sumo squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
reverse-grip bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells] - same as the other row
long-arm pullover (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbell]

My toe is no better today. In fact, I think it must be worse. I couldn't do proper single-leg squats because putting any pressure on the front of my foot sucks. Same with the bowler's lunge. It's so sore, I am not doing my regular work out. I'll have to find something that's completely low/non impact. I can walk, with a limp, so I might do that, but I have tons of grocery shopping stops to make tomorrow (I'm making a price book, so I have to hit 3 different stores, at least, and make note of the prices of things I buy regularly), so I might just leave it at that. The Biggest Loser dvd has a low impact workout - I will have to run through that today and see if it will work for tomorrow. I hate to do nothing on a regularly scheduled exercise day.

I frustrate myself. I'm considering going back to New Rules of Lifting when summer is over, and I've completed 30 Day Shred. Actually, depending on timing, I might be able to start NROL before summer ends. It depends on how long it takes me to get through Shred. I'm still made at myself for not seeing the whole year through, but after 6 months, I needed a break. I honestly didn't think I'd miss it, but intended to return to it again some day. So many programs, so little time. That's how it feels, even though I have the rest of my life.

I think I need to clarify something I said yesterday. When I said I'm jealous of the binge eaters who say Atkins has helped them, I meant that as I wish I could find something that really helps me not want to binge. I'm not jealous of binge eaters - I AM a binge eater. I'm jealous of those who have found a way to control it, of the ones who say they don't even think about a binge because I do every single day. As I was eating my two pieces of chocolate last night, I thought about how absolutely wonderful it tasted and about how I could so easily eat the remaining 4 pieces I had.

6:40 AM - apple & cottage cheese

9:20 AM - ricotta cheese pancakes w/ syrup, honey nut Cheerios w/ skim milk, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda; I'm working on reducing the Splenda again.

12:30 PM - tuna salad w/ light Italian dressing

3:15 PM - carrots & mozzarella string cheese

5:40 PM - chicken & peas cous cous, homemade garlic bread

9:00 PM - air-popped popcorn

Calories - 1528
Carbs - 185 (29 fiber)
Protein - 121
Fat - 34
C/P/F Ratio - 48.2/31.6/20.2

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Thursday

I either have severe DOMS in one toe, or I sprained it on Monday doing single leg squats. It's been tender since Monday afternoon and today, it about killed me to do Burn Intervals. I had to really modify the moves, and I couldn't do any jumps that involved my left foot. So, note to self: balls of feet, not toes!!! I didn't even do my ab work today because I couldn't use my toes. I was going to do the standing segment of Ab Jam but my son wanted to watch SpongeBob. I might tack that on to Saturday's workout. I wanted to do the Turbulence Training workout I did last week but I couldn't do the planks or the mountain climbers without my toes. In general, I'm not happy with today's exercise at all. I need to do these intervals at the highest intensity. Short(ish) and sweet is how I like to work out and having to half-ass my way through a work out pisses me off.

I think - no, I know - I need to eat better. I've gotten sloppy the last couple of weeks. I need more vegetables, less crap. Well, more vegetables anyway. I think the whole wheat stuff I've been making is fine, in moderation. Now there's a concept I never thought I'd say. I remember when I had the all-or-nothing mentality. Even though it's taking longer to lose the weight, I think my sanity is worth it. I was thinking about Atkins the other day (not thinking about doing it again, just in general) and there was a comment on a message boards about how it's not sustainable. That's such a bad generalization because I know many people who can do it long term. I just don't happen to be one of them. I loved how I was able to lose on Atkins, and I'm jealous of the binge eaters who say Atkins has helped them.

6:20 AM - apple & cottage cheese

8:50 AM - homemade protein bars, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:50 AM - Mexican chicken soup

1:30 PM - apple

2:50 PM - tilapia sandwich w/ homemade tartar sauce

6:45 PM - cube steak w/ onions & green pepper, mashed cauliflower

8:00 PM - Hershey's Sticks; I didn't have a plan for eating the chocolate, and you know I like to have a plan. I had 2 pieces and that was it. I'm still within my self-imposed limits for the day, so I'm not going to stress over it.

Calories - 1513
Carbs - 139 (19 fiber)
Protein - 130
Fat - 48
C/P/F Ratio - 36.9/34.4/28.7

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Wednesday

Push Circuit 2 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard overhead press [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg lunge [20 lb dumbbells]
standing reverse fly [10 lb dumbbells]
standing Arnold press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg dead lift (+1 set of 3 standard dead lifts, super slow) [40 lb EZ curl bar]
bent-over lateral raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
frontal should press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg tap lunge (+1 set of 3 static lunges, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
lateral deltoid raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]

I was watching The Biggest Loser this morning and stupid me kept crying. The contestants got to go home for a week, and the competed in a half-marathon and they had temptations and choices to make and then at the weigh in there were surprised and oh boy, I was a mess by the end of the show. I really wish I'd started watching it sooner. I wish I could train like they do. Well, maybe not. I kind of like how things are right now. I get something in almost ever day of the week, and it's not too much per day that I start to resent it. I know the show is not a realistic way to lose weight and get fit for the average person, but still, sometimes I wish I could do all of the things the contestants on the show do.

So, I'm wearing my new clothes today. I even wore a real bra (instead of a sports bra) and husband-approved underwear, instead of my beloved granny panties. The jeans are a little long loose (but the smaller size was way too tight) and the shirt really showcases my rack. Which is not that great but there it is. I'll admit, I did check myself out in the mirror a few times. Whatever I might think about the new clothes, I will admit that they are highly motivating. I want to get more weight off so I can get smaller clothes and look better.

I will have a treat for you on Sunday. Well, it won't be enjoyable for any of us, but it's necessary, I think. This whole coming to terms with my body and seeing the video of me the other day finally kicked my butt into gear and I put together a page of before and during pictures. Sony has shipped my camera back and it should be here Friday, so I will include some with the new clothes, too. I've been really honest about my weight and my progress in this blog, but the visuals really speak louder than anything I could possibly type here. And, I want to say goodbye to that version of me, because *knocksonwood* I am never going to be that size again. So Sunday evening, I'll have the link in my blog.

6:20 AM - apple & cottage cheese

8:40 AM - chicken breast w/ cheese & mustard on whole wheat sandwich thin, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

12:00 PM - beef sirloin w/ broccoli

3:10 PM - carrots & mozzarella string cheese

6:30 PM - homemade chicken pot pie; Well, I used the rest of the Jiffy mix I had (but I totally could have made my own crust) but everything else was from scratch.

Calories - 1599
Carbs - 160 (27 fiber)
Protein - 126
Fat - 52
C/P/F Ratio - 29.7/31.2/29

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Tuesday

Turbo Jam Cardio Party Mix 2 today. I've been itching to get back to old school Chalene, and this was fun. It's so different from the cardio drills in ChaLean Extreme. I definitely like this better.

My biceps are a tad sore this morning. I know I really pushed myself yesterday with the curls and push ups.

I spent the morning going through my closet and dresser. I got rid of most of my old fat clothes. I kept a few shirts and a few pairs of workout shorts, but for the most part, the rest of it is gone. I filled up a 40 gallon garbage can with clothes. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Since I went ahead and tossed stuff I was wearing even last week, I had no choice but to take the tags off the new clothes. Maybe I'll just have to do laundry more often.

9:00 AM - beef sirloin w/ green beans, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda; We're eating backwards today.

12:25 PM - tilapia sandwich w/ cheese & mustard

2:45 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda & Irish Cream

2:55 PM - carrots, mozzarella string cheese, pepperoni

5:05 PM - homemade sausage, scrambled eggs w/ green pepper, onion & salsa

7:55 PM - sour cream & chocolate chip cookies; I wanted the last 4, but I gave 2 to my husband.

Calories - 1552
Carbs - 112 (19 fiber)
Protein - 126
Fat - 63
C/P/F Ratio - 29.4/33.3/37.3

ChaLean Extreme - Week 6 - Monday

Push Circuit 1 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard bicep curl [40 lb EZ curl bar]
standard squat [65 lb barbell]
single-arm bent over triceps extension [10 lb dumbbell]
v-press bicep curl (+1 set of 3 regular curls, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
single leg squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [40 lb EZ curl bar]
overhead triceps extension (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
hammer bicep curl (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
heel squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [65 lb barbell]
push ups (+1 set of 3, super slow) - all on my knees

Holy hell. My son was watching some videos I shot of him, when he was not even 2, and that would have put me at my heaviest weight ever. YOU CAN FREAKING TELL!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit! I am never, ever, EVER letting myself get that heavy again. Oh my God, watching myself makes me want to hide in a corner. Holy shit. I did not realize I was such a whale!!! I am so ashamed, but at the same time, I'm laughing my ass off. How did I let that happen?? NEVER EVER AGAIN!

On a related note, I still have not taken the tags off my new clothes. I am not comfortable in them at all. They are cute and stylish and absolutely NOT ME. I tried them on for my husband and he loved them but this isn't about him. This is about me and my comfort level. I'm not ready for new clothes. I think I'm going to hold on to them until close to the 90 day return limit, then exchange them for smaller sizes.

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

10:35 AM - scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa, turkey bacon, toast, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

12:25 PM - homemade protein bar

2:55 PM - chicken breast & green beans, sour cream & chocolate chip cookie; Just one cookie this time :)

5:45 PM - round steak w/ mixed vegetables

6:35 PM - sour cream & chocolate chip cookies; I have to stop making these :( I only had 2, but I want more. Forget all the M&Ms and crackers and pudding and other junk I have in the house. I WANT THESE!

Calories - 1413
Carbs - 135 (22 fiber)
Protein - 131
Fat - 36
C/P/F Ratio - 38.9/37.8/23.4

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Sunday

Story of my life - up 1 pound this week.

8:45 AM - banana & cottage cheese, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

10:30 AM - Deli Creations buffalo style ranch chicken sandwich

11:55 AM - chocolate chip & sour cream cookies

12:50 PM - a piece of my son's bologna sandwich; I didn't log it

5:30 PM - sweet & sour meatball stir fry; this was just tooooooooooo good!

9:05 PM - chocolate chip & sour cream cookies; I definitely over ate these today :(

Calories - 1844
Carbs - 215 (21 fiber) NOT good
Protein - 93
Fat - 69
C/P/F Ratio - 46.3/20.1/33.5

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Saturday

Burn It Off & Recharge today. I also walked to the post office, which is near the library, so about 1.5 miles. And my abs are still sore from Thursday!

8:45 AM - yogurt

9:20 AM - homemade sausage & egg on whole wheat sandwich thin, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

12:20 PM - meatballs; just a couple leftover from my son's lunch - I hate when he wastes food. It doesn't matter how little I give him, he always leaves some. Then complains that he's hungry. Brat.

2:55 PM - ricotta cheese pancakes w/ syrup, sour cream chocolate chip cookies; I had a bunch of ricotta cheese and sour cream that needed to be used up so I made some big batches of these to freeze, and of course, I had to taste.

5:30 PM - chicken breast & broccoli

6:50 PM - sour cream chocolate chip cookies; I really could eat every single one. I'm not, but I could. They are that good.

Calories - 1410
Carbs - 149 (25 fiber)
Protein - 109
Fat - 44
C/P/F Ratio - 41.7/30.5/27.8

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Friday

Push Circuit 3 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

sumo squat [65 lb barbell]
single-arm row [20 lb dumbbells]
chest fly [15 lb dumbbells]
bowler's lunge (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
double-arm bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [55 lb barbell]
bench press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [55 lb barbell]
single-leg sumo squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
reverse-grip bent-over row (+1 set of 3, super slow) [55 lb barbell]
long-arm pullover (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbell]

My abs are a bit sore from yesterday. Ouchie.

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

11:30 AM - Caesar and turkey wraps; I went to lunch with a friend and we agonized over the menu. In the end, we said screw it, and we each got a wrap, and swapped half with each other. I even made sure I got the nutritional information from the menu so I could log it. I did skip on the smoothie - 400+ calories for the one I wanted? Fark that!!

12:30 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

4:50 PM - homemade protein bar

6:20 PM - mini pizzas with turkey pepperoni; I found something called Sandwich Thins at the store - they are really thin flat breads, about the size of my hand, maybe a bit smaller. They make the perfect crust for kid-friendly pizzas!!

9:00 PM - peanut butter on homemade whole wheat bread

Calories - 1521
Carbs - 162 (20 fiber)
Protein - 99
Fat - 56
C/P/F Ratio - 41.9/25.7/32.4

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Thursday

Burn Intervals today. I didn't feel like doing Ab Burner - I hate traditional ab work, especially if it's on the floor. So I modified the Turbulence Training pre-fatigue ab workout and I loved it. Here's the workout I did, circuit through 3 times:

plank (45 seconds) - all on my toes!!
stability ball jackknife (15)
side plank (30 seconds per side) - I did this one on my knee
cross-body mountain climbers (15 per side)
rest 60 seconds

My wrists are a tad sore right now from all my body weight being on my hands for so long, but I think some stretches will take care of it. I liked it much better than Ab Burner. Plus, I got to watch Craig Ballantyne demonstrate again when I watched the video. He's such a cutie. Oh, and he Tweets. I love Twitter.

7:40 AM - apple & cottage cheese

10:55 AM - turkey bacon, eggs on whole wheat bun, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

2:45 PM - turkey patty & carrots

6:00 PM - chicken & vegetable soup

7:45 PM - homemade protein bar; just testing my recipe

Calories - 1462
Carbs - 97 (15 fiber)
Protein - 126
Fat - 55
C/P/F Ratio - 27.9/36.3/35.7

Homemade Protein Bar - Cookies N Cream

I totally made this crap up. I haven't tasted it yet but I wanted to get it up somewhere before I forgot what I did.

Mix well:

15 oz ricotta cheese (I used the light stuff)
4 oz cream cheese (again, I used the lower fat stuff)
3 scoops Cookies N Cream protein powder (or any flavor you want)

Stir in 2 cups rolled oats.

Spread on a wax paper covered cookie sheet and put in freezer until semi-firm. Cut into 16 bars and put back in the freezer until completely firm. You can wrap each bar individually, or keep them together, in an air tight container in the freezer. Take one out to thaw before eating.

108 calories
4.5 g fat
9.3 carbs (1.2 g fiber)
8.9 protein

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Wednesday

Push Circuit 2 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard overhead press [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg lunge [20 lb dumbbells]
standing reverse fly [10 lb dumbbells]
standing Arnold press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg dead lift (+1 set of 3 standard dead lifts, super slow) [55 lb EZ curl bar] - I was so off balance with this one, I'll have to drop the weight next week.
bent-over lateral raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
frontal should press (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
single-leg tap lunge (+1 set of 3 static lunges, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
lateral deltoid raise (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]

I absolutely LOVED this workout!!!!!!!!! Loved it! I am going to have the most awesome shoulders LOL

I don't know if it's from ChaLean Extreme or not, but I've noticed a huge improvement in my posture the last few weeks. Not workout posture, but in general.

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

8:45 AM - turkey burger w/ cheese on whole wheat bun

1:00 PM - bacon ranch salad w/ grilled chicken from McDonald's, light Italian dressing, chocolate chip cookies; I brought my dressing from home instead of using the packet of ranch that comes with the salad. Then I blew all those calories I saved, and then some, by splitting the chocolate chip cookies with my son. 1.5 cookies is 240 calories, and I knew that, and I didn't feel guilty for eating them until I got home. I shouldn't feel guilty. It's not giving me any cravings at all, but I should have been smarter about it.

6:15 PM - pizza omelet; I made this up LOL It's an omelet (duh!) with turkey pepperoni, onion, green pepper, pizza sauce & mozzarella cheese

Calories - 1553
Carbs - 123 (13 fiber)
Protein - 127
Fat - 60
C/P/F Ratio - 32/32.9/35.1

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Tuesday

No workout today. My arms and shoulders ache. Nothing terribly sore but there's definitely a burn here, especially in the bottom of my neck, back of my shoulders. I don't know if it's from yesterday's workout or cleaning.

I tried meditating last night, but I had a hard time concentrating. Then I couldn't fall asleep. So I am TIRED this morning LOL I could easily go back to bed.

9:20 AM - scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa, turkey bacon, toast, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

1:25 PM - chicken breast & broccoli

6:25 PM - vegetable risotto & sweet & sour pork; This was a HUGE hit with the guys. Even my son raved about it. This was my first time making either dish. I used a simple sweet & sour sauce recipe (just brown sugar, vinegar, ketchup, water & cornstarch) and some lean pieces of pork ribs. I'm so thrilled with how this came out and even my picky son had 2 helpings.

Calories - 1494
Carbs - 143 (21 fiber)
Protein - 122
Fat - 44
C/P/F Ratio - 39.4/33.5/27.1

ChaLean Extreme - Week 5 - Monday

Back on track with Push Circuit 1 - 1 set of 8 (or at least 6) to failure of the following:

standard bicep curl [40 lb EZ curl bar] - I'm not quite sure of the weight on this one. I started with 45, but after 2 reps, meant to drop it down to 40, but then forgot to change the weight on one side, I think I might even have added a plate but didn't take the other one off, so it was a really messed up set, and I only made it 6 reps.
standard squat [50 lb EZ curl bar]
single-arm bent over triceps extension [10 lb dumbbell]
v-press bicep curl (+1 set of 3 regular curls, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
single leg squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [20 lb dumbbells]
overhead triceps extension (+1 set of 3, super slow) [10 lb dumbbells]
hammer bicep curl (+1 set of 3, super slow) [15 lb dumbbells]
heel squat (+1 set of 3, super slow) [50 lb EZ curl bar]
push ups (+1 set of 3, super slow) - all on my knees. I hate push ups at the end of the routine.

I know I was looking forward to Push, but this kicked my ass completely. I can barely lift my water bottle now, my arms are so tired. I love it!!!!!!!!!

I was going to take all week to clean my house, but I powered through it today because, quite frankly, I'm afraid I won't be able to move my arms tomorrow. My house is a sty right now and I have to clean it this week. So, it was a marathon sweat session today and I scrubbed flours and walls moved furniture around. Phew.

6:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese

9:15 AM - turkey burger w/ cheese on whole wheat bun

11:45 AM - cookies n' cream protein shake (protein power & skim milk)

12:00 PM - turkey burger w/ cheese on whole wheat bun, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda; I can't believe how hungry I am!!

2:35 PM - 1.5 Valentine's chocolates my son bit into and didn't want. I didn't log these.

6:20 PM - cubed steak & mixed vegetables

8:45 PM - ice cream

Calories - 1709
Carbs - 152 (17 fiber)
Protein - 155
Fat - 54
C/P/F Ratio - 35.6/36.1/28.4

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Sunday

The dreaded weigh in. My rings have been snug so I think I'm retaining water. Whatever. I weighed in at 140, down 1.5 from last week.

Not much to say today. I rearranged and cleaned my living room today. More cleaning tomorrow. I've spent time looking into the 300 Spartan workouts. There are quite a few variations. The "300" is an endurance challenge that some of the actors from the movie 300 did after their training. It's pretty interesting stuff. I'm thinking of working my way up to the real 300 by starting with a 100. The numbers stand for the number of reps you do in the workout. You do all the exercises one after another. Here's the original 300:

Pullups (25)
Deadlift with 135lbs (50)
Push ups (50)
24-inch box jumps (50)
Floor wipers (50)
One arm clean n press with 36lbs kettlebell (50)
Pull ups (25)

Of course, I can't do this, not even subbing inverted rows for the pull ups. But I could easily do some of the beginner variations.

This guy has a bunch of videos with different variations.

So, I'm thinking, once a month do one of these. I'll figure out the progression of easiest to hardest (for myself) and start with the easiest one.

9:40 AM - scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa, homemade pork sausage (using the lean parts of a pork shoulder), toast, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

1:30 PM - apple w/ peanut butter

3:35 PM - carrots

4:35 PM - corn, grilled hamburger w/ cheese, ketchup, mustard, onion, tomato & pickles on homemade whole wheat bun

6:45 PM - burger w/ ketchup & mustard on homemade whole wheat bun

Calories - 1420
Carbs - 127 (20 fiber)
Protein - 89
Fat - 62
C/P/F Ratio - 35.7/25/39.2

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Saturday

In my comments in my Blogger blog I posted a link to a Craig Ballantyne workout, but I should have used this one, because his first exercise really makes the lady place tingle!

I think I'm asking for trouble. Leaving the grocery store today, I saw some Girl Scouts. What do Girl Scouts do? They sell cookies. I bought 2 boxes - Thin Mints & Dulce de Leche. I love Thin Mints - they are my favorite cookie in the whole world. I've never had Dulce de Leche before. Both boxes are in my freezer with all the M&Ms I bought last month. I really need to develop a plan for eating those. Like the small bag of M&Ms I still have, I won't touch any of these unless I have a plan. And now that I've blogged it, you know it's true! I might binge on something, but it won't be those. It might be the Fiber One toaster pastries I bought. I'm kidding. I did buy some, because they were a great deal and I'm learning to coupon and stockpile. There's a lot of stuff I could get with coupons that we won't eat (such as frozen foods). So I don't know why I bought the toaster pastries. I'm worried this will start me down that frozen/processed foods stockpiling path, and I don't want that. I have several (maybe 6 or 7) boxes of cereal - none with the sugary stuff, just Cherrios & Kashi. So, maybe I'll consider the pastries the same way I do the M&Ms and Girl Scout cookies. No particular plan for the Fiber Ones, but one rule: I can have no more than 1 pastry per day. Well, I guess that is a plan.

I really want to make some of the sour cream chocolate chip cookies I made a few weeks ago, but I'm afraid of overeating them and tomorrow is a weigh in day. Of course, with all the sodium from today, I doubt I'll show a loss. I feel very bloated. Maybe I should just make them. I could always experiment with protein powder to make them a little friendlier for me. I have some cookies & cream powder that I haven't tested yet.

7:30 AM - apple & cottage cheese, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

11:10 AM - turkey pepperoni & mozzarella string cheese; Not the best choice for a meal, but I was hungry and in a mad rush after grocery shopping all morning. Hello, sodium.

2:20 PM - peanut butter sandwich

4:45 PM - carrots & 1.5 chicken nuggets that my son didn't finish (not the McD's kind, and I didn't log them)

6:45 PM - chicken breast & green beans

9:00 - chicken sandwich w/ cheese & mustard

Calories - 1490
Carbs - 141 (26 fiber)
Protein - 133
Fat - 47
C/P/F Ratio - 37/35/28

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Friday

Some house cleaning today. That means, I vacuumed. I spent the rest of the day reading Craig Ballantyne's Turbulence Training Blog. I have his 4 week Turbulence Training preview, and it's good. His blog is great - he posts the workouts he does, and provides a few freebies. He has a YouTube channel that has some fantastic demos. I love, love, love this guy. I want to buy his program and join his members only forum, but it's crazy expensive. I'm smart enough to piece together some really good workouts from the stuff I find for free, probably enough to last me the rest of my life, but the temptation is so great. I would never spend that much money on something like this, or heck, anything, but this man is so brilliant. And when he works out with his glasses on, I get a little tingle in my lady place.

7:15 AM - toast w/ butter & reduced sugar jelly; That homemade bread is great as toast, too!

8:50 AM - apple & cottage cheese, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

12:25 PM - turkey bacon, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green pepper & salsa

3:40 PM - grilled cheese sandwich; This bread is dangerous.

5:30 PM - carrots

7:25 PM - chicken breast & broccoli w/ light balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Calories - 1541
Carbs - 158 (30 fiber)
Protein - 138
Fat - 42
C/P/F Ratio - 40.6/35.4/24

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Thursday

I am feeling much better today, and my appetite is definitely back. My son is still home from school. He seems to be getting better but he overate and threw up yesterday so he had to stay home. I still haven't exercised, but I did do a Body Test on the Wii Fit. According to that, I need to lose 5.9 pounds to get out of the overweight category. I can't imagine being 6 pounds lighter and suddenly feeling normal weight. I'd love to get that fancy body fat testing done. That's all I care about.

I saw a commercial last night for a McDonald's fish sandwich and it really made me crave one, but not from them. Yesterday, I watched The Biggest Loser and there was a challenge with Chef Rocco DiSpirito, where the contestants had to make healthy versions of fast food dishes. So instead of saying, "Let's go to McDonald's for dinner tomorrow" I said "I can make that at home." So that's how I've spent the morning - looking for the right whole wheat bread recipe. We love homemade bread, but I wish I could make it lower calorie and higher fiber. I love the Nature's Own Double Fiber wheat bread, but it has HFCS in it. By the way, why the hell does my jar of Mt. Olive kosher pickles list HFCS as one of the ingredients? Pickles are quite simple - cucumber, vinegar. Done! WTF?

But back to my bread. As I was looking online for something that was 100% whole wheat (I'm about out of AP flour and can't get to the store today), I came across some good stuff, some of it using honey and/or molasses, some using sugar. But all natural ingredients. And it hit me - I don't need to identify myself as a low carb person or as a low fat person. I think I'd rather just eat things that I find to be healthy, and things that taste good. I can't think of any reason I shouldn't have whole wheat bread. A year ago, I would have freaked out about it. Overall, I think my diet is pretty good. I'll admit, ice cream and candy aren't healthy choices, but I have been limiting them. And as I learn to make them from scratch, I may have them more often. I'd like to get to the point where I can have an actual dessert every day, but for now I will settle for a couple times a week. In fact, I may have ice cream tonight.

Again, I digress. I found two recipes for whole wheat bread that would be good candidates. This one and one from Babycenter's Cooking For Your Family group (jtwinzz's post). I'm making the one from Babycenter, and instead of oil, I'm going to use golden flax meal. The oil/flax substitution ratio is 1:3 (one part oil = 3 parts ground flax, so as an example, a recipe calls for 1/4 cup of oil, use 3/4 cup of ground flax). Since flax has fiber, antioxidants and Omega-3s, I think it's the healthier option.

For tartar sauce, I'm going to use Paula Deen's recipe, but using light mayonnaise.

And before I forget, I must plug this blog - Savory Seasonings. The tag line is "A collection of our family favorite recipes made with pure and simple ingredients" Indeed! I love this site.

Speaking of The Biggest Loser, I never watched the show until this season. Aside from the blatant product placement, I love it. I have several of the workout DVDs and have done some on occasion, but I'm really looking forward to doing something with it when I finish ChaLean Extreme. I'm going to do 30 Day Shred with my friend, Jess. We haven't worked out any real details yet, but I'm excited to have a workout buddy, even if it's just online. I know there are groups out there doing P90X or Turbulence Training (which I will do when I reach my goal weight and can focus more on muscle development) but I want to do something with the friends I already have. My plan is do Shred 3x a week, and fill in the other days with some type of Biggest Loser workout. I was daydreaming about Biggest Loser Bootcamp yesterday. That's a great workout.

8:05 AM - apple & cottage cheese, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

9:55 AM - toast w/ reduced sugar jelly

1:15 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda, turkey bacon, scrambled eggs w/ onion, green peper & salsa

5:10 PM - a slice of the bread I made; It's not bad. A little on the dense side but I think that's how it is supposed to be with whole wheat flour

6:25 PM - carrots; Just waiting for my husband to get home so I can make dinner

7:30 PM - tilapia sandwiches w/ homemade tartar sauce & cauliflower

Calories - 1363
Carbs - 138 (23 fiber)
Protein - 116
Fat - 38
C/P/F Ratio - 40.7/34.2/25.2

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Wednesday

No exercise today. This nausea is seriously messing me up. I feel like I'm constantly on a carnival ride. Eating doesn't make it better and, thankfully, doesn't make it worse.

8:20 AM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda, wheat grain waffles

1:15 PM - whole wheat pasta & turkey meatballs

6:35 PM - roast & mixed vegetables

Calories - 1217
Carbs - 98 (12 fiber)
Protein - 87
Fat - 47
C/P/F Ratio - 33.7/30/36.3

ChaLean Extreme - Break Week - Monday & Tuesday

It's been a terrible 48 hours. Sunday, I went to bed really early. I was so sick and cold and miserable. My son was worse off than I was and it was no fun trying to clean up a chocolate milk puke covered bathroom when I was completely gagalicious to begin with. But the worst has past. I did not work out Monday because I could barely hold up my own body weight without my head going all swirly, much less Chalene's plans for me.

I'm not working out today because, though I'm feeling much better, we have no freaking heat. Something happened to our central heating unit some time during the night. It's 25 degrees outside, my son is still home sick, and we're huddled around one little kerosene heater until we can get ahold of the heater guy. A one day delay I can deal with - I planned to double up today, and just carry on as usual tomorrow - but two days is going to push everything a week. There's no way I can "make up" everything that was scheduled in the rest of the week. So, I'll just start the Push Phase next Monday. If my heater is working and my son is back in school tomorrow, I will do some weights (maybe some body weight circuits) and cardio so I'm not doing nothing.

Food has been meh. Sunday, I didn't eat much at all, partly out of anger but mostly because I was getting sick. By early afternoon, I was so out of it that the thought of food made me want to vomit. Yesteryday, it was all about what settled my stomach. I had some waffles, one piece of homemade pizza left over from Sunday, some soup and crackers. And today, I'm regretting all the starch because I have the worst heartburn I've had since I was pregnant. So I can't even eat today because of the heartburn and nausea. I wanted coffee, to warm up, but ugh, no.

8:00 AM - Swiss Miss Diet Hot Chocolate; I don't care for this stuff at all but my son wanted some hot chocolate and I figured I'd get in some snuggle time. This did not help my nausea at all.

9:00 AM - banana; I really had to force myself to eat something. The thought of eating or drinking anything just makes me gag. I have never been this nauseated in my life.

11:15 AM - Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk; Normally, I love this stuff. Today, not so much.

1:00 PM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

4:10 PM - chicken breast w/ mozzarella cheese & pizza sauce, coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda; HELLO APPETITE!!! But it totally made me sick shortly after eating.

8:10 PM - Honey Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk

Still very nauseated. This is the best I could do for the day.

Calories - 1183
Carbs - 127 (8 fiber)
Protein - 98
Fat - 24
C/P/F Ratio - 45.4/35/19.6

ChaLean Extreme - Week 4 - Sunday

Weigh in day. I'm mad. Really mad. All that hard work this month for 2 lousy fucking pounds. And right now, I have two choices: stuff my face out of anger or eat egg whites and tuna for the rest of my damn life. Fucking hell, I'm so mad. I don't want to hear that 2 pounds is good, or that I've lost inches, and all that other encouraging bullshit because I just don't want to hear it. It will just piss me off more because I know 2 pounds is good and that I've worked my ass off this month and I got jack fucking squat to show for it, other than 2 pounds that will probably be back next week. So please, no comments/messages on this. I can't deal with it today. I'm only posting because I'm anal about consistency.

Oh wait, looking back at my records, on March 9, 2008, I weighed 146 pounds. So in 1 year, I have lost 4.5 pounds. Wonderful.

I should probably not be so upset about this. I've come a long way. I'm not thrilled that it has taken me over 2 years to get 2/3 of the way to goal, and the screw ups along the way piss me off more than I can even put into words. But I have still lost almost 50 pounds in the last 26 months. Fuck, though, it took me 7 months to lose 50 pounds back in 2003. Of course, I was going Atkins (part of the time even low calorie Atkins) and not exercising. I know I've added a few pounds of muscle in the last 18 months of weight lifting, but not many. I've been chatting with my girls about posting pictures and I think maybe I need to do that, no matter how embarrassing it might be. The only real before pics, I'm in underwear and a bra (and one in a bathing suit). My durings are shorts and a sports bra, so I would not be weird about posting those. Maybe I should put on that old bathing suit and post a then and now shot. It might slap some sense into me to have that out there because right now I feel a tad stupid for not appreciating how far I've come. But damn, I want this weight off. How badly do I want it? Enough to starve myself? Enough to restrict carbs? Enough to resort to pills? No. There is no doubt in my mind that any of those options will lead to weight gain. Doing what I do now is the only way I can handle binges. I'm making homemade pizza for dinner tonight. If I tell myself I can't have pizza, I'll get mad and eat the whole thing, then who knows where that will lead. I have 6 or 7 big (11-14 oz) bags of M&Ms in my freezer. I bought them on purpose. Plus, there's that little bag, still begging for a plan. M&Ms can never be spontaneous, but I'm not going to never eat them again.

So maybe I don't want the weight off badly enough? I don't know. I just don't know. The sensible thing to do would be to keep doing things exactly the way I am, but I know damn well I'm going to find little ways to cut calories here or burn calories there. It's going to make me crazy. Jeez, you'd think I am PMSing, but I'm not!

7:30 AM - coffee w/ half-and-half & Splenda

10:30 AM - Banana Nut Cheerios w/ skim milk & banana; Is it redundant to put sliced banana in Banana Nut Cheerios? Also, note how long it took me to eat breakfast. Self-sabotage, anyone?

Ugh, it's 3 PM and I feel so sick, I'm just going to bed. I think I'm getting the flu. I'm freezing and my skin hurts. I'll put the rest of today's updates in tomorrow's post.